What were you like as a little girl?

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I have been watching some old holiday videos, and I seem so strange when I was around 3yo or so. Ridiculously quiet, barely responded to people's questions, my face was very expressionless, I moved kind of awkwardly and uncoordinated and VERY cautiously. I would play by myself a lot, sing/make silly noises, and it looked like I got upset VERY easily and was often running off upset to Mum.
As I grew older I appear to always be grouchy and rarely ever smiled.
I think sensory stuff used to get to me a bit too, like when Mum would brush my hair I would make such a fuss that the rest of my family had to leave us to it, and I always preferred to be in the car on our family holidays after a short break outside, coz it was so much quieter/warmer/safer. I am already winging at the age of 3 that I want to get back in the car already!

I was wondering what you guys were like? Is interesting watching videos because you can watch yourself as an outside observer rather than just remember memories...

I'd be interested to see a film of me, but video cameras weren't invented when I was small! I often wonder how I appeared to other people; on the inside, I felt strange and out of place the entire time I was out of the house.

(In the house I was with my Mum, whom I adored and who almost certainly has AS as well. The way we were together – no pressure to make meaningless conversation, we could spend companionable hours together with barely a word passing between us – made me feel comfortable and happy.)

I was a very naughty little girl! I was also a little bit expressionless and did not join in with activities with other children. If my Mum wasn't physically holding on to me I would just make a run for it. Throughout my childhood I had no ability to read people's facial expressions, which meant I didn't realise when people were becoming angry or upset with me. As a slightly older child (5-15 years) I ruined every single family holiday, outing, birthday or Christmas - usually because I couldn't cope with the change of routine and had a meltdown.

<--- Never been a little girl.

When I was 12, I went to my first and only sleepover. It went pretty well, and I was pretty happy. But the next week at school, the girl brought the pictures and handed them out to us. In mine, everyone was smiling and had their arms around each other, but I was staring off into space with a blank look on my face. She asked me what was wrong, why I was sad, and if I wasn't having a good time. I was pretty embarrassed at having been caught on camera not putting on a smile like my mom insisted I learn to do (I was undiagnosed, and just "weird" at the time). I couldn't tell her I was contemplating the exact color combination needed to make the precise color blue of the icing on the cake so I just told her I was tired. She never invited me over anymore.

I never shut up. I was CONSTANTLY talking about whatever it was I was interested in. That started from the moment I learned how to speak to about age 5 or 6. After that I learned not to talk unless spoken to, but when I did speak it was always about myself and my interests. I was really smart and had a pretty flat tone back then so when I was 8 or so the other kids nicknamed me the "30 year old".

I was extremely solitary as a child, from about the age of 3 and after, I often wondered off, sometimes for days (when I was older it was weeks) at a time when I wasn't staying in the city. I didn't show any facial expression unless I was around someone I trusted - and those were few and far between. I was extremely hyeractive also and had very little attention span unless it was something I was interested in.

I distinctly remember someone I had only just met when I was 3 trying to help me with something and touching me in the process, and my first respond was "Don't touch me!" complete with a deathstare worthy of an award.

Around strangers you wouldn't usually get words out of me, I would find a place away from them to escape to. The times I did speak to strangers it wasonly a few words. If people tried to stop me from escaping I would react aggressively.

quiet, i didnt use facial expressions, i used to read a lot. i got told i looked depressed a lot and when people asked questions i'd nod or shake my head instead of using words. i hung out with the kids on the playground but when new people entered the group i would end up being displaced and would hang on my own. i was really bad at sports and i would always be picked last for teams. the teachers would always comment on my personality to my parents so i'd be in trouble after every pt meeting and i'd never get why. i liked the same things i do now- gardening and plants. i'd always be up a tree or in the park or backyard planting stuff. and i was more bold and aggressive than i am now.

I was hyperactive; I couldn't sit or stand still for a long time, or even sleep enough. Apparently, I was loud at times too.
I've seen photographs of me smiling as a little girl, but I think some of those smiles were forced, since people expect others to smile when photographed. Otherwise, I was pretty much expressionless and enjoyed solitude.

But I was mostly a big troublemaker. We've an old VCR video of me, and it included that time when I was learning to ride, got upset by it, and then kicked my brother's leg in anger.
I've also delivered a fair share of punches/kicks to innocent bystanders, who suffered my wrath because I couldn't control myself. The trigger would usually be when people I tried to communicate with couldn't understand me.

I'm much calmer as an adult, and I try to control my anger. It isn't easy, but since we live in a world where one feels like an alien, one feels forced to.

