Being alone in a crowd

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I was at a music festival last week with a friend. There were tens of thousands of people there. My friend had to be somewhere else for about 3 hours, so I stayed by myself at this music festival for about 3 hours. It was horrible. I tried to concentrate on the bands playing but I just got really down by the people around me. I was getting really depressed & anxious.

Who else gets like this when they're by themselves in a large crowd of people? And how do you deal with it?

I am a little nervous myself in that situation.

Last edited by larsenjw92286 on 19 Mar 2005, 8:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I get the same kind of feelings whenever I'm alone (which is 99.99999% of the time) amongst crowds of other people. All I do is just look downwards, avoiding looking at anybody else wherever possible and just basically try to ignore everybody...... Works quite well for me.

I get that way, but have little to offer in the way of a solution. If I have the ability to leave such a situation, I will. I used to attend concerts when I was younger, but rarely would I enjoy myself. The loud music and intoxicated people made my head spin.

Back in 1997 I went to the Burning Man festival with a friend. Originally, the plan involved a group of six people. Everyone backed out except my friend and I. He knew a great many people there, but I knew no one. I was miserable for the whole week and spent quite a bit of time in the tent sleeping. It would have been a great time had I someone to share it with. My friend was off dancing for ten hours at a time and when he wasn’t dancing, he was passed out. During the days I would wander far away on the playa, away from everyone.

While I would never voluntarily attend a music festival alone, I have gone to sporting events alone. I’ve been to a few hockey games solo and had a great time.

Beeing in a crowd has gotten alot worse lately. I can't even take the bus alone, or walk through town on my own. All the people stress me out, so much.
I havent really been to any big concerts/festivals, but I was supposed to go to the Quart festival one summer, I had ordered the tickets and everything, but then I realised I would have to go all alone, and ended up not going.
I try to avoid large crowds if I can, but if I am in a situation with alot of people I guess I end up crying or something, if theres no way out

I guess some people do not put their minds to finding a solution to that problem.

I remember the first time I felt alone in a crowd. I was living in Durham New Hampshire and the whole village was at the UNH football field for the Independence Day Celebration. Since it was outside, I did not feel overwhelmed but I did feel as if I was an outsider researching the human race if you will.

If the crowd is indoors though, I do get overwhelmed. Recently, I went to an event at one of the schools I serve with my bus. As soon as I got into the auditorium where it was standing room only and extremely crowded, my brain could only tell my body one thing and that was "GET OUT". I did leave after about 5 minutes. I did catch the 2nd half though as it was less crowded and I did get a seat (helps with personal space). That was the better half anyways in my opinion.

I hate crowds and tend to avoid them as much as possible.

If I really can't, I do something to calm me down when I get back (programming or something logical).

I don't like being alone in crowds. Too many people moving around and too much noise to make me feel comfortable. If I get a chance to join into a conversation someplace, I tend to get really nervous, especially if these are people I've never met before, and then I start stimming really bad which dosen't make me look good.

That's exactly how I felt when I was at an 80's night at a local club that my friends dragged me to. I was miserable, mostly because I felt real self conscious about the way I danced (any ammount of raver style really gets a lot of condescending looks, even if you aren't doing liquid or anything), I really wasn't feeling the music, and I ended up just sitting in the corner so irritable that I was almost panicking to leave - my friends decided on staying till the bouncers kicked everyone out.

I guess I've learned my lesson though, if I'm gonna go out to a club, bar, or any event, it has to be one where I'll be in my element with my element - otherwise there's a real good chance I'll only end up torturing myself with it.

Here's another thing, when I sat there grinding my teeth at that 80's night I had a philosophical revelation about what was so wrong with me, why I was hating it, and why there was this magic disconnect. Its like everyone else was pulled into the people arround them, pulled into this maze of agendas and social contacts - I was just seeing a static picture of people walking arround, dancing, or BS'ing between 4 walls, a ceiling, and a floor of a room. For me, it seemed like all my focus was on the overview of where I was and what was going on (I didn't know anyone and with AS, you really feel like you could get your feeligns hurt if you try to butt in).

To me, it sounds like that's been one of my biggest AS struggles for a long time, even partying with friends and especially at work - interpersonal hypofocus. WHen does it let up? The only times I've actually felt like I had tapped into that network were the same times where I dropped mushrooms or ate sugar cubes. Maybe this something that Aderal could help, I need to think about it though cause it really makes me a big-time dead beat; enough to where I really couldn't blame a woman for not wanting to be with me.

ADD style drugs never did much for me to open up the social flood gates. If anything, they amplified my apsie tendancies.

However you've managed to get farther than I ever have, I would be hardpressed to even deal the sights and sounds of a club enviroment.

And BTW... What were those sugar cubes laced with??

Mescaline. Almost anytime you hear someone talking about sugar cubes, that's supposedly what it is (it'll smell minty as well, the stuff is usually disguised as breath spray and the added mint flavor chemicals don't degrade its integrity).

Not that Ive done that stuff in a long time, just that I had some good times back when I did.

As for handling clubs though, I don't have a sensitivity to sound unless I just can't stand the music at which point I'm only about as ill-effected as most people would be in that situation. Dark jungle, acid techno, gangster rap, industrial/grunge - all about it; 80's, pop, or country - gagg.

That's the one thing that bugs my bf more than anything else. He'll go to great lengths to get me to go to a bar or a party and then gets upset when I want to leave early. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does I get pretty stubborn about not wanting to be there and it really drags his mood down.

I guess I'm the only one... I quite enjoy that feeling. Social proximity without any of the headache that actually comes with social interaction. Turning invisible and letting people's conversations flow past around me, while I focus on enjoying what the event/concert/movie is actually about... I find it a great cure for loneliness/sadness. Always figured it was cause the human body was wired with a biological desire for other people, even if it doesn't always come equipped with the tools to get it, and even if the mind insists the opposite.

Its like that when i hop on the public bus, couples making out everwhere, i am the only single