Loneliness and ASD

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I've really enjoyed our little chat.

I could understand how one could get depressed being on the Internet frequently--it takes one away from the "real world."

To me, it is a point of contact to people from all over the world. If I wasn't for the Internet, I wouldn't have enjoyed our little chat. Whenever I get burned out from it, I just don't go on. I enjoy doing research on the Internet, keeping in mind the credo: "consider the source."

The libraries in the UK do offer nice internet access; I used to go to one in Bromley, Southeast London.

Locksmiths usually cost in the neighborhood of $50-100 in New York City.

Well it was nice chatting with you.

The question is do I phone the samaratan or the emergency psyche team.

I want to die and i've just been left like this. The therapist has not gotten back to me as she said she would about referring me for an assessment and I don't have another appointment booked.

I can't go another day feeling like this, I don't feel worthless but loneliness is making me feel physically sick, literally. Its a constant emotional pain and it needs to end now. Its cruel as I am not a bad person and I don't deserve this so its better if I just end it. Then the world cannot torment me anymore. I don't have any future to stay here for, there is nothing if I must spend everday lone...punished by people because I tried to help them or hated by them (such as the drug dude) because I didn't want sex with them.

I never thought id' end up alone like this. I had a fella once, and he proposed. I should have accepted. I didn't think it would be my one and only proposal. I was not in love with him (he was in love with me) so I said no. I thought Id find someone else. He was nice clean living self employed builder. The best one I ever dated. ANd he wanted to marry me and i said no. What a fool.

It was a long time ago...before the internet. Before it ruined me. Since people started making out I am a deliberate trouble maker when I am not no one has wanted me on any of the dating sites. People contact me and then suddenly stop talking for no reason, I don't even know why.

Well they win, I cant live like this. I have not even had a fun evening out in 5 years since I moved to this hell hole. Its all been people rattling on and on about worhtless ness.

No laughs
no jokes
no fun

just whine i hate myself whine i hate myself you hate your you hate yourself obsess obsess obsess

The world is obsessed with its ego and I can't cope with that.

I have a son, whom I am not presently in contact with. He is over 16 now but is there anyone willing to contact him once I have left and let him know? He probably needs to know his mom has gone.

Hello Bumble,
Please phone someone who can offer some help to you, please, more please.
There is a future for you.

I second Neilson. At least call the Samaratan.

I wouldn't want to lose the opportunity to chat with you again. I lost a friend to suicide in 1999. I don't think she meant to do it--but the deed was done.

There's lots in that head that could be used to either productive or fun purposes.

Really, hindsight is 20:20. Regrets are worthless.

You have a future, most definitely, which could be all the more richer because of the lessons which you learned in your past.

You want to hear something funny? I swear this is true! My high school nickname was "Mumbles."

When I was 12-13, I really wanted to live in the Paleolithic! I used to carry around a stick, which I called my "spear." Whenever I wanted to eat, I would pretend to "spear" whatever food item I wanted. I did this in the supermarket, too.

Panic over; bumble is not dead and the matter is in hand. I'm only saying this to reassure the people here as I don't know when she'll get around to replying to this thread. I'll say nothing else as that's for her to write if and when she wants to.

- Martin

I should have been more specific about what in droppy's post I was praising. So I went back and bolded the most important bit. Gossipping is not the relevant part because you don't. What is relevant is not trying to change people's beliefs. It helps a lot with getting along with people. Upthread you replied to my post (which I'm not re-quoting because it's too long) with amazement that people don't like it when you try to educate them because after all who wouldn't want to know new stuff? But if they perceive that as a negative judgement then that's what you have to accept if you want to get along with them.

The people in your area will gossip, express negativity, feel judged as ignorant if you try to educate them (unless they specifically ask about something), have insecurities and petty jealousies, believe in social hierarchies and worry endlessly about their place in them. If you want to befriend them, you have to accept these things about them even if you don't understand them and it all seems illogical. If you don't want to befriend them, you must either accept solitude (which you don't want to do per other posts because you are lonely) or find new people.

You are in a small area but there must be people you haven't encountered yet. They are just flying under your radar somehow. But the catch is that they will have insecurities, ego problems. jealousies etc. too. It does no good to hold out for the people who have no insecurities, no ego problems, no feelings of worthlessness, who are willing to talk about interests without ever involving personal baggage. They might exist but they are rare. Accept people as they are even when they are illogical,petty etc. and you will get along with them better.