-I was always very shy
-I had a good imagination
-I liked playing by myself or with close friends
-I had a hard time showing my emotions around strangers
-I couldn't tie my shoe laces until I was 16ish
-I had low self-esteem
-my mum was always after me to brush my hair, wash myself and brush my teeth properly
-I was overly sensitive
-I thrived on routine and structure
-I had weird habits and stims
-I hardly ate anything
-I had good endurance
-I was attached to my mum
-always very anxious
-when I was little I was more mature than other children my age....not so much now
-I had fine motor skill problems
-I had a few speech problems
-I was very good at reading and spelling
-I was very nice and helpful to other people and I was a door mat, I didn't ever say no to people

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... &jid=16381

all my smiles were(and are) forced in photographs. some of them are pretend smiles that i put on because i'm expected to and some of them are me puposefully screwing up the photo to spite people forcing me to look happy. especially if they knew i wasnt pleased. i was a cheeky little kid.

I was a typical little girl, really. There were a few unusual things I done, like having tantrums when there were too many other children at my house, but that might have been because I had AS and found it hard to handle lots of children, and my friend had ADHD who didn't have the same social awkwardness as me but had it in different ways and so also couldn't handle lots of children (but never had tantrums, just made things awkward all the time), and so I guess we kind of clashed, causing agro among the other kids - who were, by then, fed up.

When I was a little girl I was a lot more "girly". I had had long hair and wore dresses. I once even went through a stage where ALL I wanted to wear were dresses. However I liked some so-called "boy" stuff, like playing with action figures and bugs and going to the nearby pond to hunt for frogs. I was not quiet or shy at all, the polar opposite of my older brother. When our parents took us to the campgrounds in the summer I'd be wandering all over the place, talking to the other campers while my brother would just stay put. it's a wonder I didn't get kidnapped and killed as a child due to my nonexistent fear of strangers, but I think things were a lot safer a million years ago in the 1980's. I loved to draw cartoons and read and was very good at it for my age. But although I was usually happy as a kid, I did have some unusual fears and anxieties. Unlike every other person with Asperger's I was really bad at math and in Grade 3 I would cry almost every day when I couldn't figure out the more complex problems like fractions and long division. I used to have some weird phobias, such as using public toilets, not because of germs or anything, I was just really scared of them. I had no problem using the bathroom at home or at school. I used to have nightmares about being flushed away even though I knew that was impossible. I also couldn't stand the sight of dead bugs. I liked them when they were alive, I would only freak when they were dead and lying on their backs with their legs folded up. I seemed to have some strange connection with bugs, maybe I was one in a past life. I remember having to go to outhouses at one campground, which sent both fears up so badly I'd be screaming and freaking out and not wanting to shut the door even though I'd be half-naked. I also had this unnatural attachment to a pink bunny costume my mom made for me one year at Halloween. I'd wear it and hop around-outdoors-pretending to be a rabbit, and wore it so much it got ripped up and fell apart. It was like a blankie, perhaps? But as a kid I was happy because I was allowed to be who I was. When I became a teen that all changed and my Asperger-like traits really surfaced, although I wouldn't be diagnosed with it until my late 20's. I couldn't relate to other kids, I was described as being confused, withdrawn and disoriented, my grades started plummeting, I was bullied a lot because of my unusual interest in cartoons, particularly Garfield comics. Boys would constantly scream out "Garfield's DEAD!! !" everywhere I went. I had symptoms that resembled OCD and even schizophrenia and was put on pills that increased my anxiety even more and even though I didn't eat a lot during the day because my throat would snap shut whenever I tried to swallow, I gained and gained until I was the size of a baby elephant. This sure didn't help anything. I would say things that would unintentionally humiliate my parents and my mother would lecture me for what seemed like hours and I would collect and role-play with stuffed animals even though my mom thought I was too old for them. But in spite of all my problems as a teen I was not looking forward to adulthood... anyway I doubt anyone will read this because it's so long, but I have so many feelings I just can't keep contained.

I liked being by myself a lot but also got rather lonely watching other kids play together. I never could get anybody to pretend with me. All they wanted to do was play kickball and ride bikes, and I hated doing things like that. My mother would always put me in slips and dresses but I didn't understand why the slips were pretty and lacy and the dresses were so plain. I usually took off the dress and played in the slip. Our neighbor was a ballet dancer and she gave me a couple of old costumes, and I almost never took them off. I wore one to school once and all the other kids laughed at me, so I never did that again. I always wanted to wear costumes instead of clothes, and lived in pretend-land. I played dress-up regularly until I was 16, and I still do every once in a while when I have some privacy.

And due to sensory issues, I never washed or brushed my teeth. Toothpaste burned my tongue and water tickled unbearably, so I was pretty smelly for most of my youth.

I was the angst ridden girl in the back of the room writing poetry about world destruction. I did get published a couple times though, so everyone let me be. I was always ahead academically, but never figured out how to connect with other people. The friends I had just kind of adopted me.