12 year old daughter wants to go to high school

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Hi
Advice needed here.
My 12 year old daughter with As is very keen to go to the local high school next term. She has just finished at a steiner school which she was not mad about , didnt have one friend the entire time there, although felt very loyal to the whole class and would never hear a word of critisism "You hate my friends!" she would say.
Anyway, I was never very happy with her teacher and would like her to do a further year there with a different really fantastic teacher, who apart from being a really sound human being, is also fairly clued up with as. Also, she is young for her age, plus in high school would also be amongst the actual youngest in the class, plus I feel she could benefit from a repeat of maths etc.
She would be joining a different class, and still not be the oldest, and there are some other kids from her old class going there too. Then the following year she could go to high school.

She wants to go the local high school now, which by all accounts is fairly typical of a local not particlarly brilliant high school, not the worst either. My worries are, well where do I start. Basically I think she has some dream idea of high school from tv programmes she's seen, knowing my daughter when reality kicks in and she hasnt turned into some high school girl from one of the programmes, she will hate it and then it'll be too late for the old class, as there is a waiting list there. There are a few kids going to the high school from her old class, none are her friends, and one in particular resents the fact (I've been told) that my daughter hangs around her (she considers her to be her "friend". )
So what to do?
One friend has sai to me, let her go to high school, it could work out, etc, yes but if it doesnt we've lost the good place, and it's an inconvenient exercise in letting my daughter get her own way. By the way, I only recently in the last 4 weeks got the diagnosis for my daughter, though 'd long suspected it, and have not told many people, only family.

If she's academically and intellectually qualified to move forward, let her move forward.

There's nothing more boring than being stuck in a class with a group who's studying things you already know. When a smart kid becomes intellectually bored, they stop making the academic effort. Why strive for an A, when you can coast through on Bs and Cs without ever cracking a book?

Which means when it comes time for college, you have zero useful study habits because you've never had to study.

Besides math is there anything else you feel she needs to retake? If it is just math, then I say sender up to high school. Or you could hire a tutor for math and still send her to high school. Your child wants to learn let her.

@ the op.

I am not a fan of grade skipping, and the principal at my children's elementary school explained it well, since she was, herself, a grade skipper as child: there is always something important that ends up missed. So, basically, unless your daughter has truly completed all the academic work required through 8th grade, she should attend 8th grade. It sounds like it isn't quite that simple in the school you use, but maybe try to apply a theoretical equivalent.

As a social issue, I'm not comfortable sending a child who is too young into high school. It seems to work out OK for the occasional obvious genius, but I would assume there is likely to be a difference between the way kids treat an obvious 10 year old in their class and a 13 year old that they may not realize isn't 14. There are developmental issues to consider, such as if she is ready for the responsibility expectations, the personal initiative expectations, the sheer size, and so on.

But, it is her life and her stated opinions should not just be ignored; it is possible she is expressing herself poorly but does have good reasons.

Hard to know what I would do, but I think this is it: think of every possible consideration involved in this decision and present the lsit to her. See if she can thoroughly and responsibly address the considerations on the list. If she can, then I would seriously consider listening to the request. If she can't, then you have ample ways to explain exactly why you are making a different choice.

I will second DW: my brother, who certainly has AS traits, attended an accelerated program where he skipped two grades, and then proceeded to take AP courses for college. He wound up being a sixteen-year-old freshman with painful difficulty in social situations skills (even for an average sixteen-year-old, but they were exacerbated by the fact that he was in classes with kids three to four years older.)

I wonder if you could ask the high school if your daughter could visit for a day, or take a single class - just to make sure she's clear on the reality of this move.

We are heading into middle school as well, a time that was particularly difficult for me as a child, and I've discussed my concerns with our counselor: he mentioned that the kids who tend to weather social difficulties are those who have some kind of special group outside of school - theater, stamp collecting, chess, whatever. Is there some kind of appropriately stimulating activity your daughter can join where she'll find kids who she can be friends with? (We have a circus arts group where I live that seems to be a safe place for kids who are "different," my hope is my son will stick with it.)

Thanks for all the feeback, it was helpful. to me . Only didnt understand Moniqueij , what does that mean op? With accompanying eyes rolling to the heavens? Anyway, I should've said, I'm in ireland not usa, so she would not actually be skipping a grade at all, she would be staying down. She is clever in her own way, but with an eclectic knowledge, over all she's academically fine, but when it comes to oral presentations, team work , giving opinions on anything, she kind of shuts down.

Oh and also, to momsparky, unfortunately no outside interests at all, she is only into going on runescape on the computer, morning noon and night, in between visits to the kitchen for food. (but i make her go for short runs every so often to break up comp time. ) But hopefully next term now...

OP means Original Poster.

This is an extremely biased weigh-in, but I was in your daughter's situation when I was in the seventh. My parents decided that (although, as my middle school was a TAG school and I would be taking the same classes there as I would have at high school) it would be unfair to deprive me of the company of people my age. Suffice to say I got sick and tired of having to retake the same Algebra class twice (and as a form of rebellion failed both times... )

High schools are very accommodating of students' areas of specialization, at least in my country. My freshman year, I was allowed to take some classes that usually, only juniors and seniors were allowed to take - although I was slightly below my grade average in mathematics. Don't hold your daughter back because you're worried that she'll face harassment or bullying. Having been the youngest in several classes, I can state that in my experience, younger kids in advanced classes are actually sought out more for friendship and aid (the logic goes something like: "If she's clever enough to be in this class, she must have above-average note taking skills to make up for her age," or some similar, I believe."

Ultimately, do what you think is right. It's your choice, but for me, repeating math was extremely boring and I got nothing out of it. I'd suggest that you find a tutor for her/use an Internet tutor for learning some of the math skills she didn't pick up last year.

Good luck.

I dont understand? Are you saying that academically she is ready to go on to high school, but you don't think she could handle it. And you therefore want her to repeat a year of school?

If that is the case, then I would say let her go. I hate to sound rude, but school is a complete waste of time until you get into the later high school years and get to learn actual useful things. Repeating a year of middle school isn't going to teach her anything useful. All it is going to do is bore her out of her mind and force her to live through another year of hell. And again, I don't mean to sound rude, but there is nothing good about middle school. It is a complete waste of time, and the less time you spend in there, the better.

As far as the math thing, I would suggest getting her a tutor or something. I don't know what the schools are like in your country, but here in the US they don't actually teach the students. If you want your child to learn something, getting outside help would be far more effective then another year of being taught the same thing in an equally ineffective way.

yes Tracker, you hit the nail on the head, in your first paragraph (as I've noticed you generally do from your posts ) Anyway, enough advice pointing me in the right directon, will probably let her go. Thanks everyone!