Good places to meet young women without a social circle?

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Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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16 Jul 2015, 4:31 pm

Most relationships happen from friends or friends of friends or when groups of friends collide etc. What are some good places to meet young women if you fail to obtain the privilege of a social circle?

We all know by now that online dating is abysmal for men and since women do not like strangers, approaching women as a stranger is just as unproductive. Nightclubs can at least tease you with short moments of pleasure but for finding a girlfriend they are worthless too.

Nothing vague or ambiguous please. Please give me concrete advice and instructions. This is an site for autists after all.



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Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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17 Jul 2015, 12:03 pm

Looks like nobody knows. Aspie males without a social circle sure are f****d.



Caelum
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17 Jul 2015, 2:09 pm

I have no idea how other people do it. The religious culture I grew up in encourages us to marry so it was expected for everyone to go on dates with a variety of people. I actually met my wife at a pot luck dinner after church one week. We started dating and now we've been married for 13 years.
Good luck and stay safe



Aspie1
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17 Jul 2015, 2:21 pm

Join groups on Meetup to create yourself a social circle. Make sure they're generic "hanging out" groups, rather than male-oriented sports or technology groups. Even better if the group attends or engages in theater activities, since they tend to attract quirky, non-judgmental types. Also take a dance class, if you can swing it (pun intended). They tend to have more women than men, and women tend to respect men who want to learn classic dancing. Just read up on etiquette and boundaries before going to such a class.



qFox
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17 Jul 2015, 2:52 pm

The only places that do not require high amounts of social skills are religious communities like church groups. My parents weren't religious so I was out of luck on that. Now I'm kind of too late to the party and religious circles tend to be a bit closed off so without a social circle to introduce you it's a dead end. Going to meet-ups, conventions or bars quickly have me ostracised for lacking small talk ability and presence. I try to talk to other people and they either ignore me or don't return the conversation. They make me feel even worse than before I go.

Everyone I know with autism that has met a partner met them through their friends or parents hooking them up. If you aren't exceedingly attractive, can't get a circle of friends and your parents don't care you are out of luck I guess. All you can do is keep trying ( and improving yourself physically and mentally ) hoping for that one small lucky chance you might meet someone who is genuinely interested in you. Roughly 4% of all people in the west go through their entire life without a single serious relationship, so we might be those I guess.



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Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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17 Jul 2015, 5:42 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Join groups on Meetup to create yourself a social circle. Make sure they're generic "hanging out" groups, rather than male-oriented sports or technology groups. Even better if the group attends or engages in theater activities, since they tend to attract quirky, non-judgmental types. Also take a dance class, if you can swing it (pun intended). They tend to have more women than men, and women tend to respect men who want to learn classic dancing. Just read up on etiquette and boundaries before going to such a class.

I've gone through pretty much every Meetup group in my area (I didn't bother with the obviously male-dominated ones like Python). As the thread title implies, I'm talking about young women. I haven't seen a single one on meetup. I don't think young women really use it.



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17 Jul 2015, 5:45 pm

qFox wrote:
The only places that do not require high amounts of social skills are religious communities like church groups. My parents weren't religious so I was out of luck on that. Now I'm kind of too late to the party and religious circles tend to be a bit closed off so without a social circle to introduce you it's a dead end. Going to meet-ups, conventions or bars quickly have me ostracised for lacking small talk ability and presence. I try to talk to other people and they either ignore me or don't return the conversation. They make me feel even worse than before I go.

Everyone I know with autism that has met a partner met them through their friends or parents hooking them up. If you aren't exceedingly attractive, can't get a circle of friends and your parents don't care you are out of luck I guess. All you can do is keep trying ( and improving yourself physically and mentally ) hoping for that one small lucky chance you might meet someone who is genuinely interested in you. Roughly 4% of all people in the west go through their entire life without a single serious relationship, so we might be those I guess.

Yeah. I wish people were more honest about this s**t.



Aspie1
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17 Jul 2015, 6:06 pm

qFox wrote:
Everyone I know with autism that has met a partner met them through their friends or parents hooking them up. If you aren't exceedingly attractive, can't get a circle of friends and your parents don't care you are out of luck I guess.

I don't have the benefit of even that. Most girls in my friends' social circle have the emotional warmth of the South Pole. I barely feel comfortable hanging out with them, let alone dating them. With my family, it's a no-go. For reasons I'd rather not talk about, I've always been so secretive with them about my dating life, that they know absolutely nothing about my likes and dislikes in that area. So they wouldn't know what girls to fix me up with, and whenever they offered, I refused.



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02 Aug 2015, 7:51 am

The answer to the topic should be obvious. You can meet stranger girls in hobby groups, religious groups, dancing and probably a few more. But you just don't go join these groups and then go right up to some girl asking for a date (that would kill your chances in that group). You flirt with them and see some of them likes you, and then after a while of that, you might ask them to join you in other types of activities (and this is not sex, mind you).

I'd also say that it is no loss to have no friends. At least I'm unable fall in love with av friend, so that's just a total waste of time to get friends in order get a girlfriend.



wallymgtf
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02 Aug 2015, 7:57 am

I really want a girlfriend but they all say no y :)



MissMee
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02 Aug 2015, 9:52 am

Good places to meet single girls include ballroom dancing classes (Latin or Standard, there are never enough guys for partnering), adult beginner's ballet or gymnastics and any kind of arts/crafts class (pottery, knitting, embroidery, etc). All of these are venues where you will see the same people week after week.

However, not having friends (and thus no social circle) suggests your social skills might be the problem. If so, addressing that issue first (making friends, usually easier than finding a romantic relationship) is probably the way to go.



rdos
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02 Aug 2015, 12:07 pm

MissMee wrote:
Good places to meet single girls include ballroom dancing classes (Latin or Standard, there are never enough guys for partnering), adult beginner's ballet or gymnastics and any kind of arts/crafts class (pottery, knitting, embroidery, etc). All of these are venues where you will see the same people week after week.


Exactly, and because you meet the same time week after week you don't need to go up to them and ask for a date. It works just as well to learn to know each others as part of the activities.

MissMee wrote:
However, not having friends (and thus no social circle) suggests your social skills might be the problem. If so, addressing that issue first (making friends, usually easier than finding a romantic relationship) is probably the way to go.


Disagree. Friends and relationships have nothing in common, so you learn nothing from friendships that you can use for relationships. It's just a total waste. Social skills also have no importance if you are neurodiverse looking for other neurodiverse people, as the skills needed for neurodiverse relationships are completely different from NT social skills.



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02 Aug 2015, 12:29 pm

MissMee wrote:
Good places to meet single girls include ballroom dancing classes (Latin or Standard, there are never enough guys for partnering), adult beginner's ballet or gymnastics and any kind of arts/crafts class (pottery, knitting, embroidery, etc). All of these are venues where you will see the same people week after week.


The few times I've been somewhere remotely looking like those places, I just felt out of place. If there aren't enough guys for partnering, it's probably for a good reason.

MissMee wrote:
However, not having friends (and thus no social circle) suggests your social skills might be the problem. If so, addressing that issue first (making friends, usually easier than finding a romantic relationship) is probably the way to go.


Then you can spend your whole life stuck with the impossible goal of making friends, so you'll never even try to date.


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02 Aug 2015, 12:45 pm

The kitchen?......I mean get a job working in a kitchen and meet women there. They like a man who can cook especially a chef!


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02 Aug 2015, 12:50 pm

Hm, I like that idea.


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02 Aug 2015, 12:56 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
Hm, I like that idea.
I bet you thought I was just going to say the kitchen and thats it and get people all scowling and such hehe.


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