Another bully

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So my son is in half days summer school program at the middle school. Today a boy was goofing around with him with a ball and string. The string broke and the kid says your dead and pushes him up against the wall twice. My son said two other boys saw this happen, but my son is pretty nervous and bad in confrontational situations so I dunno. Then after school the boy saw my kid again and mouthed the words your dead to him again. They both walk home after school but in different ways. Im so worried to let him walk home now, he usually does with his younger brother. They have to walk because I work. I called the school but the principle was not available and she's supposed to get back to me. We had her as a teacher during 1 st and 4th grade, she is pretty cold, doesn't like to communicate much, ect. This boy was new to our school district last year, and he broke a window in a door with his foot, so he's obviously very troubled... My kids got aspergers and anxiety, ADHD , so this is going to be really tough on him. Besides saying exactly what my son said happened I'm not even sure whatever else I have the right to expect like his parents should be called and the teacher alerted of the situation...any advice? Thx.
Cheryl

Kinda depends on you kid's age and the ability he has to stick up for himself.

But I'd do is this: talk to your kid about it. Ask how he feels about it. Help him define the problem, and help him to come up with a diplomatic solution, to stand up for himself in a respectable manner. Practice a possible conversation, or a possible strategy for the next time this happens. And if needed and possible, stand somewehere in the background, while your kid confronts the bully. Your kid will feel backed-up, and you can intervene when possible.
If this is too hard for your kiddo, you can do it together. But make him part of it, this is the most valuable skill you'll ever teach him. Or, you could talk to the person actually being there, instead of the principal. Tell him or her what happened, how you practiced the standing up part, and ask him of her to 'watch his back'. These are essential social skills, and they can't deny their responsibility in this, especially of you present it as a learning opportunity.

Definitely let the teacher know. Unfortunately, though, there's nothing the school can do if this kid decides to attack your son while he's walking home. You could ask that your son be allowed to leave a little early or stay a little late in hopes of avoiding him. Or maybe he could ride a bike so he'll be too fast to catch? Maybe another parent could give him a lift home?
You could also contact the police, though that's a pretty extreme reaction. I would only do that as a last resort, if I thought my kid was in serious danger. I don't know whether you feel that way.
My own son was "jumped" by two kids outside his elementary school last year, so I empathize with your situation. I can also tell you that kids DO sometimes follow through (partly or wholly) on threats they make, and schools sometimes don't take things seriously until after someone's been hurt.

He is 13, and his skill level with this sorta thing is not too great. He was pretty overwhelmed when he came home and fell asleep on the couch, can't say I blame him. We will be chatting propably later tonight about it. I'm not sending him back to school until the principle gets back to me on this, which she has not yet. So far I get he's feeling pretty threatened. This kid has a really bad reputation, so I was disappointed that my son was goofing around with him in the first place. But it's often the case that whoever is being friendly to my son, he will socialize with, unless a problem brews. This will also be part of our convo later...

I have some kids that are doing Kung Fu with me and I think it really helps (if you can get into a system where you can learn and be able to make it applicable, in a short time... not all martial arts or martial arts schools are that way)

However my 11 year old (Aspie) doesnt like it, and has an aversion to fighting, even if it is for self defense. It is harder to know how to help him because he does not take to the self-defense classes. This is not necessarily an aspie trait but it is one of his traits, personally. Although it could be partially a sensory thing.

I'm just really not sure what I can expect the school to do about this. I have no idea if this boys goofing around and teasing some, or if he's gonna bring a weapon to school and attack my kid, since he said your dead. It's a gray area and I don't know how their gonna do it but I need to know my son is safe hands down.

This is the part that really makes me think the school needs to take these threats seriously. I hope they do.

Yippy me too, we will find out tomorrow I guess. My kids will.not be back in school until this is resolved. I'm scared my sweet boy who's such a non fighter is going to get the snot beat out of him.

ok, so the kids are older than I thought. I'm still a firm believer in standing up for oneself. Staying at home will only teach him he needs to be scared and hide. I understand you want to protect him, and maybe this time it is necessary, but I wouldn't do this everytime he gets bullied. Kid broke a glass door with his foot, ok, I did similar things as a kid. Didn't mean I was a dangerous little monster, I just had issues. Windowkicker is probably a bit messed up himself. Do you know his family situation? Can you talk to the parents? Tell them you're worried about both kids?

Kung fu is a good tip as well, I did some Wing Chun when I was younger. I was an EMT and the smallest woman on the squad. Just doing the kung fu in my spare time changed my posture, my attitude, self-awareness.

Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm just saying: teaching your kids to stand up for themselves is the most important thing you can teach them; especially kids on the spectrum.

Even if the child has it in him to fight back, in the U.S, he may end up getting into as much or more trouble than the bully. The schools are different now, here, than they were.

I don't know what I would do, which is why I had not posted. I think keeping him home until the the school straightens things out, was probably a good thing to do. Maybe the other child should have an aide or someone keeping him in check.

OK, I understand, but I didn't mean 'fight back' in a literal way, I meant standing up, as in saying 'I don't accept the way you are treating me'. This could be saying to that bully 'don't talk to me like that', in a persuasive manner, that could be enough; or saying 'do not touch me', to even 'if you push me one more time, I'm going to report this and you will be in trouble'. Not actually punching the kid in the face.

Same thing for what I said about Kung Fu; I've never actually round-house kicked someone, but I know that if I have to, I can. Yet, I won't do it unless I really have to. If someone physically attacks me, I will first avoid, then defense, and only go to attack when I'm really in trouble. Just knowing that I can, made a *huge* difference in my overall composure. If I'm in a potentially dangerous situation, I will walk away if I can. If I can't, I will remain calm and collective, and have enough self-assurance so I look I'm not to be messed with. Self defense starts with attitude and composure. Not being afraid starts with being self-assure. That is what martial arts are about, it's 90% in the mind, only 10% in actual physical contact. You don't even have to do full contact, and for kids, I wouldn't recommend it either. Capoeira, Kung Fu, Tai chi, all of them are good for the mind.

Knowing you have a place on this planet, you have a right to walk around and do whatever it is that you're doing, and that it is never ok for someone to invade your space, is what it's all about.

I don't think her son is going to learn kung-fu in the next 24 hours.

Lol, no. I'm not saying he should become a kung-fu master either. All I'm saying is that learning to stand tall is a great asset, and probably a must for people who are easy targets to bullies. And again, there are other ways to learn this then by martial arts, but they are effective this way. And what he could do in the next days, is taking the first step in standing up for himself, and learning to say 'no, I will not take this'. Even if it is just in is head. Mindset!

Take it from a person who has suffered from abuse, being able to stand up for yourself is the greatest skill there is. It empowers you on many levels. The pain never goes away, but you won't feel as helpless as you did before, and this has an enormous effect on your quality of life. Again, I'm not saying to kick the little bugger in the face. I'm talking about speaking up, learning to ask for the help, the protection and the guidance you're entitled to, and finding a way to walk around with your head held high. This takes time, sure. But it will benefit in the long run. We aren't going to be around forever for our kids, they need to learn this.

Wing Chun is what me and my kids are doing. It is not the only one that is good, of course, but I do like that it seems we have been able to make it feel useful in a fairly short amount of time. My 11 year old spectrum kid though can't stand the Chi Sau exercises though; he won't participate.

Obviously not an immediate solution anyhow.

I can see why, the 'sticky hands' are very intrusive. Yet, very important. Is he willing to do them with you? Going way off-topic here, and again, I know this isn't a quick fix, but being able to stand up against abuse is a long-term goal. Sorry.