Getting emotionally attatched to people in real life

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I find myself getting emotionally attatched to visitors when they come to my Parent's House. Especially if they seem to tolerate my quirks the way that my Family Members have never shown themselves as able to do. I've even tried to cut the time that I spend with the visitors down to two hours a day. Even if I do that, I still get emotionally attatched. It's seems that the more accepting of me that somebody is, the more attatched I get to them. It happens every time, no matter what I do. And than I feel empty inside for a couple of days after they leave to go back home again.

Do you find that you get emotionally attatched to people?

I used to have this problem. A person said hi, I thought they were my best friend. Now I have troubles caring about people at all.

I tend to get very attached to people who have some sort of trait that I like - this is the closest thing I experience to attraction - and sometimes it is not someone I know well - I'll just meet someone and think 'Wow - what a neat person . . .' and then I'll know someone else for a long time and they don't have that neatness about them and, though they are generally nice to me, I'm not attracted to them at all . . .

Bearing in mind that my term 'attraction' can be applied just as well to seeing a beautiful painting or reading a neat passage in a book - it has nothing to do with intimacy . . .

I think the/a child part of me was really slow to develop - I began to have serious separation anxiety issues in high school... I was trying to be friends with someone - hard to do when you're socially clueless and emotionally much younger than they are - but part of me sort of latched onto her and wouldn't let go; I felt so ashamed when a teacher described us as mother and child... I was unconsolable during holidays because I couldn't see the people I loved so much, many of whom hardly knew I existed; they were people I couldn't actually be with, but I sometimes tried to be near them. Sometimes I loved someone so much that it hurt to be anywhere near them but it equally hurt not seeing them... I'd want them to see me but also be desperate to get away from them... If "being in love" is anything like this then I don't want to go there .

When a friend comes to stay at my house it tears me apart when they leave; I take them to the train and then I have to return to an "empty" house... it's as if I'm missing some vital organ, I had gotten so used to their sharing my world... It feels much better to stay at their place, because afterwards it's sort of a relief to go back to the place that's totally mine, and that compensates for the shock of separation; at least the boundaries are clear then.

I also have this thing about people's voices and facial expressions, both in themselves and because of all the tiny variations of emotional meaning behind them. (I love it when an actor does a rapid succession of very subtle expressions; so much unfathomable meaning in a few seconds!) I've heard this attention to detail happens to people when they're in love; but then it happens only with the person they're in love with. To me, it can happen anytime, with anyone. I've heard some autistic people say that eye contact does this, it gives you an "in love" kind of feeling, and it doesn't feel right, so they don't look. Some people's eyes also make me feel very small; I feel like there's so much light in them I can't bear it.

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*duncvis howls*

That is the best description of eye contact I have ever read - I am moved and amazed. Really. I'm just off to faint now.........

dunc

Oh God I made you howl...

The thing is, we may be inclined to think that we're more afraid of meanness and darkness in people's eyes - which I am - but goodness can be so much more terrible...

The climax of the first chapter of Perelandra by C. S. Lewis describes this experience really well:

" My fear was now of another kind. I felt sure that the creature was what we call "good", but I wasn't sure whether I liked "goodness" so much as I had supposed. This is a very terrible experience. As long as what you are afraid of is something evil, you may still hope that the good may come to your rescue. But suppose you struggle through to the good and find that it also is dreadful? How if food itself turns out to be the very thing you can't eat, and home the very place you can't live, and your very comforter the person who makes you uncomfortable? Then, indeed, there is no rescue possible: the last card has been played. For a second or two I was nearly in that condition. Here at last was a bit of that world from beyond the world, which I had always supposed that I loved and desired, breaking through and appearing to my senses: and I didn't like it, I wanted it to go away. I wanted every possible distance, gulf, curtain, blanket, and barrier to be placed between it and me. But I did not fall quite into the gulf. Oddly enough my very sense of helplessness saved me and steadied me. For now I was quite obviously "drawn in". The struggle was over. The next decision did not lie with me. "

It's about meeting something supernatural, but this is how I feel about some people...

