Avoiding the creepy autistic male stereotype

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erm, not really. a tall, dark, handsome, suave NT man can be creepy too.

As one who is quite the opposite of what's generally considered "tall, not-so suave (i'm "dark" because of my Southern European/Mediterranean heritage and because i've had alot of sun exposure in my life and "handsome" i'll leave to the beholder)....and definitely not NT....I pretty much agree with this.



Women may not want to admit it.....but they make some pretty shallow judgements about men too solely based on physical appearance, demeanor, etc......


It's one thing to not want to sleep with someone because they're not attractive to you. It's quite another to view them as a "creep" because they're not attractive to you and I believe there's enough women out there who engage in the latter.

Just like there is enough men who believe a woman is stupid just because she's blond and attractive in their eyes.

Look....don't expect much from humans and you'll never be disappointed

What is the NVLD? condition that the girl on Facebook has?

You should have warned her she might catch Aspergers off you.
It was evidently imperative that she didn't have Aspergers wasn't it? lol

I really can't stand people like that.

Far from worrying about how you came across to her, see it as a lucky escape!

I feel instant depression on even reading the words of people like that - their normality is constrictive to my brain! Such a horrifically narrow and pre-determined focus - it makes me feel horror to even imagine what it must be like to have such restrictions continually imposed upon what you can talk about and how.

Whatever this condition is she's supposed to have, take it from me shes 99.9% bone fide NT!

I take your point but no way do I want some kind of charity social interaction off people with higher social status - I prefer to avoid anyone who judges people by such criteria as they are invariably never as intelligent or interesting as they think as they never develop a sufficiently independent mind.

The only reason I can see for trying to benefit from association with a person of higher social status is if they are good looking and you are after sex - then and only then is it worthwhile taking what's on offer. Anything broader than that and you will have to tolerate all the other hangers on such people invariably collect, who will immediately start to compete with you.

These social high-fliers would have to come crawling to me for my attention and even then I'd probably say no!

I am able to subvert the social hierarchy system to get what I need from life by intellect alone,
by appealing to the intellect of other outsiders.

Well....this will do for a brief description of NVLD/NLD. For the present anyway, it MUST do as I need to get to bed.



http://www.nldline.com/

For a more in-depth description of NLD/NVLD if you prefer:

http://www.nld-bprourke.ca/


In short....NVLD is a neurological disorder which is not yet formally recognized by the American Psychiatric Association. In it's clinical presentation, if not etiology, (and some believe NLD and Asperger's may share a similar, if not identical etiology as well) it is very similar to Asperger's. Those who don't fit the diagnostic criteria for AS but still exhibit some of the major characteristics are often identified as individuals with the NLD syndrome when the quanity/quality of symptoms meet the NLD criteria and not something like PDD-NOS or HFA. Nonetheless.....it is likely that at least 25% and as many as 80% of those dx-ed with Asperger's exhibit many, if not all, the major NVLD characteristics.

Anyway...the psychologists that have examined us over the years believe we both have NVLD/NLD. This girl believes there's a significant difference between NLD and Asperger's. I believe the supposed differences are little more than an example of diagnostic hair-splitting. That is merely a difference of opinion and I have no problem with her simply because she disagrees with me about all this. The trouble with this girl is that she was denying there is EVEN A DEBATE (among professionals and non-professionals alike) as to whether NVLD/NLD and Asperger's are same disorder or not. That is clearly not the case and she just refused to believe that.

Regardless of her own claims about her own NVLD.....the more i've thought about her....the more I think she doesn't even have NLD/NVLD.


At least not *full-blown* NVLD/NLD from what little I can judge from her photos on facebook, her self-proclaimed *intact* social skills, etc.....Without ANY deficits in social skills, it's questionable as to whether she has NLD or not. I'm not saying she's lying.....but maybe she's just been misdiagnosed. She claims to have serious problems with all types of memory as well. With the exception of VISUAL and WORKING memory often enough....individuals with NVLD/Asperger's usually have average or better memory abilities.

I agree with you....it's as if she was mocking my every word from the beginning of our facebook conversation and I went out of my way to
be as nice to the girl as I possibly could be. Now I was doing so for partially my own purposes, i'll admit that. I have no friends with NLD/Asperger's in the real world and not many online either. Thus....I was quite excited when I believed she could at least be a nice addition to the few *non-neurotypical* friends I have online. I have a great deal of trouble relating to my NT friends and family. I think it's important for us humans to have at least SOME relationship with people we can identify with and who share our struggles.

But alas......this girl starting annoying me pretty quickly when she started acting like a petty thought policewoman.

Horus, you are very knowlegable and certainly out-trump me in this subject, but to me, you came across as a little arrogant towards LD in the chat. I 100% doubt this was your intention but the language suggested that you were telling her rather than discussing it. I have this problem with a mate of mine that I've known for many years who also has AS. He has his opinions and discussion topic choices and is very reluctant to listen to mine.

I read an article yesterday that was a bit of an eye-opener for me

I don't agree with all of it (esp towards the end) but it has made me think about one or two things:

http://synecdochic.livejournal.com/214607.html

You have my sympathy.

It seems to me that her interest in you was mainly visual, as evidenced by her asking about photos of you - always a bad sign as it's clearly indicative of a person being more interested in form than content.

