The past few years I've been taking antidepressants after being diagnosed with major depressive disorder at a point where I was feeling really awful and ended up going through emergency treatment services at the county mental health office. However I'm finding them to not be as helpful as they don't fully do their job. Don't get me wrong, they definitely do make a difference, but I still deal with issues of lack of concentration and focus, stress and anxiety, and days where I just feel like crap and the smallest things irritate me. I still also have problems enjoying things I previously found entertaining, I used to play a lot of video games and now rarely do, and when I do, rarely finish them. Instead I get fixated on things, such as rewatching/listening to the same YouTube videos over and over(Lately this has been the trailer for Wreck-It Ralph, and the song Gangnam Style).
When I was 5 I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder(Back when ADD and ADHD were separate diagnoses, so it would probably be labeled ADHD-Primarily Inattentive now) but don't have access to my old medical records, and currently am not taking anything for it. I am currently taking Wellbutrin for the depression though, which I have read is sometimes used for ADD but its not the primary use of the drug.
I am community college student, and have trouble balancing a full class load that most people seem to be able to handle. I have problems starting and finishing projects, particularly when I have multiple due on the same day I don't know which to start first. I am a chronic procrastinator. Last weekend I was trying to do assignments for two different classes and was struggling with what to start with and how and was just having one of those bad days, eventually I was at Taco Bell getting something to eat, still in a bad mood, and was getting unreasonably frustrated with my burrito leaking and making a mess and felt like I was on the verge of having a meltdown over a messy burrito until I managed to calm myself down realizing how stupid the whole thing was, but the fact that I got to that point still confuses me.
However over Summer Semester I took a single class at an accelerated pace(Summer sessions are around 6 weeks as opposed to 16 weeks for Fall semester here) and had zero problems since I only had one class, knew exactly what I needed to be do and when it was due, typically only having one assignment at a time.
Though only having one assignment isn't always helpful when the deadline is too short. I once dropped an English class after being told to write an essay in class on the first day. We had to read and annotate an essay and write a response within 45 minutes, my anxiety kicked in and I couldn't focus on the essay. I didn't have a very strong opinion on the subject, didn't know what to write, kept staring off out the window or looking at the clock. As the time got closer to the end of class it got worse as I kept thinking 'I only have X time left' and had nothing written yet.
Right now the doctor I see regarding the depression doesn't seem to listen(Or maybe that just my perception of it?) and its mostly just showing up to get my prescription refilled, only time its changed is when I complained about side effects on some of the previous medicine I took. This is just through a county mental health clinic. Is there a good way to broach the subject of getting a full psychological test(or whatever terminology for this I should use) and getting medication/counseling for my issues, or should I attempt to find a new doctor to do this with? I just feel like I need my issues clearly identified and get treated for them so I can get my life moving forward.
20 Sep 2012, 4:02 am