Alternatively, get a pet. A dog would be great. They are so sociable and can really help with loneliness.

There's a real buzz over Bumble

How can we not like her?

bumble is the bee's knees

Bee's don't have knees.

That's a weird saying. I know what it means, i just cant describe what it means, oddly (my brain has this habit. I am the same with words sometimes. I can know a word, know how to use a word but if you ask me what the word means you are out of luck).

I don't want to be the bee's knees. I want a quiet little life in the country or near an unpopulated part of the coast with a companion and maybe one close friend and a few congenial family members to invite round for Christmas dinner. I want to go horse riding on the weekends, potter about in my garden with my vegetable patch or planting pretty flowers, have time to read books instead of reading on the computer, I want to learn traditional needle crafts and live a life almost free of technology (having only the most essential items).

I want to be a modern day cave girl.

I want to retreat from society (as much as someone can outside of having to earn monies to do things with and exchange for food stuffs) and the human ego and just be with nature, my books, my arts and crafts and my piano.

I also want to travel the length of Britains coast, go beach combing in different parts of the country to see what fossils I can find and so on and so forth.

Right now I want to sleep but something is making my eyes feel like I have grit in them, my nose is running and is sore and my throat is irritated as well. I suspect I may have hay fever or similar...

I also want to know what I am.

What if I go for the assessment and its not an ASD, then what the hell am I because I don't relate to NT. An anomaly?

A pet is probably a good idea, I was looking at the information on the RSPCA web site the other day about adopting a dog. Its not cheap though so it will have to wait a few weeks.

Oh we are playing with the bumble name...bumble bee.

I would like to just be able to be bumble, whatever bumble happens to be.

I am happy to accept they have their beliefs as long as they don't keep projecting them on to me or expect me to live by them in my personal world beyond the role of common courtesy. Same with different ways of thinking. Most people assume I think like them, but I think like a bumble (that's neither a good or bad thing, its just a personal difference) and this can cause me massive problems when trying to communicate as I explained to the therapist I was seeing. It amounts to a lot of confusion, a lot of social difficulties, a lot of upsets and head hitting on my part out of sheer frustration and then a lot of anger and annoyance with the world as well as social isolation.

That's not my only issue. The only environment I even come close to knowing how to make friends in is at college and that takes me months. That's if it hasn't all changed. In the old days people used to ask me for help with their work and I'd offer any advice I could. Over time we would talk, they seemed to find me amusing or funny (i may have had a sense of humour once up on a time) and they would sometimes invite me out with them. The friendships never lasted beyond college though.

If i go to groups I either sit quietly in the back or I join in but nothing seems to come of it and I still can't find people I can relate to.

I do not mind listening to peoples baggage sometimes and I don't mind helping sometimes but I can't always do that. I don't always really completely understand what they are experiencing if I am honest because of my different way of perceiving the world. I may be able to understand their emotions, but not why they got upset or their way of thinking/logic/reasoning for example. So I can understand what embarrassment might feel like (have had it briefly myself) but I don't understand why someone would feel embarrassed for blushing.

Blushing is a natural bodily process, what is wrong with it?

I know in social situation it may have certain connotations that make it a bad thing but why? Who made up these rules? Can it not just be accepted as a natural thing that happens when a person is nervous, shy or embarrassed about something. Why is it shameful?

I do not think anything of it if someone blushes whilst talking to me.

But I do know how they are feeling, I just can't help them, because of my way of thinking and my beliefs being so different from theirs. They need someone who shares the same belief system as them to offer advice as I will just tell them that is nothing wrong with blushing and nothing to be embarrassed about which doesn't seem to do much good.

That does not mean that I don't have my uses as a friend though, I'm just not good on the emotional comforts front which is why i asked my therapist if there are other ways to bond. I think it is stable bonds I am seeking more so than just company. i don't really need company for the sake of company but I do like the company of people I am bonded with.

LOL, well said

Good Night, Bumble.

I hope you only get pleasing birdie sounds tomorrow morning when you wake up.

Whenever I go to the West Indies, there's always a cacophony of roosters greeting me at around 4 in the morning, when I can't sleep because of the heat. The roosters incite the dogs, and vice versa. It's a veritable cacophony, like I said--but it's the sound of the unpretentiously Primal. Perhaps, like in Neolithic days. I wish I could say "Paleolithic"--but these are agriculturalist sounds.

Seconded

Thanks for letting us know, IKnowWhoIAmNow.