One Friend Syndrome

Post Reply New Topic

I've only had three close friendships in my entire life. The first was in junior high, and he was Aspie (although I didn't know it until later) so there was no gateway effect. I wasn't looking for a gateway at the time, though. I just wanted to find someone I could talk to so I wouldn't be so lonely. My second close friend was in my late 20's. He was a gateway friend only to the degree that he was more outgoing and likeable than me -- we had all the same associates, so he didn't introduce me to anyone I didn't already know, but did raise my profile within the group. My third close friendship developed in my 30's, and we've been living together for seven years now. I think we were actually *both* looking for a gateway friend when we met, since we had both recently moved to the same city and neither of us new anyone. I still only have two or three people I can call up on short notice for a trip to the coffee shop. We're friends in the casual sense, but they no very little about me and I know very little about them.

Couldn't have said it better myself! Only difference is that I usually say nothing and have barely (or not at all) even heard and processed one thread by the time the conversation has moved on to the next. I've had times where i've been part of a community, which i enjoy, but usually can only have one really close person at a time. over the years, i have made some close friends. i just don't talk to them very much, but when we do, it is good.

I've had the gateway friends too in the past, although it was never intended as such.

What did remain constant is that I can have only one 'close' friend, my best friend at one time.
My best friend is like family, he is not very social either, though a lot more then I am.

Actually, my wife is my best friend (my soulmate), but since she is my wife, I still have a best friend (does this make sense?).

Of course it does.

I'd be happy with that plus a circle of acquaintances - a wife and one real friend would be all I need.

Just having a compatible wife alone is more than I could ever hope for, personally.

I always thought so too. I never had a girlfriend before.
Until I met my wife, 9 years ago (we were 19). We both fell in love at first sight. I never imagined things could be like this.

What I'm trying to say is that it can happen to you to, but it will be sudden when it does.

your story is similar to mine nocturn.

all i want is the love of a woman. My friends dont wanna hang out after they got married.
A

Luckily, I have years until I can worry about marriage.

Anyways, I've only had a few gateway friends. It started in 2nd Grade. I've had 4 so far, and they have always been accidental friends (parents itroduced them to me, school project, etc.). I've honestly never made a friend on my own before. I've tried, but, I'm no good at it.

Welcome to the spectrum, SN(lol).
A

i'm a female. from the research i've done i have a definite "male" thought process. i rarely interact well with females on a "friendship" basis at all, but i have throughout my life only had one friendship (strangely enough, nearly always female, but usually someone with a preference for science or artistic endeavors???) the friend may have changed but the pattern has, overwhelmingly, stayed the same.

Wow iam kinda the opposite. Iam a male that tends to get along with females easier than other males. Im straight so I think that I will make some woman very happy someday.
A

I'm like axelkat..... I get a long with women better. I've never had a girl as a gateway friend though. I usually use a guy who's social skills are only a little bit better than my own as a gateway friend.

Ive noticed that a lot of us here get along better with the opposite sex.

I've had the same thing happen to me too many times... now I hardly speak (or just don't speak) to any of my gateway friends-- all three of them. I have a best friend whom I've known since kindergarten, but I hardly speak to her anymore... and I have no other friends. I feel very pathetic.

MelissaEM wrote:

You shouldn't feel pathetic. There's nothing wrong with having a gateway friend. It's just a way to make more friends.