The Hertz Donut monolog from "The American Astronaut" (This has plenty of NSFW language)
It's basically a shaggy dog story so don't expect any payoff to the joke, but there is something absurdly and darkly funny to the whole thing.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLZ9rTzLURw[/youtube]
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Never let the weeds get higher than the garden,
Always keep a sapphire in your mind.
(Tom Waits "Get Behind the Mule")