how to get my wife to initiate?

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The opening post, of course.

Are you implying that my understanding of your reply, to be relevant to a post that occurred three web pages ago, should be obvious after you categorized it as a post instead of a quote format?

The only way to begin to find out is to ask her. And then ignore the answer as, assuming an NT partner, it's unlikely to be the blunt truth. You'll have to decipher and interpret the real reason yourself.

Digger, you don't say how long this has been going on. If the relationship has always been like this, then there's probably not too much too worry about in terms of your partnership. However, you're clearly unhappy about it, so that is a problem you need to address.

If this is a new trend, then you have a different problem and I guess things have deteriorated way beyond fixing by a dinner, a note or face to face chat. Bluntly, this could be the beginning of the path that leads to the end of the relationship.

Sidetracking onto debated about the frequency of headaches is pointless. If a women lusts after a man, a headache won't stop her, she'll suffer it or take a painkiller to sleep with him.

Get real on housework. It's not the 1930's anymore when you required a team of servants to pluck the chickens, make the bread from flour you ground yourself, pick up each speck of dust by hand and hand wash your clothes in the local river. With washing machines, dish dryers, hoovers etc the whole housework thing can be done in less than an hour these days. Where do you think the demand for day time TV is coming from? Certainly not those in full time employment.

*rolling on the floor in fits of laughter*

Try doing just 3 loads of clothes in that time and get back to us on that will you?

Does she deflect or evade simple questions like, "Where are you going"/"When will you be back"?
Does she have any friends that seem to occupy her attention, but that you barely know at all?
Does she nag and/or criticize you more often than not?
Does she seem to put more effort into looking sexy (but not necessarily for you)?
Has she become more independent in her activities and/or decision-making?
Has she made a stranger of herself to your family?
Has she shifted her priorities away from you?
Have you become somewhat irrelevant to her?
Is her schedule or checkbook a secret?

Answer "Yes" to more than 5, and she might be seeing another man.

Try getting her intoxicated and tell her she is sexy and beautiful.

edit....soory...have bad habit of disclosing too much

Last edited by poopylungstuffing on 08 Aug 2008, 7:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

[quote="ManErg]With washing machines, dish dryers, hoovers etc the whole housework thing can be done in less than an hour these days.[/quote]




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There's no need to be having sex if you don't enjoy it but... if you deny your partner, you can't really be upset if they seek it elsewhere. It's a Catch 22.

The only way out is to talk to your partner and try to discover what you both like and dislike. There's plenty of alternatives to sex which do pretty much the same thing (except make babies).

That must be a comforting thought whose to say it could be another women.
Digger maybe try tickling her with a feather, if that fails try something a little kinky, use the whole chicken.

Oh, I wasn't assuming that anyone would actually sit and watch the machine go round and round for three hours. Each to their own, but I would rather go and do something else while THE MACHINE DOES THE WORK.

Each load takes maximum of 5 minutes to put in, set and press the big GO button. It may take 3 hours to complete, but requires no more input from you. So you can go watch daytiime TV where some studio audience will be whinging about how hard life is for todays busy people

Now will you try doing 3 loads by hand with no help from machines? We should all give praise every day to the man who invented the washing machine.

None of which is of any relevance to the OP anyway, as I said previously. Is it an AS thing to ignore the main points of a communication and home in on the light heart-hearted trivia?? As if certain key words just provoke a Pavlovian response that cannot be fought however out of context.



Steady on!! Aren't we getting precariously close to date rape territory here?

There's no way that you have kids - you might not even be married.

If this was just me, it would be easy since I'm fairly neat but my wife tends to leave her clothes all over the bedroom floor. That's nothing of course, my kids leave them all over the house and the backyard.

My wife also has a tendency to fold washing while sitting on the lounge and then leave it in baskets for a while. This leads us into one of the kids favourite pastimes - jumping off the lounge into the baskets and splashing clothes around like water in a bath. They also enjoy up-ending the baskets to wear them on their heads like hats.

So while it would take less than 5 minutes to actually put things into the washing machine. It takes ages to walk right through the house and the backyard picking up things and trying to decide whether they need to be washed or not.

Since we do our whites and our colours separately, we do a white wash, and while that's happening, we search for things for the coloured wash. You also have to factor in unloading and hanging time.

By this time, the phone has probably rung a couple of times, and there's often a lunch or at least coffee break involved.

Ultimately, if my wife is doing the washing (which I admit she does much more frequently than me), she'll be trying to achieve this between the time she drops the kids off to school and preschool and the time she picks them up again. There's no time to do it after school because then she has to help my son with Homework.

So, I guess I'm more than a little confused by your timings...

Nope...I don't sit and watch the washing machine...I sort my clothes, I pretreat stains and soak socks that somehow start off white but after a day with my 9 yr old end up being anything but. I carry them down the stairs and start the washer, then I usually go back upstairs and start a meal for my son, take out the trash, make the beds, and run the vacuum...if I'm lucky, I get some of the lawn mowed also. In between I run up and down the stairs checking the washer, and loading the dryer...I hang some things outside, because my dryer is slow...I clean up the kitchen, do the dishes, fold the clothes, iron some, and carry it all upstairs to put it away.

Yes, I can wash it by hand , and I have....I can also fix the washer when it breaks down, and have. Daytime TV?...haven't seen it in years.

Married for 16 years. 2 kids. I've done thousands of washes, nappy changes and as many of the chores as possible while also working full time. And my opinion is that at the current time, household chores while taking some time, are easy compared to what they were 50 or a 100 years ago. Or indeed any point in history. Has all the science and technology been pointless?

All of which has nothing to do with the OP.....

I've just realised there's a logical flaw in the original question. If he gets his wife to initiate, then he has initiated, not her. The only way to get someone else to initiate anything is to do nothing ....and wait.

Yep, Point taken - sorry if I annoyed you.

and yes, it's off topic/beside the point of this post.

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I went back and re-read the entire thread. there's no mention from digger1 to suggest that he doesn't do housework.

It is a good point that if digger1 gets his wife to initiate, then technically he's not initiating - but at this point, I doubt he's concerned about this.... what's more worrying is that he hasn't responded since page 1 of this post so either he's been successful (and busy) or, more likely we've either offended him or gone way too far off topic.

No problem! Sorry if I annoyed you, too. Big hugs all round??



Going off topic seems to be pretty normal for any forum!

I didn't mean plastered drunk or anything, and keep in mind she is his wife. I wouldn't suggest anything like that on a first date!

Maybe she is tense, stressed, or doesn't like her appearance, so is avoiding sex. Alcohol can help people relax (in moderate doses, used occasionally). It can be fun to get a bit drunk with someone you trust and love.