Anyone experience Social Envy?

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Has anyone felt very envious & jealous at a friend who appears to have better social skills and has fewer social problems i.e. they are less isolated, aren't lonely and have more friends? Has your envy ended a friendship? I think I may have seen this happen a few times.

How common is "Social Envy" and jealousy in AS? I read that is is common in people who have low self-esteem.

Envy - is unhappiness in another's good fortune e.g. more friends, better social skills, not lonely etc. Jealousy would involve a lonely person feeling angry and upset over their friend spending time with a friend/friends.

P.S. I never feel envious myself nowadays, I used to feel this emotion about 10 years ago when I was depressed and isolated, when I had very low self-esteem, other people had friends unlike me and this made me feel very depressed and envious - even angry.

Last edited by Diamonddavej on 02 Mar 2010, 10:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

I am often envious of the socially gifted. I remember losing the class presidency in college even though I have acting and speaking experience just because I wasn't a social butterfly. MY speech would have been amusing at least. I hate people.

No, quite the opposite.
I feel somewhat of a contempt for the socially adequate or willing.

I think all of us are a little envious of the more socially gifted.

I do think progress can be made through effort but for those with more serious problems, there may be only so much they can do...

I am so much better now than I was ten years ago. Part of that is just I've become less apologetic about who I am. Another part is I've forced myself to be in social situations and learned to read people better.

Yes, before I accepted my true nature. I would put myself out there, hoping something would magically change and someone would see through my shyness and rescue me from the bar scene, but it never happened. I would feel envious when I watched other people interact so easily. You'd think years of observation would have helped but in order to do what they did I would have to maintain a facade and I didn't want to do that.

Nope. If anything, I'm happier not having to socialise all the time just to be happy like NTs have to do.

Definately. Sometimes it's nice lurking in the corner, but sometimes it would be wonderful to be one of those happy smiling confident people who within days are the best of friends with people you've been struggling to interact with for months.

The reason I started this topic - is more specific : I think it is possible for a person who feels especially lonely, isolated and depressed i.e unhappy in themselves, they can develop such a strong feeling of envy & thus animosity directed at a more social friend (even another relativity more social Aspie) that their envy turns to dislike, dislike turns to anger and anger ends a friendship.

Nah. I have what is more like social pity, or social contempt. Imagine, wasting your time and energy like that when they could be invested in something enjoyable and useful.

+1, couldn't agree more. The time my peers spend walking the streets socialising, I spend learning how to program so I can start a business. Which sounds more useful to you?

Definitely the programming. It's always great to learn new things. Especially interesting and exciting things.

Sometimes I envy those who have the ability to succeed socially with the snap of the fingers. However, for the most part I am content with who I am because I do have three friends that accept me no matter what and we always have fun together. I think it really depends on the person since some will always be envious while other won't; it depends on how thick your skin is and how much you care.

Sometimes. Mostly I just want the pervasive loneliness to go away, and having people around doesn't seem to help much.

Yes. All the time. Not in a bitter way, just in a "I wish" kind of way.

i do envy ALOT over peoples social skills even though my college tutor told me he felt awkward and uneasy to talk to people sometimes too.

so just put on a brave face or a social mask i think he said

lol to bad thats the thing im lacking in the first place and the ability to lie socially or other wise

its ironic we're brought up to believe lying isnt a trait which is held in high regard yet its something that seems to be in constant demand what a strange world we live in

Ditto. I may have felt some envy in that regard as a teen...no...no, thinking back I can't recall that I ever did...

Nope. Always hated the blighters. Social butterflies are invariably insufferably shallow twits.