What's on your mind right now?

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...Whatevs. I don't need nobody. I can just be a lonesome individual. T__T

^^Sorry about that. >.< I've been very busy of late. Kura to the rescue.

thank you... the only person who expresses any concern or belief in these aspirations offline is a therapist.

unfortunately, yes, they’re typically expensive to learn, and especially so in california. can’t afford them personally, but have been offered past studies by family concerned about being a pedestrian around here... have had some odd experiences with people looking for a contact for something unknown in broad daylight. one seemed more than disgruntled about a past purchase... stopped at a light, and jumped out of his car in pursuit while ranting until it must have set in he wasn’t yelling at who he thought he was. from the distance the sound of his pace kept, all that could be done was to walk as if unrattled within a mediation(focusing on a point in the distance and walking without thought upon anything else) without turning around in case he had a gun, and didn’t wish to be identified.

it doesn’t always seem overpriced out of greed though, with as much as it costs for overhead, and whatever licenses are required. typically, that’s the problem, as unknown style names get glossed over for those that are made most familiar through popular media. it’s why there are many karate and kung fu studios... as the names are familiar, even though kung fu isn’t a style, and karate is often sold by the direct translation of either “empty hand” or “chinese hand”, and the garb the iconic japanese gi, because people will train in it even if they don’t know it isn’t actually karate(actually, shaolin white crane kung fu, was supposedly the inspiration for okinawan karate, and okinawan the inspiration for japanese karate... kind of interesting, as it means japanese karate is not a traditional art, it was refined to require great strength/resilience to be effective for self defense, and shaolin white crane was said to be devised by women for self defense like wing chun was.).

the ideal is to save a few true defense arts from being lost to the united states, open a studio somewhere affordable, yet not dangerous, and have a job that can pay the expenses so that students can choose to pay by donation if they wish or can... kind of like the teachers of old. it’s hard to imagine how though, as if to go into some medical field, the conscience would feel weighted if not to work in a free clinic. father says the nation is not as bad as california would make it seem... having lived in a few states elsewhere, he’s probably correct. just been here too long, and it’s too costly to stay, and very costly(in priorities... finished most of community college less than a decade ago, so it’d be faster and less expensive to transfer to an in state university) to leave.

as for taking up the marketing challenge, wing chun has tried to, and it surely gets female students, but they aren’t exactly taking up roles in hong kong cinema, and traditional martial arts get nerfed in televised fights because the hands cannot be bound without having a debilitating effect to muscle memory, and reflex speed much like putting shoes on a graceful cat only makes it into a sullen and clumsy creature. there’s that, and traditional asian arts went beyond strength and focused upon efficient strikes to the nervous system, or ones that triggered autonomic responses(have to take into account that such people were often starving, not large, and weapons outlawed), of which, many are in regions that are off limits in any televised fight.

I'm tired of being sad.

I'm happy no matter how saddening the comparisons to state enemies. Where this work is concerned, my life is ordinary, completely. Understanding me is easy because SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY KNOW ME. Do I feel betrayed? Consensus says I should, absolutely & I completely disagree. Writing off almost decade of work in the periphery of a manipulative industry is obviously not meant to be easy. I welcome historical comparisons but nothing & nobody yet managed to kill me. I'm writing here so we can all stop profiling each other & get back to healing.

Thanks for enjoying some free verse with me, we should all either party or build something. Some people eat, sleep & breathe technology. We all live with individual realities. We don't need our love lives profiled scientifically. The state has no right. That does not make anyone with unique personalities freaks, fiends, heretical or criminal. Living with real ethics has little to do with anonymity save for a select few with the cognitive ability, that does not include private interests & no one represents themselves in person anonymously. Corporations are not people if you ask me. No one can buy invisibility from Houdini, he gave it away freely.

So here goes a little online dating with me. I am still taken. I do not treat personal life impersonally. I'm glad we know the real definition of privacy.

Chest binders. I'm going to buy a couple and wear them to my parents house.

This is where I go through the deep end of weirdness straight into the coney island peanut gallery.

Now that we've got the Geneva Convention in mind again, just as soon as my fam sees me alive again I can get back to wealthy know-nothings lying to me.

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same reactions. except that they take 30 minutes to two hours. usually one hour long. straining.

each week, usually i eat about nine servings of dessert. almost always whoppers. milk chocolate malt balls.

and drink five liter water per day. sometimes more.

only supposed to drink 2 liter daily. but otherwise can't be successful.

last week, on 2 days only drank four liter water each. the next day, only had one bowel movement each. despite going 3 separate times. and straining.

failure.

usually eat about nine servings fruit/veg total. enough fiber.

my anxiety in real life is starting to get out of control

I feel like I'll go pretty far to keep the peace, but I guess everyone draws the line somewhere. Or rather, everyone draws lots of lines, in lots of places. For one, I draw the line at vast conspiracies among scientists. I've met scientists. If you tell me about vast conspiracies among salesmen? Sure, no problem. I've met salesmen. I expect different problems from each, but vast conspiracies simply wouldn't work out among scientists.

Source: the entire explosive, simultaneous, border-crossing history of science, and the bloody-minded nature of scientists.

Well that sucks, mine's lower than its' ever been.

look at the girl in the middle!
it's called the beauty of the mix. google says she is of mexican and filipino descent.

^ her name is arianny celeste. shes cute!

Pokemon Go

My tablet just had a screwed battery, and I couldn't use it.
My reviewer isn't done yet, and several references are in the tablet's **phone** memory, not in the SD card... I guess I have to salvage my sister's books and lecture notes if she had left any.

And I'm subbing the secretary tomorrow. At least I get to be busier by then.

I think I should stop making commitments to others, for a while. It's becoming harder to keep them, and breaking commitments, kills me, inside.