Why does this always happen to me?

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Aye.

But at the same time, by that happening, with most friendships, there is the semblance of something else there, in my case, most of my female friends and I are closer then most lovers (well we don't share secrets and whatnot, but they can call me at any time day or night to talk) could ever be, because there is no whole break up thing looming if we don't think the relationship will work out.

Heck, most of my close female friends all have boyfriends, and the boyfriends all love me because I'm a guy they can trust with their girlfriends. One of my friends, her boyfriend is like a brother to me, we've known each other since my freshman year of college(I'll be a junior this year) and we're great friends. I visit her occasionally, mostly whenever he's around, but most of my friends in general don't mind it.
Another one of my friends, she's like a sister to me, we met this past year at my college, and developed a close friendship, we talk a lot, but we're just friends and I have no problem with that, we both like talking to each other, and we both miss each other a lot, just mainly because our personalities click. But she's had three past boyfriends who have treated her like crap, and she has decided to not date for a while.....but there is one guy she likes, and I'm happy for her, because it means that hopefully she can find someone who will treat her right. But in the meantime she has me, and she plans on hanging out with me a lot this year, just because we're like brother and sister(now to deal with the rumors that will be springing up on campus this year because of that. ) and she's coming home with me for thanksgiving because of a situation with her parents, which is why she's not living at home for the summer.

So in essence what I'm saying is that yes, you may be hurting, but there are chances you could possibly become better friends because of this.

And for the Record, PhantomN, according to what I've said here, I may be an Orbiter, but I'm the type that gets respect and there is a mutual liking on both our parts, even if there is no chance of dating. So watch what you say about anything.

no i don't think NTs appreciate the "tact"... they get angry that they were deceived and vent about it but move on rather than beat themselves up about it

how many times have i heard my brother b***h about how some girl was just a cock teaser



because it makes the other person feel bad to be blunt

Well unfortunately, bluntness isn't a bad thing and it is needed.

indeed

For want of a hammer, the war was lost... for all our analysis and hours spent in thought, we still seem to resort to 'brute force' communication with others instead of the dance of tact. I'm still clumsy and step on toes, and I do speak my mind, but it is a chess match that can be even enjoyable in that context.


M.

I don't like this sort of thing and do feel let down when it happens. I do realise that they are trying not to hurt, even though I much prefer straightforwardness. But I take it that I creep them out so it leads to this sort of thing. I haven't quite mastered how to 'bridge the gap' without doing that and I think that is what contributes to it.

No body does, that's just the thing, we aren't perfect. either those of us who are AS or those of us who are NT. Even NT's have this issue as well, so don't be thinking that it's just AS related.

I sure I know.

The one rejection platitude I can never stand is "You're a really nice guy."

I mean seriously: "Nice guy"?! Is that the best praise I warrant? I know it's trying to soften the blow, but damn it, I can take being kicked in the teeth better than I can take being punched with a pillow...

Also from the same Lexicon...

"You're a really nice guy." == "I think you're gay."

(Not necessarily true in all cases, but it's the way to bet.)

The thing is, a lot of them would be attracted to us if they hadn't had BS put into their heads.

I blame parents who subject their daughters to Disney and all that "Princess" garbage from an early age on, so that they grow up thinking that they have to wait for "Prince Charming" to come along. Luckily, most of them will eventually grow out of that and realize that nobody's perfect.

Okay, then I'll be honest with you. It seems like you are only too quick to blame everybody else for things that happen. I'm not saying this was your fault, because clearly it wasn't. But you shouldn't take it so personally that she was - yes - trying to let you down easy rather than hurting you. That's the way the world works, and saying 'if the world was like this...' is pointless, becuase it isn't, and it probably won't be in our lifetimes and you're just going to need to get used to it, I know I have.



That's making a generalised statement that can't really be applied to every situation.



How much chance did she give you?



People, this is how the world works. If you like, you can go and start an Asperger's-only country where everyone's honest all the time. Or, you can try being totally honest with everybody all the time and you'll probablyfind that they think you're an as*hole. I'm honest as much as possible, and if a time comes when honesty would hurt someone, unless it's necessary, I usually choose to say nothing. But sometimes, lying works. But sometimes people lie because they think it lets you down easier (and that's becuase 90% of people, it DOES let them down easier), and sometimes people ask a leading question because they want you to just tell them what they want to hear. It's just how it is.

The thing is, by the time they get to that point they're too old to show any romantic interest in.

Erm...........I'll give you that.

But you have to realize that sooner or later, she probably did lie to you and that's going to make you feel bad, because over all, you realized that there never was any chance, she lied saying she would give you a chance.

Trust me. I've been in a situation like that before. It's not fun, it hurts like hell, but it teaches you for the better, that some times there is nothing you can do it.

Relationships in the end, if they choose to work out that way, work, but you can't go expecting the girl you like, to know that you want to date her.

In every case, they did not give me any chance at all. It was always the first time I told them I was interested in them romantically. Then within a month of the person telling me the 'have issues" and 'not ready for a reltionship", they start dating someone else.

All women are hypocrites.