Introduction To Girls/Relationship/Sex Help

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Hi, I wanted some information to help so I am prepared to talk, have relationships, and relations.

I am well older than 21 but younger than 35, male.
I have never been in a relationship since elementary school and had no experience.
I'd like this to change, but I do not know the first thing on this.

I don't how to approach girls, the social cues of flirting, how to develop a relationship, and, I have no idea on sex at all.
I was wondering if any of you had tips or even better, resources (Sex for dummies books?) you could recommend so I can be more informed and prepared. Thanks.

My first piece of advice: You don't have to go for sex right away. You should really get that feeling--that you want it--before you even consider it.

I'd look for a person with common interests and a common past. When you have both, you have lots to talk about.

Joining a club which reflects any special interest you might have would be a useful way to meet like-minded people.

Don't force yourself to be sexual until you feel ready.

The friendship/relationship stuff should be the priority.

Sure, I agree.

I just want to be prepared if the moment comes up on sex, so any resources/dummy guides for the novice would be good.
Not having confidence that I can or even know how to perform I think inhibts me from trying to even talk.

also try "LLR" Love", i forgot the middle one, and "relationships" thread.

Open communication is essential. To the extent a potential partner can understand you own challenges, the more they will be able to understand and bond. Just don't try to tell them everything at once - conversation is a back and forth process. Be patient.

If you take your time to build a relationship, other things will evolve naturally.

[Moved from General Autism Discussion to Love and Dating]

Well -- girls are people. You could start from that angle. And then when you find one you like, ask her if she'd like to go for a coffee or to a show, and see if you enjoy her company and she enjoys yours. And if you both have a good time, go out again. You can do all this without some kind of giant flashing end goal "want girlfriend and sex", and if you're having a good time and really like each other, you can talk to her about not knowing these things, and if she's a good person who's had some experience with a range of people, she'll listen and talk frankly with you. If she likes you, I'm sure she'll tell you.

There really isn't a good reason to hide who you are, and there's no magic -- it's all just people.

As in you don't know what sort of signals someone might give that they'd like to hop into bed with you?

Or literally no physical idea of how it's actually done?

If the latter, you might benefit from watching some porn. Seriously.

Both.

I have no idea how to have sex, what goes on, how to do it right.
I have no idea how to talk, approach, and read girls.

I'd like to know if there are any good books or other resources I can look over so I am prepared.

There are over 14,000 results on amazon.com for the search words "sex guide" - there's bound to be something useful to you here:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_ ... =sex+guide

Otherwise it may help to watch hollywood movies where there are sex scenes, for the purpose of observing communication and body language before they go to bed together. As for after people get into bed.. it may, seriously, benefit you to watch some porn if you never have.

I agree that it might be an idea to watch some porn if you literally don't know what goes where. Do bear in mind though that a lot of porn is very unrealistic and it often shows women being treated in ways they may not appreciate in real life. As has been said above, there are plenty of sex education books and websites around that will help.

Women are only people, we're not that different to you really. Treat us as equals and friends - maybe try for friendship first before you try for sex and/or a relationship. Good luck!

This is great advice, and I'd even take it a step further--just work on establishing friendships and don't even worry about taking it any further than that. If you do that, I'd be willing to bet that at some point a relationship would just kinda fall into place.

I realize that this requires a degree of patience that is not possessed by everyone, but I can say that literally every relationship I've ever had has begun with no direct effort on my part to have anything beyond a friendship. (And, conversely, every single time I've made such an effort it's been a laughable failure )

I can't claim that I've had a huge amount of them, but I see that as a good thing--I've had four of them, the shortest one was 15 months, and collectively in the last 15 years I've been in a relationship for roughly 11.

I do understand that a lot of the reason that things have worked out for me in that sense for such long periods of time is that, once I'm in a relationship, I do have an off-the-charts level of patience and the ability to grind through issues in a more "clinical" sense, rather than getting spun out by natural emotions; those are traits that I am fortunate to have, and I get that it's much easier said than done.

It should also be noted though that I am a drunk, I'm incredibly selfish (and basically exist in my own little world), and by some measures I'm a fundamentally bad person--this is important because for me, if there's not a preexisting solid foundation of friendship, a.) no one will put up with my BS and b.) it's not worth it for me to make a concerted effort to minimize my shortcomings.


After re-reading the original post, I'm getting the impression that this is more about sex than relationships and I may have missed the boat completely. For the sex part, in advance of whenever it comes to that, yeah porn couldn't hurt. But I'd strongly recommend you disconnect from that as much as possible and for now just focus on making friends.