oh hey, there's a whole lgbt forum!
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Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2
Deinonychus
Joined: 14 Aug 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 300
Location: Little Rock, AR
30 Aug 2012, 2:12 pm
I posted this over in Love and Dating and just found out there was a whole forum for it, so I'll move this over here.
Quote:
hey there, I'm just curious if there are any other gay aspies out there (well, I know there are, haha, what's up?) and to hear a bit about their experience.
I'm 24 and I've never had a boyfriend. I can't seem to get past 3 dates. I have pretty decent communication skills and I am totally comfortable talking with women so long as they know I'm gay, since this seems to result in a sort of neutral no-tension space and honestly the gay confidant role is so stereotyped that it's fairly easy for me to deal with. I honestly have no idea if I'm good or bad at reading people's emotions, but I'm pretty good at listening to them when people tell me outright, which is what most of my friends (almost all of them women) do, just tell me all their stuff. that's fine, I'm comfortable with it, and better talking about really heavy emotional stuff than casual chit chat anyway. I may be awkward, but when someone tells me "I feel X because of Y" it's usually not hard to figure out what to say, and it turns out people really appreciate it if you can sit through a story about a bad break up or a traumatic experience and don't mind if you're awkward otherwise. it's a bit ridiculous but I'm several orders of magnitude more comfortable talking to someone about surviving rape, going blind, or losing a loved one than I am saying hello in a bar or what have you.
put me in a room with straight men without a woman I know fairly well there to help me, though, and I become really awkward, really fast. I'm not always scared of straight men, though I often am, and I really suck at things like sports and understanding what is and isn't appropriate as far as the weird I'm-mean-to-you-because-we're-friends joking system that seems endemic, and yeah.
I guess I'm lucky because gay guys use the internet so much for meeting each other anyway. it's fairly routine and easy to interact when it's just indicating that I'm available and waiting to be contacted, then getting an overt list of things the other guy like sexually and doing them together. easy. though not really that fulfilling.
as far as relationships go, I'm evidently clueless. I'm not hot but I do ok, there are attractive guys who have been into me on a semi-regular basis, but I've fallen into these patterns that don't get me anywhere.
I learned all most of my basic social skills starting in 7th grade when I developed a horrible crush on a new guy at school who was in 7 of my 8 classes. I imitated his hair, his clothes, and the way he talked to people. he was straight and after 6 months or so I told him I was gay and in love with him. he already knew and didn't particularly care one way or the other. so in the middle of my learning-to-be-social period, I established very, very damn firmly that anything beyond friendship was going to have to be initiated by someone else, because me doing it would potentially ruin what friendship I did have. being that close to someone I adored but who didn't want me back was the most painful thing I've ever experienced, and I guess the second thing I took away from that relationship was that it was horribly, horribly wrong to let someone hope you might eventually feel the same way about them that they did about you.
it's been almost 10 years since all that ended but I've still been stuck in this loop where I don't know how to initiate anything that doesn't involve internet profiles and casual sex, and I'm petrified of responding to anyone who seems to be more into me than I am into them, which pretty much means no matter how often someone else takes the lead, I don't respond or I panic and hide or whatever. in the last year I've had more success than ever before and I'm still not getting past the stupid 3 date limit. I've slept with the same guy I think at most, 5 or 6 times, but usually at most once. once or twice I've actually had someone I was really attracted to from online take some initiative and want to meet each other for something that wasn't just sex, but because I have almost no practice in those situations I've tended to give some excuse not to meet them.
that was kind of long and rambling, but I guess that's my introduction...haha
I'm 24 and I've never had a boyfriend. I can't seem to get past 3 dates. I have pretty decent communication skills and I am totally comfortable talking with women so long as they know I'm gay, since this seems to result in a sort of neutral no-tension space and honestly the gay confidant role is so stereotyped that it's fairly easy for me to deal with. I honestly have no idea if I'm good or bad at reading people's emotions, but I'm pretty good at listening to them when people tell me outright, which is what most of my friends (almost all of them women) do, just tell me all their stuff. that's fine, I'm comfortable with it, and better talking about really heavy emotional stuff than casual chit chat anyway. I may be awkward, but when someone tells me "I feel X because of Y" it's usually not hard to figure out what to say, and it turns out people really appreciate it if you can sit through a story about a bad break up or a traumatic experience and don't mind if you're awkward otherwise. it's a bit ridiculous but I'm several orders of magnitude more comfortable talking to someone about surviving rape, going blind, or losing a loved one than I am saying hello in a bar or what have you.
put me in a room with straight men without a woman I know fairly well there to help me, though, and I become really awkward, really fast. I'm not always scared of straight men, though I often am, and I really suck at things like sports and understanding what is and isn't appropriate as far as the weird I'm-mean-to-you-because-we're-friends joking system that seems endemic, and yeah.
I guess I'm lucky because gay guys use the internet so much for meeting each other anyway. it's fairly routine and easy to interact when it's just indicating that I'm available and waiting to be contacted, then getting an overt list of things the other guy like sexually and doing them together. easy. though not really that fulfilling.
as far as relationships go, I'm evidently clueless. I'm not hot but I do ok, there are attractive guys who have been into me on a semi-regular basis, but I've fallen into these patterns that don't get me anywhere.
I learned all most of my basic social skills starting in 7th grade when I developed a horrible crush on a new guy at school who was in 7 of my 8 classes. I imitated his hair, his clothes, and the way he talked to people. he was straight and after 6 months or so I told him I was gay and in love with him. he already knew and didn't particularly care one way or the other. so in the middle of my learning-to-be-social period, I established very, very damn firmly that anything beyond friendship was going to have to be initiated by someone else, because me doing it would potentially ruin what friendship I did have. being that close to someone I adored but who didn't want me back was the most painful thing I've ever experienced, and I guess the second thing I took away from that relationship was that it was horribly, horribly wrong to let someone hope you might eventually feel the same way about them that they did about you.
it's been almost 10 years since all that ended but I've still been stuck in this loop where I don't know how to initiate anything that doesn't involve internet profiles and casual sex, and I'm petrified of responding to anyone who seems to be more into me than I am into them, which pretty much means no matter how often someone else takes the lead, I don't respond or I panic and hide or whatever. in the last year I've had more success than ever before and I'm still not getting past the stupid 3 date limit. I've slept with the same guy I think at most, 5 or 6 times, but usually at most once. once or twice I've actually had someone I was really attracted to from online take some initiative and want to meet each other for something that wasn't just sex, but because I have almost no practice in those situations I've tended to give some excuse not to meet them.
that was kind of long and rambling, but I guess that's my introduction...haha
lotuspuppy
Veteran
Joined: 14 Jan 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 995
Location: On a journey to the center of the mind
Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2
Deinonychus
Joined: 14 Aug 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 300
Location: Little Rock, AR
30 Aug 2012, 5:35 pm
visagrunt wrote:
Nice handle. I'm not a geologist, but I'm enough of a nerd to get the joke!
haha thanks. I'm a geology minor (computer science major), and something of a Sinophile and a Buddhist, so the formula for the variety of Jade prized in ancient China seemed like an appropriate moniker. my last email address was kind of emo and getting to be awkward for professional/academic stuff, so I adopted this one for all my online handles.
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