No one thinks I'm autistic but me ...
I'm starting to think I'm wrong about being an Aspie. Had an appointment today with a consultant psychiatrist and asked to be referred for assessment. He said there wasn't enough evidence to suggest that I might be on the spectrum and that he would need evidence before his referral would be accepted by the assessors. He said I didn't look / seem autistic.
I started masking and mimicking when I realised I wasn't like most of the people around me. I responded to feedback by making eye contact, asking people how they are, not being so blunt ... and anything else I could think of doing to fake normalcy. Maybe if there were autistic traits I've just learnt to cover them up.
There were some things I couldn't mask like not being able to maintain relationships, severe sensitivity to noise, being a loner, having few interests, not being able to work in a team - but, the shrink thinks these things and all others I mentioned can be explained by early childhood something - can't remember what he said either experiences or influences .. and that I was afraid of getting close to people and backed away if that was a possibility which was not an autistic trait? I'm 70% convinced he's right.
Basically he will look for evidence but doesn't think there will be enough to request a referral.
Would be interested in anyone's opinion .. maybe I've taken things as far as they can go and it's time to stop searching for an ASD or other answer ..? I'm 45 now. Just say anything at all please as long as it's an answer .. feeling a bit lost and alone!
Moomingirl
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Hi Gratin,
you sound like me. I flew far enough under the radar that I managed to not get diagnosed for years (I got a heap of other diagnoses, but that's another story). It was only when I read up on Aspergers myself and recognized the traits that it all started to make sense. I was officially diagnosed a few months ago.
There are some really good articles about Aspergers in women, and how sometimes it is hard to diagnose. Often we come off as 'different', but it is not so obviously autistic as it can be in guys. Sometimes our 'special interests' are more mainstream, so don't raise alarm bells, and sometimes, as in your case, we manage to compensate well for deficits.
I spent years as a kid watching what other people were doing, how they acted and interacted, and read books on human behaviour and body language. Looking back now I think I was compensating for a deficit that I was aware was there - I wouldn't go so far as to say that it was an area that interested me, but it did sort of become an obsession.
The way I look at it is that, although you may have found a coping mechanism, the fact that you are "faking normal" says to me that it is something you have learned to do, and not something that comes naturally. Just because you have found a way to work around an issue does not mean that it is not there.
Does your psychiatrist have much experience with Aspergers, especially in women? There is a great table of symptoms that I have seen around somewhere (maybe in the women's forum). I is really late here but I will try to track it down for you tomorrow, maybe you can take that in to your psychiatrist with the things that are applicable to you highlighted, to help you explain things to him.
I know how you feel about being lost, if you really think you may have Aspergers then it can be a relief to finally get an answer. A lot of people here are very happy with self diagnosis, and certainly in more mature people, who have had a lifetimes experience of not fitting in, then I think that can be perfectly valid.
I will try to find that link for you tomorrow.
Best wishes, Moomingirl.
I'd agree with Moomingirl. I used to read behavioural stuff from my teens onwards. Lately I read Aspergirls by Rudy Simone, and it has made me relax about my symptoms being so subtle for some stuff. I can see how I've damped them down so as to pass for normal. Some stuff can't be hidden, but it just makes me seem quirky, rather than Aspie. Check it out in the library, and photocopy the page that gives a list of male/female ASD differences and give it to your doc.
whirlingmind
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I started masking and mimicking when I realised I wasn't like most of the people around me. I responded to feedback by making eye contact, asking people how they are, not being so blunt ... and anything else I could think of doing to fake normalcy. Maybe if there were autistic traits I've just learnt to cover them up.
There were some things I couldn't mask like not being able to maintain relationships, severe sensitivity to noise, being a loner, having few interests, not being able to work in a team - but, the shrink thinks these things and all others I mentioned can be explained by early childhood something - can't remember what he said either experiences or influences .. and that I was afraid of getting close to people and backed away if that was a possibility which was not an autistic trait? I'm 70% convinced he's right.
Basically he will look for evidence but doesn't think there will be enough to request a referral.
Would be interested in anyone's opinion .. maybe I've taken things as far as they can go and it's time to stop searching for an ASD or other answer ..? I'm 45 now. Just say anything at all please as long as it's an answer .. feeling a bit lost and alone!
All the evidence he should need, is you completing the AQ10 and if the score is above the cut-off then that is reason enough for a referral for assessment.
Sometimes clinicians say things when they don't know what they are talking about, where is his proof that they wouldn't accept the referral without loads of evidence? Ask to see something official. If you learn your rights and stand up for them there is much less chance of being fobbed off.
_________________
*Truth fears no trial*
DX AS & both daughters on the autistic spectrum
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