Dealing with Rejection

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My situation is an odd one. I am 38 and have as close to zero experience with women as any man my age possibly could (a few hugs, a few non-romantic kisses and less than 5 dates my whole life). Because of this I am totally blind in this area. I can't tell the difference between someone being interested in me and disliking me. So, when a co-worker told me someone seemed to be interested in me (that I also liked) I had a mixture of emotions. First off, she is half my age and so it would likely never work. However, that did not stop me from forming a strong emotional attachment to her despite logic dictating otherwise. Now it would seem that the person who enlightened me to the attraction is now going to be dating her and I am absolutely devastated! I feel betrayed and heartbroken despite little more than words ever being exchanged between us, and none of them being flirtatious. Worse still, I work 6 days a week and will have to see the situation every time I go to work. It's causing me to get near an emotional breakdown where all I want to do is run from the place and never come back. What do I do? How do I avoid letting every little thing like this totally break my overly-sensitive heart? How does someone like me even begin to meet someone who would be understanding enough to deal with my cluelessness and complete lack of experience?

A lot of folks seem to be having success with online dating. You never know.

I've went on a ton of dates and I still have no clue.


Literally no clue. Everyone I meet is different from the last even if one thing of the present person reminds me of the last person. Because everyone is different, that means there might be someone you encounter that will like you. Who knows what age. Who knows who. It's always a possibility, though the anticipation sucks.

Yeah, part of me wants love desperately but part of me wants to completely disconnect from the world and collapse into my inner world. I have to wonder if NTs experience the level of pain I do when they receive a mild rejection. I think they don't because if they did, no one would ever procreate and the human race would have long ago ceased to exist.

What does this mean, part of you wants love desperately? Do you want someone saying "I love you"? Or someone to get married to? A sexual relationship and/or establish a family? Someone with similar interests, a person who shares your values or a contrast to your own personality? Romance or a more sensible partnership like being best friends?

It's not my intention to provoke anyone, but i can't understand what it means when people want love or are talking about love in the human sense, that is, not the love for nature, animals, books, computers.

If love between humans is such a good and desirable thing, why then does it cause so many problems like divorces and people feeling heartbroken?

I'm not looking for someone, but if i would, my approach would be to first figure out what i'm actually looking for.

I understand the confusion my post may have caused. I do want specific things from a relationship, but the one I want most is a connection with another person. I have my list of logical criteria (Christian, not promiscuous, patient, kind, at least somewhat physically attractive, loves children, similar interests and politics, etc.) but what I am most concerned about is dying alone and never having known what it was like to be loved in a romantic sense. At 38 and never been kissed, it seems like I am standing at the precipice and looking down into the dark void of old age and death alone. So, yes. I want to find a marital partner who will say "I love you" and actually mean it.

I also scored normal on emotional intelligence but AS on empathy, so my experience may well be different from yours. I may be in a far more frustrating place than some because I might be between worlds and not firmly AS or NT. So I have all of the emotional experience with little of the ability to connect. Then again, if I ever get formally diagnosed it may well come out that I am just ADHD and not ASD.