Complimenting a girl

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I don't know many other aspies but I am one, and my friends, both boy and girl, often say I'm good at complimenting girls. Boys often ask me for advice too . It probably stems from my family being mostly female. But anyway:

1. Focus on non sexual things. Trust me, it makes misunderstandings less likely.

2. Focus on what is pretty about her. You know: smile, hair, eyes, new clothes, voice etc. I haven't found a girl who isn't attractive in some way.

3. If she is so pretty that you can't decide what to compliment on. Or you find being specific too embarrassing. Just be general, E.G You look pretty today. It's simple, It's probably overused, but It always works for me.

4. Say it naturally, trust me, I often observe my fellow men trying out their 'pickup lines' with that special 'pickup line' voice. It sounds wrong and it doesn't work.

5. Just say it, if it's embarrassing find a friend who happens to be female, explain the situation and ask to practice. The more confident you sound, the better it will work. A trick I use is allow my aspieness to take over, and say it frankly, while ignoring social cues . As long as you know her reasonably well it should work.

Finally, I'm not a flirt, I don't pick up girls, I just like seeing girls smile. My advice may only work for me. Maybe I'm just good looking. But as far as I know, my ways make girls smile, and as far as I know girls like boys who make them smile. So try them.

P.S If anyone disagrees with my advice, do tell. I love suggestions, and I love to learn new ways to compliment girls, as I said, I love making girls smile. It's my thing.

In my experience, most women like to be told that they "look pretty today."

They also like guys to hold doors for them--though some, especially those who are younger, seem somewhat befuddled.

The older the woman, the more she likes to have her hand kissed.

I suspect these things depend on the prevailing local culture. My first wife (mainstream NT, English) was quite offended when a woman told her she was looking very pretty - "of all the condescending, patronising.......! !" she said to me later. Kissing hands, I have no direct evidence, but I think some women could find that creepy. I've had the mickey taken out of me for holding doors open for women, when it's been fairly clear that it did no practical good. I guess the sexual subtext was too obvious. These days, as a happily partnered and faithful man, I don't do it, except when it's of practical value, like when somebody (male or female) has their hands full.

I guess the whole idea of partnered people flirting with others is also a matter of cultural norms and personal values. If it's not too off-topic, what do other Aspies see as acceptable / unacceptable? I've seen a very wide range of attitudes to it in the wide world, the most remarkable being from a lady in a poly relationship who was vexed when her hubbie told their female solicitor that she was wearing a very nice dress.

In NYC, what you describe exists--but only amongst people who think they are "above" everybody else.

Most young woman will give you a bemused look if you hold a door for her--some will actually appreciate it.

A person older than about 40 will, invariably, appreciate the gesture.

Yes, there are some women who don't like their hands kissed--especially younger ones.

Older women are what I would call 'pleasantly delighted" if a man kisses her hand.

Why neurodiverse guys don't compliment? That's because compliments are NT males game playing. Unlike what is typically said about compliments, they are all fake and games, and thus you shouldn't bother trying to learn it (because you will come out as fake).

I'm a neurodiverse guy, and I compliment.

I compliment because I feel inspired to compliment.

I learned early on that residents of the creepzone compliment others at their own peril, because it usually will be taken the wrong way.

Most people aren't on the "creepzone."

You just have to know WHEN to compliment somebody.

You don't just go up to a woman on the train and compliment her on her body, say.

sorry KK, I was just referring to my own situation.

But you're a cool guy.

These chicks who put you in the "creepzone" got it all wrong!

thank you KK! you're the cool of cool

have to agree , and creepzone is really just ugly zone. which really means they think you are below them so how day you talk to them.

I can sorta dig how they might be feeling Darwinian pressures to not waste their time on genetically mediocre specimens such as myself in favor of pairing their genes with superior specimens, so the ruder ones among them might forget their manners and say mean things to me in the process of getting me the hell away from them.

If you compliment a girl, she will consider you needy and clingy.

I don't compliment anybody, because it is creepy and disgusting to try to get somebody to like you with flattery.



I only say sincere things, and I don't play the compliment game. Not my style.

My compliments are sincere.

Without compliments, this would be a cold, cruel world.