Do NTs even think about life milestones?

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Well the way I see it I am not competing with NT's......I don't compare where I have gotten in life to how far an NT of the same age may have gotten because thats two different things. What is normal development for me is not normal development for NTs and whats normal development for them is not normal development for me.

don't know if this makes any sense.

-edit- this is to the OP, if that was not clear.

Wow, I feel EXACTLY the same way. My whole life, even when I was 3 years old, I can remember feeling like I was too mature for the tasks I was being given, and hated being treated like others my age. People were always telling me that I was "old for my age" and I felt that way too. Now, I'm 21 and I feel like I will be on the level of maturity of a 17-year-old forever. I still like to think that I am philosophically wise in a way, but I would have no motivation to be independent if I wasn't being forced by society and my family. I feel so much safer living with my mom, going to school, and staying inside on the computer, rather than trying to achieve new milestones like getting my own place, getting a job, etc. I did manage to get into a very serious relationship through no effort of my own, but it ended so badly that now I feel worse off than before in my relationship skills.

I feel like the role of "adult" is just ridiculously tough, and I have no idea how I can even approach it.

Makes perfect sense to me. That's why they're called "neurotypicals" and not "normals"

I feel like people place a completely unreasonable trust in the abstract idea of time. They assume that an hour is the same for everyone. I don't think it is.

I know for a fact I've totally 'missed out" on so many of the "highs" that most people experience. I mean, I get the impression that almost everybody has that amazing first kiss as a teenager........ I never had that. I didn't have one mate before my 20's to even "help me along" in any respect.

It seems some people with AS can make some friend who can at least nudge them in the social direction, when their own intuition and aptitude has no idea where to go and totally fails them. I wish I had had a socially-adept friend who could have perhaps bridged the gap to help me form some normal relationships in my youth. On my own, I was directionless but I just needed someone to lead me on and open some doors for me in social areas (things like critique my fashion sense, butter me up with girls, and introduce me to people)

Later on, when I was in the Army, my "battle buddy" perceived how stunted socially I was (he had no idea about Aspergers.) However, he was a very skilled one socially, very gregarious, and he was the first one to really take some good steps and get me acclimated to other people. Then I began to have my first positive social experiences. He got to know me as a person as a result of being forced in to close-quarters with me, and he realized there was the inner-part of me that was the normal guy just trying to find the "tools" to make it. He knew I knew that there was some inexplicable problem with me keeping me down. I think he could see that I didn't have it on my own to succeed..... (I phoned him 2 years ago after I was diagnosed and told him my problem.)

It would have been great if I had had any help growing up. As I related before, my mother used blunt trauma, just throwing me out into situations trying to jerk me in to being "normal." She thought my Aspergers was just some sort of willful revolt against her, and she made it her Mission from God to socialize me. She was my only other help, ever, for what it was worth.

On my own, I never would have realized when it was the correct "time" to go find a job. In fact, I never once advanced a critical life-development stage, or outgrew some self-help skill without outside prompting. (For example, I'd never realize that the clothes I wore as a 13 year old were no longer appropriate for a 16 year old, until my favorite shirts got way too tight and my parents finally chucked them out. I'd never throw away clothes until they disintegrated to nothing.) i'd never mentally know just by intuition that I was grown enough to go find some real employment. My parents were puzzled that I wasn't tripping over myself to bring home work-permit forms or driving-permit forms when I was 15 and stuff like that. I was in no "hurry" to grow up.

When I was a teenager, I still had mostly a middle-school mentality, being mentally behind in age. This was anathema to my parents who were the type who had VERY high expectations for me. My mother took alot of pride in "competing" with the other moms of my peers with regards to the quality of their children, and social dexterity was the most important facet here. I totally failed her, and she's never let me forget it.

(ok, I know thats a bit long)

I've had the same problem with my mother, who was so proud of me and my maturity and my bright mind (faked mostly) when I was a child, she had high expectations because, who in their right mind could imagine that an advanced child would grow up to become a "ret*d" adult?
I think I've always been and always will be 15 years old as far as "independance" is concerned. I live by myself, have children, and try to pretend I'm a grown up, but I'm as proud of having paid the water bill as I'd have been at 15. I'm like "wow, I paid it on time yay me, I'm so mature for my age!!" except I'm 33.

