Aspies turning on each other.

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I had a "friend" for about two and a half years, a fellow Aspie. I didn't know he was an aspie until we got to talking about that, but he was never a close friend. Basically, he used me for rides to eat out and maintain his morbidly obese figure.

At first, we just hung out and play video games, and it wasn't that bad. But somehow, he got the idea that we were close friends and would call up to twenty times a day. I got him to stop doing that so much, but it got worse in the spring of 2009 when he'd begin reading all my blogs and "reporting" it to other people.

When I found months worth of emails talking about me, I cut him off, and yet he'd persist in talking to me. He'd make up these lies about how we both have asperger's syndrome and need to stand up to our enemies, and that we have to fight them or something. I don't understand how just because someone else has the same condition that I do that it makes us companions in any way shape or form.

At this point, he's turned completely and does things like spies on me on other websites and posts quotes of mine on his Facebook profile. I wouldn't be surprised (in fact I'd gladly make a bet with someone) that he'll find this and link people here too. What do I do, and is his asperger's a reason not to despise him?

What he has done (to me and many others in his life) is something no one, not even an aspie, would do if they had morals

Sounds as if he's desperate to have a connection and not be an "only one". It's comforting to have others who are like oneself, not comfortable at all to be isolated. Main problem is an absence of any sense of limits or moderation, which can apply to many of us at one time or another.

Sounds like what he needs is someone to give him a list of rules about how much contact is appropriate and how much is too much, how much talking about another person is too much, that sort of thing. Just as many of us may have difficulty with other social conventions. It's too bad it is so intrusive for you to have been turned into this guy's major Aspie interest!

It seems to me that you're his aspie obsession. Maybe try to get into his shoes and imagine being obsessed with another person? I've gone through that, as well, though I knew less about that person I was obsessed with, so I couldn't stalk him to such an extent,

You might want to create a new identity and never use the old again for anything.. Join up all your groups like you're new.
Create a profile unlike your real one. Don't say goodbye.

I find it hard to make a new identity online... it's always obvious that it is me, to those who know me.

I also understand the Aspie obsession, I used to get that way with girls, and one of them really stuck, she was this girl I talked to online when I was 16-17, and she kept asking to meet me, and I really had a hard time letting her go, and I'd do things like email her without having talked for 5 years.

but never anything bad.. i think

I've experienced this sort of social dilema, as well. I expect that all aspies will be supportive, and when they turn against one another, it surprises me. The thing for me to consider, is that people are people, wherever I go, and that there's good and bad in everyone.

CockneyRebel says:

when they turn against one another, it surprises me. The thing for me to consider, is that people are people, wherever I go, and that there's good and bad in everyone.


Your quite right their Cockney Rebel it surprise me and saddens me when an aspies turn against each other theirs a young aspie woman in my area who's completely gone off Nt's she now devotes her time and efforts in the aspie world . I hope she doesn't get her fingers burned , she should be OK I did meet one of the guys she's befriended and he seems genuine ,surely these "bad" aspies are in the minority check out the million + 1 threads "nice guys finishing last." threads May be co morbid conditions at play?

I have struggled with "people obsessions" for years, but nothing to the level of your friend. For me, I think it is more trouble with knowing when to "live and let live" than it is with stalking people. I know that I have smothered people with this behavior.

I think that this has to do with the fact that those with AS want attention and acknowledgment, even if that attention is sought through inappropriate means. Also we want to be liked and acknowledged by certain people or groups of people, so our behavior can also lead to ackward situations. I have learned that spontanious friendship is what works, not pushing the issue with people that we want to be friends with. Along with that spontenaity, we also have to learn that people have lives outside of the time they spend with us.

I would try to maintain the friendship, but have a face to face talk with your friend that you find his behaviors unsettling and even though you like his company, perimeters will have to set in the friendship. The worse thing that people can do in this situation is to blow people off. From experience it just makes the problem worse.

Stalking is never pleasant to be experience. I once had an e-stalker, though fortunately his stalking encroached upon real life. In the end, to escape him (talking to him hadn't worked unfortunately) I deleted every profile I'd ever had on any webpage and re-made them under pseudonyms. I also changed e-mail address - ultimately this did work, but it was a lot of hassle. This guy sounds like someone you definitely need to avoid, but like passionatebach said, that may not stop him from stalking you. If you haven't already, you should try to have a face to face talk with him and tell him how you feel - if it leads him to leave you alone it saves you all the trouble of hiding yourself. Ultimately, if this guy is causing you trouble and it's affecting your emotional well-being you need to protect yourself first and foremost.

Does he have friends besides you? If he does, Í'd say you shouldn't feel too sorry for him. That ally part is weird, as far as I know we aren't fighting anything nor do we have an enemy in common. Maybe he means that you two should stay together as friends as you deal with about the same issues and understand about eachother why it's an issue in the first place. (that's where an NT friend might fail)

Anyway, his AS wouldn't be a reason for me not to despise him. Having something in common isn't a reason to like someone or forgive things you normally wouldn't. Unless he really can't help it, but as you said, that's not the case.

I might be nicer to him however if I would be his one and only ''friend''. I can imagine it'd make him really sad if he's lose his last (in his perception) friend.

He's doing it again.

https://kiwifarms.is/threads/mr-burgers ... 83/page-36

AWPerative is fat.

Inferior to me.

I don't know if he is turning against you but he is manipulating you when he wants something. The best thing for you to do is let him know that
1. You feel like he doesn't contact you otherwise unless he wants something
2. Sorry you can't help him
3. Maybe mention that he seems to be using his AS as an excuse.

Wow. Sorry you're dealing with this. I can understand the friend obsession but he's definitely taking it way too far. You don't have to act on all your impulses.

If you haven't addressed him upfront about it, that's probably the next best thing to do (and the most compassionate thing!). Like be very stern and serious and maybe even "bring evidence" by printing out some of the creepy things, and explain that this is serious stalker behavior and it's basically exactly the opposite to making friends. That you can never be friends with him if things don't change, and then give him the list of the things that must change. He probably could use professional help and needs to actively seek it. Maybe he really doesn't intend to be creepy, but literally has just never had anyone call him out on impulsive behavior. There's a lot in my life that I wasn't able to learn until someone harshly called me out on it.

If you have already done this, or if you try and it doesn't get through to him, or if you just don't want to bother at this point, i would say the next step is to look in to police intervention. Not sure how internet stalking compares with real life stalking legally, but i know that stalking is a serious thing that you shouldn't ignore because it seems harmless right now. Given what you'v said thus far, I wouldn't doubt the possibly of this escalating...