Almost 30, single, and worried about never finding love

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If meeting new people is important to an individual, they have the option of making time to meet new people, eg get up 1 hr earlier to join a running club or a post-work meetup or cooking class.

Plenty of adults successfully branch out and meet new people. The motivated ones. People do what is important to them.

A guy who is still single has only himself to blame. A girl who is still single has only herself to blame. Personal responsibility. No one is entitled to a cruise directed social life.

^^
Ok, but there are some people who can do that well: They might be lacking money, they might be having a dependent sick parent, they might have an extremely demanding work, they might have autism...etc.

No one is blaming anyone here though, I don't know why you are bringing up this all the time.

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Last edited by Tempora on 08 Oct 2015, 4:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

So this thread is about being married at age 38. Sometimes women marry men just for support or drama/feel sorry for me. If my wife did that,I would be very disappointed. So now on to more crazy shiaagins. Very crazy.

I have a feeling I will be feeling like that if I ever do get a girlfriend, and I told everyone here that I met a guy whose feelings are like that when he finally got his first girlfriend at the age of 31!

Only in my twenties, but I guess we're all feeling the blues of relationships with women. But otherwise we all get issues in the end and end up being what we can so called. Lucked out. Unless a fate can fix that. Women bring sometimes drama into life. But otherwise the drama is in them. Not like in other cases somethings are worth not even bothering.

yeah... LA is kinda BS right now, i would not recommend it...

yeah... I just turned 28 too... and moved to a country where I do not speak the language... Moral is kinda low on that topic... but hey... this is how selection works.

You have to do more than just make plans and wait for things to happen. Nothing, I repeat NOTHING, is going to happen unless you do something to make it happen. Getting a job to have the money to move to LA or going out to places to meet girls so you can get a gf, etc. Nothing at all will happen unless you do something besides just make plans and map everything out. Action, not thought.

If you're over 30, you're f*cked. Plain and simple. Forget about ever sleeping with a young woman again without paying for it. In fact, even women over 30 won't want you (except for provisional purposes).

You might think things are tough now, but they're about to get a whole lot tougher. As a certain famous song goes, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

How old are you?

guess that means I better hurry

I'm happy by myself. Like the OP, I am 28.

It took a while, but I finally got my sh*t together. Stopped drinking, cleaned up my diet and started exercising. Now things don't get to me the same way as before and depression is not lingering like it used to.

I earn enough for the bare necessities of survival. Most women want to do expensive stuff like eat expensive dinners at fancy restaurants, go to the movies, travel abroad etcetra. I like to spend money on books, video games and related stuff. My hobbies basically. That becomes difficult if a woman demands we do those things or I "don't put any effort into the relationship".

My two cats also cost money. They need to be fed, have their litter changed regularly, which costs money, and then if a visit to the vet becomes necessary I also need to afford that.

If I were to find a woman to be with, she'd have to be someone who doesn't get in the way. Someone who can get along with my way of doing things without trying to change my routines and stuff. That would not go over well.

I've been in two relationships before. I tell you, women want to change you. They look at you like a house that needs furnishing. Once it's done, it's not so exciting to them anymore, and they look for a new house. Beware of this. I don't say they're all like that, but if she's too keen to change things about you and is not satisfied with you as you are, then you're better of being single because she is going to turn you into a doormat and then lose attraction to you.

I've seen that happen to people I know. It's sad. They bend over backwards to accomodate to this new woman and once she has molded them into soft little puppy dogs, they're ditched. Not nice.

Spend time on hobbies instead. And then if that one in a billion woman comes by who adds to your life without being a headache and an obstacle to you, then that's wonderful. But don't compromise your integrity or think that a woman will be the key to happiness. The happiness must be there before she enters your life or it will all crumble to pieces.

I'm not jealous of these guys.
But I wonder, you said after the women are done, the guys are left as doormats. But aren't they already doormats if they bend over backwards and change in ways they don't really want to?
I think so!

Yes, they'd have to be spineless to begin with to allow someone to mold them like that without protesting, making resistance or doing the sane thing: getting out of there asap.
But there's a process. First they get neutralized by the chemicals in their brain and then you see personality traits change in them, one by one. First he can't hang out with some friends because they are the "wrong people". Perhaps she is a radical feminist and the guy likes to hang out with his friends and sit around the house and play "patriarchal" video games, fart indiscriminately, have a few beers etcetra. Again I picked this as an extreme example for the purpose of illustrating a scenario.

This has to go because it conflicts with that womans ideology. He has to spend all time with her now and do whatever it is she is into. Perhaps she is one of those totalitarian vegans. No more steaks for him!

Then gradually, his hobbies disappear one by one. Maybe he cracks certain jokes or has a light hearted sense of humor. He might swear a little. But she is a fundie so he is constantly corrected each time he swears for instance.

Again I'm deliberately picking extreme examples to illustrate contrast.

At the end of this process the man is not recognizeable from what he was before he met that woman. It's really sad.

I think the key is to find a woman who doesn't watch the Hollywood filth that's on TV, because a lot of women seem to want to mold their lives after what the broads in the TV series do. Own 100 pairs of shoes, drink fancy drinks etc...
Fortunately, not all women are that impressionable.

It's just that those who are not tend to not be very visible, you know? They probably sit in their house all day because they don't fit in with those trendy girls.

It is as if you think men don't have brains. A guy who chooses to be "molded" is, well, CHOOSING. Out of millions and millions of women. He can leave at any time or push back at anything he feels is unreasonable. If there's enough potential in the relationship, they'll work out a mutually agreeable solution and stay together. (And changing a bit for each other isn't the least bit unusual or horrible -- maybe the guy decides to be vegan at home when they move in together. Maybe she agrees to go to bullfights with him because it's his passion. Neither makes the other a pushover).

Most humans over the age of 6 are capable of distinguishing between fantasy and reality -- males and females! -- so the "Hollywood filth" is exceedingly unlikely to poison the mind of anyone with 2 or more brain cells.

It's incredibly condescending to suggest a woman who likes fancy drinks and owns too many shoes is simply stupid and "impressionable". Maybe she just happens to like frothy pink drinks and heels (I certainly do!) and chooses to watch a show or two that features them (I loved Sex + City!). If she's got the money, she's free to spend it on whatever floats her boat.

Not seeing how this differs from a man who likes comics and goes to see Batman, Avengers, etc. All those movies / shows are pure fantasy -- pure escapism. They're fun to watch! Nobody thinks they're realistic!