I don't really worry about milestones all that much. I just concentrate on living my life instead. I've never had a boyfriend and that doesn't matter to me, because I was never all that interested in the opposite sex in relation to the modern world. I didn't have my first taste of the workforce until I was 20. I've just recently moved out on my own, 5 years ago. If my parents were more accepting of my special interests and my quirks, I'd still be living with them and helping them out, but it's not a perfect world. I don't even look or dress like my same sex peers. I look like Mick Avroy did in 1964, almost like an overgrown child with no secondary bodily appearances typical of my real gender and that doesn't bother me because I wanted to look like a man, anyways.

From what I gather reading to, and talking with NT's, most NT's early dating and sexual experiences are underwhelming and ackward. Part of being an NT culture is being able to gloss over these realities to uphold the social ideal, ie, they delude themselves and lie.

I'd love to have Sweetleaf's viewpoint, but I'm still relatively new to coming to grips with Asperger's. It's a healthier viewpoint, though.

Pengu1n, I still think we have some of the same problems. I don't throw out clothes either, and I still wear the clothes I bought in eighth grade (they still fit me). People often think I am 13 or 15, not 21, and I can't help but think that it's partially who I am and not just the way I look.

For what it's worth, I never had any socially competent friends either. The few friends I did have were quiet loners like me. I currently have a small group of acquaintances, but even though we all met on the same day, as usually happens, they are all closer to each other than they are to me. In fact, one of them is very outgoing, and she has actually introduced the others to new people, but she doesn't introduce me for whatever reason (I guess my lack of social skills, but all it does is compound my problems with additional disadvantages).

And right now, my mom is still waiting for me to move out, get a great job, get married, etc. I'm sure I will eventually move out and get a job because I will reach a point where I am no longer even welcomed to live with my mom, but I probably won't marry and I doubt I will be successful on my own the way other people are. I excel in school because I am good at the routine, structure, and low level of independence. I cannot imagine how I would transition out of it, but I know I will be forced to soon.

Pengu1n, I can definitely relate to your post. Most of my friends are NT and I tend to feel very left-behind in comparison to them. I feel bad about not having reached milestones that I don't even want to reach! (For instance, I compare myself to my married friends when I know that I don't want to be married myself.) It does seem like people are intuitively seeking out experiences, and I don't have the same intuition. That's what bothers me more than the specific experiences, I guess. I've never felt like I've naturally transitioned from one stage of life to another. I feel like my life has no coherent narrative.

On the other hand, I have NT friends who have never dated, never had a steady job, don't know how to drive, etc. The range of adult life milestones are too narrow, I'd say.

I remember when I was a little boy, I had a crazy amount of ambition........ I fantasized about being a victorious general, a dominant politician, and other things.

As I got closer to adulthood, it became apparent more and more to me the reality, and how I would never come close to even achieving any of these goals. Actually, all I really wanted was just to be a competent and respectable adult....... I would have settled for just having a good degree, and being able to go and say to people with pride, "This is my occupation, this is my degree," etc.

Its just so EMBARASSING to me how little of substance I have. My biggest dream is and was to just have an impressive resume and credentials. Its like I just wanted to go be able and say, "I got my degree from here, here is my job, and this is a wife I am proud of." It angers me to no end how I can't and don't have any of this.

I don't really understand how other people just do stuff. Its like I go to do things and I just freeze up. Even before I had Aspergers, I would try so hard to go in for job-interviews and that, but I would just blow it every time, and I would NEVER get past square one because i was so hopeless in any social situation or endeavor.

I plan in my head and on posts like this HOW I intend to proceed, but then I go about trying to do it, and I just lock up and become a completely different person (like when I try and approach women) I know its because I overthink........... I think other NT guys are way more carefree and they just go about advancing in life in an almost kind of surreal way with barely even reflecting on it.

*Ahem* sorry but....you've always had Asperger's.....

^ Before I was knew what Aspergers was.......

I always knew there was something truly and terribly wrong with me that went way beyond simple "nerdiness"

btw, I remember i did not fit in with the other "nerds" either when I was in school. I had no interest in Pokemon or video games or the other things they were interested in. I wasn't even accepted in to the nerd circles. (I hate using that word nerd like that, but I knew I was terribly different even from them.)

Most of the "nerds" at my school were in their own clique......... they had a social rapport and social skills with eachother, but I did hardly even approach them or attempt to get in with their circle.