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I have in the past. Mainly crushes on people. Otherwise, no.

echospectra, I think I understand how you feel.

I do not understand my feelings toward others. At times, I think I don't care about anyone at all, but at other times, I feel like I absolutely need them.

I think it's a matter of moderation, for me. This can be difficult, because I am normally satisfied with a small amount of interaction, while others take this to be disinterest or aloofness.

Yes Don't Be Sad You're Not Alone!!

Feelings towards others is a good topic here.

I seem to "hug the center line" when it comes to relationships with other people. On the one hand I desire social interaction and will do so when ever the few opportunities I get comes my way.

However, I seem to have some kind of built in governer that limits how close I get to someone emotionally. I've been like this all my life and it has pretty much killed any chance I have of having any kind of meaningful relationships with anyone.

Once I get "too close" to someone, the limiter kicks in and I suddenly find myself in a much different mindset than before regarding that person. I suddenly have no desire to be around this person, I'll avoid this person at all costs, and maybe even hate this person for a short time. But once the limiter dissapears, everything seems to go back to what it was before.

I pick my targets for emotional attachmnent VERY CAREFULLY!!

I still want my ex girlfriend back sometimes. She was like the borg...resistance is futile! She broke through the shields and got through to me. She just tried so hard and then it turns out she was very troubled herself.
I don't think I ever connected and could talk to a girl like that EVER before in my life. I put up defences because I was scared and she just didn't care. I remember she would get in my face and stare at me with her big beautiful brown eyes until I looked at her. She would jump all over me when I didn't like to be touched. She wore away the fears until I HAD no choice but to respond. I trusted her like I trusted my mother and then she threw that all away.

When we broke it off 4 years ago, we continued to see each other a little bit for about a year. I saw her last christmas at a distance when I was shopping. I could see her looking at me out of the corner of my eye and she looked quite sad. I almost went over but.....no. So now I don't trust women so easily and am not as desperate as I used to be to find a girlfriend. Sometimes I want to reach out, other times I am sick of everyone...Just like what alot of you say. Overall, the only people I am emotionally attached to are my closest friends and my family.

Yes... I've had that tendency my entire life.

When I was less than 10, I would often try to engage guests in perseverating conversations on various pet topics. This was undoubtedly considered charming and perky, to be sure, but it gets old after a while.

One guest opened my eyes just a little, by saying in a friendly way, "if you and I were the same age, I think we'd have a great deal to talk about." A slight put-down I suppose, but it was an awareness-raiser.

I used to get very attached to cousins when they would visit, then miss them quite a bit when they left. As we all got older, I slowly learned that relatives aren't always automatically one's friends!

I have tried to hold to a middle ground on this, with some success as I have gotten older. Unfortunately I think I have still managed to "burn out" a few friends and aquaintances by being too forward too often, and others I have "frozen out" by holding back too much.

Not an easy thing to learn to manage, for some of us anyway (including me.)

I guess I must be an non-typical NT (if that isn't a contradiction in terms lol)- my problem has always been that I'm far too open with people. I tend to be willing to do anything for anyone and will consider someone a friend pretty much straight away. This has caused me a lot of hurt in the past because I can never understand why I don't get the same willingness back from these 'friends'. The worst part for me is that even when I realise someone was playing games with me I still feel attached to them.

Yes, I get emotionally attached to people easily. But less so now. I was mistreated by people who took my innocence, acceptance, gullibility, and emotional connection to their advantage. People would 'borrow' money and of course have no intention of ever repaying me, or asking favors galore that I would grant readily, but in a relationship where I was below them, where I should be happy they even put up with me. In short I was used. It is far harder to hook me into these kinds of relationships now. But it hurts to think about what happened.

At upper school I had a friend (and looking back I would never class her as a friend now) who 'borrowed' money for a mars bar everyday for 2 years!! ! I eventually said no one day and she acted like I was the meanest person alive. Why is it that people seem to be able to sense those of use they can use???

Melvis,

People could sense that I was desperate to belong to the group, to be treated as normal, so I was easily manipulated. Maybe it's just pack animal behavior with me the weak one so I get picked on. I hate it. I hate seeing it happen to others too.