Aspie girl and the hookup culture

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Okay so first off I'm new here and very glad to find a community of people like me! I have a dilemma and figured this would be a good starting point to discuss it since others here can relate to me.

I am 23 years old and have been diganosed with AS since I was 10 years old. I have a hard time making and keeping friends b/c I tend to either come off as weird or jealousy issues on my part begin if I felt left out of social events. Nonetheless, I have managed to mainstream pretty well since I was 16 and have been very successful at work, school, and will graduate college soon. My issue is that I can't seem to get a grip on the dating scene, I have only had a few dates and three relationships (two soured my current one may be an aspie too). I love my bf right now and am very happy with him, but I have an issue that I will have to face soon.

I am moving out of state to work on a career program with other young people which is a once in a lifetime opportunity. The problem is that this is resemmbling college for me with the whole hook-up culutre appearing again. I've already made contact with several students and so far all anyone talks about is all the hooking up that will happen. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to cheat on my bf (he's too much of a prince to hurt like that) but part of me wonders why I can't get into this trend? Do other aspies have this problem?

This subject seems to be coming up a lot lately - you should check some of the other recent threads on the subject...

But to answer your OP: it's simply a lifestyle choice you need to make. Although I've dabbled in casual sex, I found it to be very unsatisfying, but that's just my personal opinon and you could be completely different. No one can really answer this question for you. Hopefully some of our polyamorous members will chime in on the subject.

Also, you seem to understand that once you cross that line, your relationship with your monogamous boyfriend will be at risk. It's up to you to decide whether or not it's worth it...

Hookup culture is shallow.

I know its shallow....I just wonder why I never followed into it like the other 80 percent of my age group.

Just for the record I AM NOT NOR WILL I EVER CHEAT ON MY BF! I just get worried that i'll be seen as weird already when I get there. I rarely party, find being drunk terrifying, and rather chill with bf and friends watching Big Bang with takeout than be in a stuffy club.

There's really no problem here. The hook-up culture is a soul sucking phenomenon. No one is bettered by hooking up and a very large proportion of doing it isn't even fun. While it may be considered a trend, it's really nothing new; it was going on in the 70s when I was in college.

You have a boyfriend you enjoy. Consider youself blessed and whole. That part of you which wonders is simply your insecurities speaking and they are best ignored.

You will NOT be seen as "weird" because of your monogamous lifestyle, most Aspies are seen as weird because they're Aspies.

I challenge your 80% figure, the polyamorous community is not even the majority in college.

What's so wrong with chillin' with the BF? - sounds pretty awesome to me...

8o perecent is an estaimate, i have no clue for real.

You are right, I love my prince and so blessed to have him! I just want to have a good time in the program w/o reliving high school and the "cool kids" not liking me and calling me a nerd

You are correct....its not worth it, some of the guys sound like rejects from real world, and jersey shore I just wonder if other aspies feel pressured into fitting in to this extreme?

I know it's just an estimate, but it's probably more like 25-30% based on some of the studies I've seen.

It take very specific type of person to be polyamorous for an extended period of time and actually enjoy it, and by the way you talk about your boyfriend it sounds like you aren't one of them...

Yeah I wouldnt....I'm a romantic (blame it on 20 years of princess movies!) Plus I might find some others who arent into it either and we'll hang and watch Big Bang with my bf skyped in!

Concentrate your resources on the second quote. Drinking and sexing-around tax a lot of energy even for those who are addicted to these behaviors.

I don't know one person, young or old, who regrets ever having concentrated their limited resources (and everyone has limited resources) on the challenge of their early adulthood opportunities.

Also on a more minor note; What kind of flibbertygibbits would think a peer who has boyfriend is wierd because she does not hook-up while out of state? Why worry about what such a person thinks about anything?

Last edited by MountainLaurel on 13 Oct 2011, 7:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hee hee flibbertygibbets

I'm starting to feel better again thanks to you guys!

It's never been much interest to me. I crushed on boys and stuff but never had any desire to take it further.

You're doing ok to have only had 3 boyfriends at 23. I'm 26 and have only had two, and I am quite high functioning too.

Im not sure if women really do "hookups" as such. I think if women have one night stands they are still pretty selective, that is unless they are blind drunk...

I think you've got everything straight, and seem to have a very mature, honest outlook. So I have nothing to add other than you should make yourself a 'robotic' boyfriend in honor of Big Bang, haha. Have your bf skype with laptop attached to a RF car or something! That would be awesome. You could take him on walks, drive him around your dorm...