Protect ourselves to death?
Looking back on my life so far I see that I've spent the vast majority of it protecting myself from harm or even potential harm. This is while I'm also being self critical and being unable to tone down my harsh self criticism and negative thought processes lol. I dont take criticism well neither do I take praise well. If im criticised by someone else its rare that I have not already thought of that criticism before you and self applied it. So therefore you are only reaffirming my own self criticism. Sometimes I also have a self criticism that is a kind of 'floating' self criticism i.e. 'maybe its because........' If Im criticised about this it only confirms it, which is of course depressing. If Im praised, that praise seems to be unable to penetrate through my dark shell defences and I cant factor the praise in with my negative thought processes. I am now at the stage where I know these walls of protection are not only bad for me but are also largely unnecessary. Mentally, life is a constant come-down as I always assume that others think on the same level of complexity as me. This is hardly EVER the the case. Now the challenge is identifying which parts of these dark walls are unnecessary and attempting to dismantle them with as little pain as possible.
emimeni
Veteran
Joined: 28 Sep 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,065
Location: In my bed, on my laptop
I have realized that my lifestyle is built around soothing myself. I can now take praise okay. That's been somewhat of a struggle in the past. Criticism still stings, because I don't like having people upset at me.
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Living with one neurodevelopmental disability which has earned me a few diagnosis'
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