A sample of my story

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EDIT: Added in a little extra snippet in Kipo's desicion due to an important factor Starbuline came up with.

KBABZ!! That's wonderful! Of *course* I want to read the last snippet!

Still reading ...

Still reading, KBABZ!

You have a masterly touch. When I read what you wrote, I get the feeling, as a reader, that the author can be trusted for a good story well told. Great stuff!

re Martyr describes/explains Kipo - should it be more 'show don't tell' ?

re walking to the falls - maybe throw in some description of terrain while they talk?

How do you keep track of all this, KBABZ? Do you have a system, a secretary, or are you just brilliant? You're a born writer, that's what.

Do you publish?

Thanks, this is my first true attempt at writing something (everything else was just mini school projects with little though put into it)!

Yes, I suppose I should show Kipo's traits through showing, such as the Fire Alarm scene, as it does make for a better story. Plus, it's more eventful for the characters!

Ah, now that's a result of writing something I haven't written to yet (yes, I haven't written myself up to that scene yet). I was going on the fact that I had described it earlier! (ingenious!)

I just have a good memory. Despite all this information, I still manage to keep track of all of it, and I don't know how I do it! I'm thinking that the story would wind up topping LOTR in length once it's fully complete, so it'll be a smacker of a book! And no, I don't publish, as I'm only 16 and have just started writing. Maybe I should have some smaller texts that still fit into my story for the time being?

Oh, and do I PM you the last snippet now?

Thanks for this, it's really getting me back into writing it again!
*updates sig's award count, and I gave Claradoon two awards for spelling my username right (it was something I did on GameFAQs)*

Might I say this is freakin sweet?! But it almost feels like her friends are pitying her. you know when you said they do things like that to keep her interest? well it kinda felt like they hd no interest at all and were only doing to keep her going. i dunno. felt wierd. but on the whole I LOVED it!

Yeah, they do do that so that they can talk with Kipo because they care about her, and they want to talk with her. It's an odd thing in there, really. Might be a topic for debate later on in the story, eh?

Come to think of it, pity is kinda what they're thinking, as they do care about her.

That is the most wicked cool thing I have EVER read!

I want more!

Well if we contact each other via MSN or e-mail I'm sure I could send you some stuff!

I have just wandered into this ART..etc section, and I'm really impressed by your writing. I can see an improvement in it as you took on the ideas of philostrate and Scintillate.

I also looke at your drawings and I wondered if you had been influenced by Japanese cartoons.

Keep on going man. You have a great talent.

Thanks nanna! The drawings were influenced by Japanese cartoons, in fact the eyes were a dismal attempt at anime eyes originally, and I just kept the look!

What do you like about it?

KBABZ:

I'm not sure that I haven't mentioned it before, but I had to say this: what I particularly admire about your writing is the way you handle the dialogue. I could've never done it as you do. I "get" the dialogue when I'm reading someone else's book, but I can't write it myself. I don't have a natural sense of the direction in which conversational exchanges ought to go, and all my characters speak exactly alike (and it's written English, not spoken English). On the other hand, you manage it perfectly, and while reading your story I felt that these were living, natural conversations between living people.

You have some real talent. Keep the good work going.

Aww, thanks i_y!!

I find that my favourite part about writing is the dialogue and conversations, which is a bit ironic considering my AS, eh? I find that it all flows naturally and that you shouldn't think too hard about what characters should say. It's almost like they're writing the scenes and I'm just recording them. Also, I think that having distinct characters also helps out.

(more stuff) I also think that I write dialogue not in a book sense, but in a real-life sense. Book dialogue, to me, seems a bit flat and uninspired, but I write in a real-life sense, or a movie sense, where everything is kept brisk and interesting, even if it's just general chatter (aka Small Talk, which I find hard to write), and that means that you've already cut off the non-essentials because all the dialogue is interesting. I also find that dialogue is the best place to throw in little gags that show character. One of my personal favourites is this:

Koise and Booger, the bestest of friends you could ever have imagined, have been separated for 5,000 years (Koise got frozen in Time and Booger was captured by the bad guy and got an immortality spell cast on him for the sake of indefinite torture). Finally, they re-unite, and the first thing Booger says is:
"What took you so long?! I finished FIVE games of Solitaire waiting for you!!"

Another is at the ABSOLUTE end of the story, when the bad guy is defeated and the celebration is over, Booger goes
"Great... now what?"

Yes. I also think this has got something to do with how my mind works. It's easy for me to visualize my characters - the way they look, move, interact nonverbally - but when it comes to the words they say, I'm lost. So I prefer to write stories where there is little or no conversation (only the most significant phrases that are worth being presented in direct speech), and all the characterization is done by means of internal monologue. It's about a lot more than just words and allows to portray the character's actual thinking, and, since I can be as visual as I like, it's easier.