Alone

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Ah love, of the unrequited variety or not??

Well, I've always found it almost impossible to tell if a women likes me. The advice I'd give is not to torture yourself but ask. It's worked for me occasionally in the past. Sounds so simple, yet I know how hard it can be. It is, however, something you have to come to terms with doing. I suppose the letter's another option, but best not get too heavy.

No no no. The note is not how I feel about her but the things I have always wanted to tell somebody. Like the experiences in my life that have and do shape me now.

I just want to make sure I have a very strong friendship before I get into a relationship. The letter isnt how much I love her just if nothing else an explanation of me and a thank you for caring. I know even I would feel strange getting a two page love note from someone in our positions would be. When I wanna go out I will ask her in person. i wanna wait until after her birthday (23rd).

Sorry for the misunderstanding.

Sorry, tear. I think I posted too quickly thinking of my own situations in the past. Since the letter is about your life experiences, she'd probably very much like to hear them. It sounds like you two have a good friendship base and it's really great that you want to share your experiences with her.

Yeah next step is learning more about her. Im so looking forward to this. Probing without going to far.

Well we finally talked about the note I gave her last week. She was very interested. I just told her she could ask me anything and she went through it asking about things she didnt get or for specifics on things I was vague about. We talked for a couple hours. I think this was good but she used the word "interesting" a lot. Well I guess we'll see how things go on from here.

I guess I will use this thread as a sort of journal/progress tracker. It really helps me to write/type my problems and look at them. And maybe looking back would help.

Now Im confused. It feels like I've hit a rock. I have never made it this far in the relationship. The pressure and tension of making sure I want a friendship are over because im am absolutely sure she gets that. It was made clear (I think?) yesterday when she mentioned trying hooking up with some boy. Hearing things like that has always bothered me, though I dont know why since all I thought I really wanted was a friend. I gave her a note saying would like to know more about her since it seemed like we were talking about me a lot lately. She seemed to avoid that topic on the phone. I just dont klnow what to do. Maybe just cruise for a while abd see where it goes?

Here are a couple new quotes that I found interesting:

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out"
-Walter Winchell

"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies."
-Aristotle

"Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen."
-Samuel Paterson

Maybe this is not good advice, but it is yours to take or leave.

If you really have feelings for her, go for it even if this means risking failure.
If you don't, you may end up regretting it for the rest of your life.

Yeah thanks Nocturn. I say that to myself all the time. I had the exact same situation a few years ago. I kept saying Ill do it next week and then she moved away and I regret it all the time.

This time I am going for it though still slowly. The fact I got her number means that I should have a chance for a long time since I can stay in contact. I dont want a fling. Even though Im young I want an actual relationship not a little high school crush. Too much stress there.

Today I gave her a poem I read that was very interesting that Im sure we can all relate to and asked her to call me this weekend. She also said how she doesnt really like the guy and isnt interested anymore. So this may just be her being open about the things in her life with me. Great news and made me realize to not to jump to conclusions.

The poem Please Hear What I am Not Saying

Edit-Sorry for he rant though I dont anyone even reads this post anympore. I just got really frustrated. I dont curse either so looking over this I am kind of suprised wih what I said. Its just I had hoped that while I'm on my spring break something good would happen. Three days left for that to happen and it doesnt look like thats happening.



Well I'm losing hope. Thought maybe she was different but maybe I'm just getting so desperate OIm over looking people's faults. She called Sunday, said she call back monday. It is now an houir and a half away from Friday and no call. I tried calling her yesterday and her brother answered and she wasnt there. So I guess this is my last enry in this makeshift journal.

Im just so incredibly pissed off. Everyday and everyone. My only comfort being that I know that others some here go through this. Though not even that is enough to make me feel better because it doesnt change anything.

Then I see Nt's meet someone and act like they have known each other for years. I've known her for months and I still find it akward to say hi.

You know I dont think I have ever actually had a conversation with someone. The idea of seclusion seems like a better idea everyday. I used to think maybe I was the heartless person who doesnt care about other people. I realize most of my stress comes from pleasing everyone else by acting normal while getting nothing in return. Then while I'm having an anxiety attack from all the stress they are all probably somewhere with their friends having a great time.

My whole f*****g life has been nothing but pleasing everyone else. I remember every mutha f*****g detail of their lives and do my best to make them comfortable. I remeber your favorite position and foods. Then they cant even remember my f*****g name. f*****g BS.

I dont even ask for your f*****g respect. I dont want any pity. I just want some f*****g common courtesy. After three months can you at least remeber the first letter of my name. God damnit.

When they tell me about the most horrible experience in their own lives, their boyfriend of two weeks dumps them I act like I care. I always thougt that they had worse problems but didnt say them like I do. Nope. IM sorry if I dont seem sympathetic but I have bigger problems. I wish I had a girlfriend to break up with.

If only people knew what I go through on day they would be scarred for life.

I have been trying for years to to say hey maybe things will get better. I have to admit that is not going to get better. Maybe not worse but thats not saying much. Each time a friend was taken away it became hareder and harder. Now I have no one. I cant think of one person. When I thought I was losing my friend afew weeks ago I thought no matter what I still have my sister. Now she is moving away soon.

What did I do to deserve this. I cry myself to sleep every other night. Wake up alone looking forward to the day. Then fight tears again as I realize today is no different than yesterday. Im not asking to win the lottery or even for my true love. Just a friend. I would settle for a hug which I havent had since I was a baby.


I bust my ass everyday to understand you.I work hard and am paying for it. My body is literally falling apart. My mind is failing. I could die of old age at the age of thirty and I'm only sixteen now. I might as well be sixty. I probably have experienced more stress than you average sixty year old. I have all the scars of a long hard life.

f**k you. you dont care about me and I don't care about you. Game over. They won and I lost. Unlike them I can admit defeat. I'm tired of fighting them. They have prevailed for as long as there has been humans. I lose. Better to be beaten and have lost than dead though so....