She wouldn't even have the capability to type long entries like yourself on facebook so don't ever worry about not coming up to the 'standards' of vaccuous people like that.

It's nice to get attention off people but next time only reply with as many lines of text as the person sends you; that way you will maintain a balance in the conversation and you won't unwittingly make yourself too vulnerable to another person's judgment.

She would have rapidly outed herself as a waste of time however short your replies were though. There's nowhere to go mentally with this type of person - they are the junk food of people types as they do nothing to improve your mind and everything to trash it - definitely not worth bothering with except for the odd ego boost from time to time.

You need to act like you're occupied with other things; as if she's not special - that way you make yourself seem more unobtainable and hence more attractive. If she comes on again or someone like her does; say something like 'I'm off out in a few minutes' ie make them work hard for your attention not the other way round.

If girls like this one are finding you physically attractive all you need to do is learn how to read the signs and play them correctly. With good looks you're 99% there already.
You just need to learn how to come across as confident and witty. Then you can be the one doing the choosing, which is the position you must always aim for. Try never to be the desperate chaser - it's a humiliating position that will ruin your self-esteem. See yourself as a valuable prize that others need to work hard to deserve

Some people might see this as slightly unethical but for me, the ideal is to have one person you're with and another in reserve that the main person knows about ie they know that if they don't come up to standard they can soon be replaced. It's a win win situation as if you do split up you've got the reserve to step in. If the reserve is no longer available or inclined you just start from scratch again but it's all about having belief in yourself as a worthwhile person.

I think my AS means I am quite clinical in terms of how I approach relationships ie I have devised a system that works for me. Surely we should be able to use our autistic brains to our advantage sometimes though?

This is true but I see it as her not being Horus's intellectual equal hence it's doomed to failure anyway. She needs to have the substance to formulate a decent argument and if she can't she's not going to be worth pursuing as aspies need intellectual stimulation above anything else in my opinion. She sounds exceedingly NT as well and she appears to see Aspergers as on a par with the bubonic plague! That alone is bad enough.

I've laid into exactly this type of person numerous times on forums in the past and been banned for it

They just bring out the very worst in me. The affectation of superiority with no evidence for it!

Also, if the man is attractive enough, most women will be only to happy to roll over and play dumb to order - they will be delighted to have something explained in a patronising tone if it means maintaining the man's attention.

Last edited by nessa238 on 06 Jul 2011, 12:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

Wow.....i'm sorry.....I REALLY AM....but I feel I must take issue with this article. I am glad to see you did as well even though a few sound points were made.



If I were a women.....i'd be terribly insulted by this article. This last sentence really made me cringe even as a male:


"Here's why. Listen to what she's saying, okay? It's true for her, and she doesn't need you telling her how things 'really' are."

! !! !


So what are women then in the eyes of this author??? (who apparently IS a woman)


Just hapless little simpleton fairy creatures who aren't interested in objective facts about reality??? Emotionally-driven, infantile inferiors who, along with their physical weakness, are too psychologically weak to deal with reality???

It sure sounds like this author is implying all of these. If so.....I hope she does not define herself as a feminist because she has just reinforced some of the dumbest and most dehumanizing stereotypes idiot misogynists have held (and still hold...though hopefully to a lesser extent in contemporary western society) about women. Wow....just wow


I except more from women....sorry.....MUCH more. I except plenty of them to annihilate me in ANY debate. That's because i'm not as smart as you apparently think I am and I know there's millions of women in the world who can run circles around me intellectually and in every other way too. That said, I felt no particular compunction to handle LD with kid gloves. Still.....I DO see your point and in retrospect....I do feel I came across as a little arrogant even though I had no intention of doing so. There is enough blame to go around here and I really have no significant ill-will towards LD. She seems like a sweet and harmless person overall. Still.... the mockery I received from her and her intolerance of someone she knows NOTHING about coupled with the presumptuousness it took to believe she CAN know a good deal about someone from a few brief online conversations is really suggestive of issues she needs to work on.

I mean I make every attempt to understand where even NEO-NAZIS are coming from and why they believe in things which define them as neo-nazis.

I am both jewish by ancestry and I have neurological disorder.....the nazis would've gassed me twice, so to speak.

This girl wouldn't give me a snowball's chance in hell to explain myself and my ideas though and she summarily wrote me off after I said several
things that didn't get her seal of approval.

She succeeded where even Harvard-educated psychologists failed with me after nine months of therapy.


She had me all figured out after less than an hour's worth of conversation on Facebook chat.....LOL Imagine that from a law student who claims to be eating quite a large slice of humble pie when describing her intellectual prowess. In short.....LD just makes no sense to me and seems to be basing her conclusions about many things on emotion rather than logic. That is NOT a female thing.....that is a HUMAN thing....all too human i'm afraid.

Last edited by Horus on 06 Jul 2011, 12:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

Your kindness towards her does you credit - you've got far more tolerance than me! lol

I think a lot of the time it's just that the NT focus just isn't the same as ours and to try and force them round to our way if thinking just makes them irritable if not outright offended.
If you think you are just barely skimming over the surface of a topic that will usually still be far too much detail for the average NT (which she sounds like she is predominantly).

If you find someone on the same wavelength there's none of this awkwardness, you just
click - you'll find sufficient people like this if you remain open to life.