why some men seem more successful with women

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but exactly, Boo.... i didn't call you a sexist jerk, i didn't accuse you of being a sexist jerk, and i didn't imply it either. no matter how you word it, it simply didn't happen. i am going to drop it as the thread is derailing. anyway, the thread is here, so people can see for themselves:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5219701.html#5219701

yes, there are definitely people like that, that avoid rejection. maybe they got rejected once when they were 14 and they never tried again. they just assumed that they would be rejected again and didn't bother to try.

on the board i see both attitudes - the avoidance of rejection and the expectation of rejection. and i would agree that they need completely different strategies. i don't think there are necessarily more of the type that are avoidant though. it's hard to say without blue_bean's data, or from asking them how many dates they have attempted. it's definitely problematic though.

i wonder what makes a person more able to handle rejection in the first place? i don't think that is something that is easy to change.

On the occasions when I've tried to give specific advice to guys who are having trouble meeting women, I pretty much always ask them how often they approach women. And it pretty much always seems to me like they try far less often than the average guy.

But it could be that I subconsciously choose to engage in conversation mostly those guys whose issues remind me of my own. And it's a small sample size either way, which is why I keep saying things like "in my experience" or "from what I've seen."



For me, it was finding something I was even more afraid of than being rejected (letting my friends see my fear, as I mentioned on the first page), which allowed me to face (a lot of) rejection and grow more accustomed to it. That combined with seeing firsthand that even the most successful guys get rejected more often than not. If the better looking more socially skilled guys who I envied so much were being rejected most of the time, then I needn't feel any shame when the same happened to me.

But you're right. It was definitely not easy to change my earlier mindset. It took time, and effort, and willingness to endure (over and over again) the sh***y feelings that came with rejection. And, in the process, I put myself in a lot of negative situations. Did things I very much regret.

I have immense sympathy for people who feel the way I used to. It's an awful way to live. And I don't mean to imply that overcoming it is an easy or quick process, only that it is worth the effort.

Last edited by mds_02 on 22 Feb 2013, 8:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

Self-esteem I guess; and that one isn't easy to change either.

There's also the level of the asker's stupi.... I mean attachment.