What am I supposed to do?

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I wanted to reply to a post in a locked thread (unrelated to the flamewar that led to the thread being locked, so i hope the mods will okay this...)

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf136785-0-26.html

Where are the women that are 26 then? Part of why I was overly desperate with my ex is that she was the last woman anywhere remotely near me in age in my social circle. And now that she's gone off to college and started her own life away from home, I don't have anyone else to turn to. And to make things worse, I don't have any regular friends anymore either.

It really sucks for me because mainstream religion doesn't do well with unmarried folks (to the point of discrimination in some cases). But there's nowhere else I can go that's safe. Where I can at least know that I'm not going to end up on the business end of a restraining order or publicly pointed out to be a major creep, just for asking someone for a coffee. Where I don't have to feel the sting of rejection anymore (and by "sting", i mean more than just a simple "not interested", which would be sufficient).

change your social circle then.

Mostly married. Thanks to my NT (and frustratingly normal) sister-in-law, I'm perfectly aware of the fact that it's weird for a female to be 25+ years old and still single. The rest of you should also thank her now, because otherwise you wouldn't know how weird you are by society's standards.

Oh, and in response to your question: keep looking. You're still young, you have time, you don't seem like a complete ass, etc. Good luck.

Social circle and stop giving a fsck!

Toad, if you search back through previous threads you will find that you have already been given all the good advice that there is to give.

No one can tell you anything new they are just using different words to say the same old thing.

If your church is full of people who are too old or too young then you need to be getting out and doing something else as well.

It's down to you. You need to get out there and make new friends and maybe a girlfriend.

You need to work on your self esteem. If you are happy with yourself you will be more attractive to other people.

You need to work on your social skills. People can be put off if they don't receive certain responses or signals or you fail to pick up on signals they are giving.

Get to the gym, take a martial arts class, take up a sport or something. Exercise is not just good for the body but good for the mind too. It can give you an improved sense of well being, better self esteem and confidence. It will also bring you into contact with a different group of people.

Get out and about. Join a club, take an evening class, anything.

Get searching. Look for someone likely to be compatible with yourself not just any random person. Maybe use local newspaper/magazine lonely hearts ads or something like that.

It's down to you Toad. The right people are out there. You have to go and get them.

When it comes to getting a job you spend years in school and university preparing yourself. Then you need to conduct a targeted search. This is the same.

If you want a decent result you have to put the work in. No one can do that for you.

Right...so he's still got time to find someone (according to you) but the odds (according to you) are very small because of the few unmarried women in his age range. Isn't that a contradiction? What age do you propose he looks at?

The women mostly likely get on with Toad probably won't be married at 26. There will still be plenty left at 36. Quite a few will be available again by 46.

So yes, Toad has plenty of time but he needs to target his search. Ms average probably won't cut it.

I used to look for someone who would give their all to me in a relationship. In a way, it's still at the back of my mind. I had to tell myself though that people actually want a life outside of a relationship and that it wasn't everything. I think my standards are quite high still in that I want someone to treat me as if I was their everything, although I don't expect it of anyone. It's probably why I get so easily bored, everyone is boring compared to what I dream of. The last guy I really liked complimented me all the time, and let me know that he understood my feelings. Yet, he was unavailable most of the time which meant at first I was nuts about him, then later I realised he was being an a***hole.

For me, when I used to get very upset about having a lack of friends, and getting incredibly lonely...I just thought to myself "If nobody else wants to put any effort in with me, then why don't I put all the effort and love into myself?" It's being selfish, but I think it's what you need. People respect you as much as you respect yourself. I think you've got to have a bit of pride in order to stay sane.

You should run naked in the street , maybe some 26 yo woman would find you confident and sexy then.

I know you do NOT want to hear this Toad but I think you mite could try giving up on relationships. You sound a lot like I used to sound a few years ago on some other sites Toad. I've only had one woman in my entire life & that was about 7 years ago. I've been trying to find one for 6+ years with NO luck but bad. Looking back; some things would of been better if I would not of been trying for a relationship the last 6 years. I'm NOT going to insist or try to push you or anything cuz that is your choice to make but I don't want you to look back on your life & feel like you've made things worse by wanting a relationship. I've ruined a lot of friendships over the years by being so desperate. My women freinds majorly freaked out cuz I tried asking em out & lots of others online & off got really tired of me sounding like a broken record about how lonely I am & how I cant find anyone ect. I really wish I had some better advice for you but I cant think of anything rite now

I'm telling you, walk into that army recruiter's office any time you want to find a new group of friends, just let them know I sent you because appearantly, this is not only great advice, I can actually get money from it too