Alzheimer's and wanting to ''go home''

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I have two elderly relatives that have Alzheimer's, one on my mum's side and one on my dad's side. The one on my dad's side is becoming very hard work. He has lived in his house with his wife for about 50 years, and have raised children there and also grandchildren have come to stay over the years. Now he has Alzheimer's, he is now forgetting who we all are, and he's has these episodes, usually once a day, where he wants to ''go home'', although he is already at home what has been his home for 50 years. The social workers won't put him into a home because he has got a wife there to look after him, but they said that if he hits her, or gets out and wanders, then he will have to be put on a home.

The point is, we're all trying to imagine how it must feel for him. Imagine somebody wanting to get his shoes on to go home, when he is already at home. We don't know where he'd go if he did manage to go out and find ''home'', because it doesn't exist.

I try to imagine how he is feeling by imagining that I was kidnapped and was put in some sort of house, far away and isolated from everywhere. I'd probably be all panicky and getting my shoes on and wanting to go home too, and I'd be thinking of my real home and thinking ''I want to go there - let me out! I want to go home!'' So that's probably exactly how he feels, only it is obviously more difficult because he is already in his own home and it is quite complicated to try to imagine where his ''home'' exactly is, being so he doesn't remember where he used to live over 50 years ago.

I'm just saying, does anyone else here know anyone with Alzheimer's, and have you ever met someone with Alzheimer's who wants to ''go home''? I find it interesting when I think of the psychological side to it, although it is also quite scary.

They do tend to wander... My grandmothers both had/have Altzeimer's. One of my grandmothers would wander in her group home once in a while. Maybe he forgets that he had lived there for 50 years It's very sad.

The wanting "to go home" thing seems to a very fundamental part of Alzheimer's and dementia. It is very sad.

As Alzheimer's progresses the period people remember tends to go further and further back. It is possible that your relative has regressed to a point over 50 years ago, before he was married. On a trip to the beach with my granny (when she was in a care home, but still able to be taken out on trips) she saw two young children playing on the beach. She turned to my mum and commented (using their names) that my mum and her cousin were playing on the beach. The age difference between the children and my mother was about 50 years.

In some respects it may make it (slightly) easier if he does have to go into a care home as he did not recognise his (own) home.

One of the most disturbing parts about the memory regressing is when they forget that people have died. In the early stages of her Altzheimer's my granny made regular visits to the house her father used to live in, a journey of about 1.5 miles. She often made the journey inappropriately dressed, very early in the morning and was quite alarming for the people who lived in the house.

Some practical advice I've heard from other caregivers of people with dementia, regarding wandering:

Firstly, give the local police information - his picture, his name, his address, and that he has dementia and tends to wander. That way, if he gets out and the police find him, they'll know what the situation is (ie, that he's not on drugs or something) and where he lives.

Secondly, get him a medic alert bracelet or necklace or whatever, that indicates his name, where he lives and that he has dementia and wanders. That way, if someone other than the police finds him, they can bring him home.

Thirdly, get him a GPS chip, and attach it to his clothes (maybe to the medic alert bracelet). Then you can track him down by the GPS signal if he's lost.

I wonder if you or someone could tell him "we are spending the night" or "it's a sleepover" when he wants to go home. Maybe show him his bed and ask if there is anything that would make him more comfortable.