New post with son who has Asperger's

Post Reply New Topic

I'm not sure where you live, but is there an AS support/social group in your area. We have one here and it's a huge hit with our teen aspie age group. It's made up of a variety of aspies, both social and non-social. But because there's so much acceptance there and they feel they can be themselves, even the non-social members feel comfortable enough to be involved in some regard. Just a thought.

Actually dot, I think you're finally starting to grasp somethings being said. And you have a very good start to understanding why your son doesnt like people, your in fact MOST LIKELY right to believe his hatred for people started with the doctrs and medical staff. We all know that doctors and nurses arent always the best people in the world. Not too mention, your son was an undiagnosed aspie and dealing with cancer. They prolly didnt fully understand his needs, and he knew that he didnt wanna deal with them more than he had too.

So you see, your son has been extremely smart for most of his life. While he's not a social creature, he's adapting to his environments as he sees fit.

To answer your question, I personally work in the pizza industry. I never knew I was autistic(until 21) so I kinda forced myself to like people. I dont make friends any easier but people can deal with my differences usually. I dont tell people im autistic cause I dont wanna be the autistic guy. I realize that my life is in my hands and that in order to be happy I have to believe in the choices I make. I also had a good set of obsessions, mainly football(and sports stats in general), comedy, and music. So I happen to usually be a fairly personable person most of the time. I also had a brother who was nt beating me into shape in the absence of a father(he died when I was 9). I took the other route in the fork in the road when people treat you like s**t most of your life. You can either give in and accept defeat, possibly choose suicide, or you can decide that you want to enjoy life and the company of others. I didnt want to be alone anymore.

I live outside of Chicago, I will have to look into a support group. Although I am not sure he would like to go.
I think Michael is extremely smart and has somehow adapted to his enviroments. I probably don't give him enough credit.
I really thank you both for your info. Just as recently as today my husband and I got into about taking Michael with us to a friends Super Bowl Party (Go Bears!) There will over forty people there including kids of all ages (he would be the oldest) and he has had past bad experiences with the homeowners son who is a complete insensitive jerk. When they were younger he was harassing Michael (even though Michael is older, he was shocked at what this kid was doing and saying)in front of a group of kids at a party and laughing at him because he wasn't saying anything. Long story short, Michael told me and I confronted the kids mother (in front of everyone) and proceeded to tell her she should raise her kids differently etc... We are still friends but I still can't stand her kid for doing that and he will obviously be there. He makes fun of another friends son who is a little heavy. Anyway, you get the picture. Well, my husband is telling me I am shielding him from experiences and Michael needs go to the party to have more experiences with crowds etc... I won't know most of the people, and I know Michael will either be in a corner someplace or walking around there house by himself. I tried to explain to my husband that it is uncomfortable for Michael to be around large groups of people (noise sensitivity, doesn't like to adapt to change) Michael told him he didn't want to go for the same reasons, not to mention boredom (not a sports fan). So am I wrong not to get him to go? I am hearing EMO's voice saying not to expose him to anymore torture and possible belittling. He will stick out as "different"... my friends understand (except for the homeowner)but I just don't think it is a place that he will like to go to. It will be super loud cause it is super bowl and I left it up to Michael but I hope I am not "shielding" him (as my husband said I am). I like to think of it as advocating. Was I wrong???? Or am I not giving Michael enough credit for being able to handle the situation. For the record, Michaels dad doesn't complete get Asperger's, he doesn't realize the differences that come with autism and I truely believe he thinks it's an excuse for not be able to do doing "normal" things (his words, not mine). I have tried to educate him but he just doesn't get that Michael feels differently than he does and that he needs to accept him for what he is and what he isn't (sports player, social, interested in other people) Sorry to unload but I hope someone has some words of wisdom for me. Anything I can do or say to get my husband to get on board.
Thanks for listening.....Sorry so long.

You have done the right thing. It would be different if he was a sports fan. In that case he would be able to understand what was going on in the game and would be "part of the crowd" in a sense. But he isnt a sports fan and to put him in a situation where he wont be comfortable AND wont have a reason to be there would just be rediculous. One day your husband may understand your son, but trust me, being from chicago suburbs, I know most people in chicago dont care whats wrong with you. If you're different, you're told and not in a pleasant way. GO BEARS

I agree with Emo (although I can't vouch for how people in Chicago feel considering I live north of the border) but I think you had to stand up for your son and say no. He doesn't need to go. Everyone (AS or NT) needs someone in their corner and right now, that's your role. It took my husband a lot longer to come around to understanding my son's issues than it did me (I never really had to come around to it because instinctively I already knew) but it does get easier when you both agree.

Good for you for looking at the situation from Michael's eyes and seeing that there's no benefit to it. If it was involving something your son loved to do, different story (and he would probably want to go on his own accord if the bully kid wasn't there) but this is different. I think you made a great choice.

Plus, you and your HB will enjoy yourselves more knowing that Michael is happy at home doing what he wants to do and you and your HB can hang out with friends. Enjoy yourself!