Do Men with Asperger's Initiate Dates?

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sadly I don't ever see this becoming a norm

I've only been approached once by a woman for the express purpose of dating. This happened in 1978, at the age of 17. She turned out to be a Jesus Freak.

I just don't get approached by women. That's just the way it is.

Well thank's bud you're pretty rad your self I'm 28 btw. I know my advice probably seemed a little childish with the letter recommendation lol but sometimes depending on the individual you gotta use unconventional methods playing the dating game.

I just read your original post about this man and a few comments down and I'm short on time otherwise I'd read more. I wouldn't be so quick to give up as that first poster recommended. I think he's probably at a loss as to what to do next and riddled with fear of messing it up on top of it. By everything you said about how he's acting would lead me to believe he is very interested in you, especially the bit you said about your conversation after the one time you guys did meet up. Don't assume that the current circumstances will persist through out the entire future, and you will only see this guy once every few months...That is ridiculous.

I think this guy is just having a hard time expressing his feelings towards you and also struggling with picking up on yours. In my opinion he just needs a push and some reassurment that his efforts will not be counteractive end up just pushing you away. He's made it clear that he's got some fear around being shot down, already. I would imagine that he attributes some of his past efforts to "make moves" with getting turned down and is probably at the very least reluctant or maybe even deathly afraid to make any moves again....reassure him that he is safe to act and speak freely around you, reassure him that you really do find him interesting and appealing...I feel like he just needs you to say it, because I do not know why else he would drag his feet for so long.

I think all of his behavior speaks for its self and I think you know that but are just afraid to put it to the test...understandably too. You've invested a lot of emotion into what you guy have shared already, I'd be afraid to put that on the line too... but if you're scared chances are he's more scared...just telling ya how it looks to me. Personally if I were in his shoes then I the only reason I wouldn't have done more to move on with everything are either 1. fear of being shot down, 2. I don't share those feelings. If it were the latter, I wouldn't have shared my insecurities around relationships or bombard you with a million thank you's and I also wouldn't be struggling so much to spend some time with you....I know that sounds backwards but I often have the hardest time letting someone get to know me, that I have strong feelings for. If it were someone I knew I had intended on keeping in the friend zone..then meeting up for short bursts wouldn't feel like such a burden because I know less is expected of me.

So If I were you I would reassure him of everything I mentioned, be blunt about your feelings with him, and if need be just flat out ask him if he feels the same way. Tell him you need to see him more than once in a blue moon. Just tell him you need to know because it's only fair to you know if these feelings are worth the energy. He wont be offended, and I think that might finally get things in motion for you two, if the feelings are mutual. Does he know you're aware of him being an aspie? That's my biggest fear around dating is that once she finds out it'll be a lost cause....

I really hope that my experiences are reflecting his behavior correctly and I'm not just giving blind advice here....either way being bold with him couldn't possibly hurt matters unless you are content on having relationship over the phone for ever...

I've only been approached once by a woman for the express purpose of dating. This happened in 1978, at the age of 17. She turned out to be a Jesus Freak.

I just don't get approached by women. That's just the way it is.

I think this never happened to me. The closest was a girl asking for a hike (with the intention of a date, but not saying it). I also think some might have asked me for a dance with that intention, but it never happened literally.

Also, all of those failed miserably. I think that if a girl actually asked for a date, I'd be totally lost at what to say and probably wouldn't be able to say anything. So, no, I don't think this will solve the problem of neurodiverse guys.

Instead, what has been a persistent pattern in successful interactions was always that the girl participated actively, and that her view was not that the "guy does it all". The "guy does it all" attitude is 100% certain to cause failure, but I don't need the girl to actually initiate.

The Asperger thing has to play a huge role in our communication problems. I am not able to express how I feel about him without meeting him again. He is now acting like he did when we began talking until I reassured him and built trust. I want to stay here where I live and marry him and live happily or Asperger happlily ever after. I have invested so much time and emotional energy.

I've had girls do what you're doing. Be involved in my life, and giving all types of indication of interest, long conversations, hanging out. If I truly didn't like them, they'd have heard it by now. What was missing was my comprehension of what progressing to the next steps looked like.

For guys, I think there are two different steps. The first step is to acknowledge the effort a girl has put down in you, which will break the approach block and make you able to approach her and talk. The second step is to acknowledge that you are exclusive with her, which will kind of turn-off your desire to flirt with other girls for many years. Of course, both guys and girls must be very careful to take the second step because I think that might be just as hard to get out of as a crush, so people could waste many years on that simple decision.

Or you could go out with the person a few times,

have a Conversation about dating exclusively and then mutually decide to do so (or not).

The staring, the one sided ness, the exclusivity without consulting the other person's just creepy.

I'd never get to that stage because I wouldn't approach or talk to them. So regardless of method, I first need to get over the approach block before anything will happen. Unless the girl initiates contact.



Never had an exclusive talk. That's implicit once you get to a certain stage. That's also why dating is so maladaptive. If the ND person think they have reached a stage where he/she might find it a good idea to get exclusive, this can have a direct effect on his/her ability to want to initiate contact with others for years.



The problem people needs to be aware of is that it is possible to go exclusive as an one-sided action, and that this can lead to severe problems for a long time. NTs simply doesn't have this problem because they can stop being exclusive in a snap if they decide to.