Romantic relationships: An alien concept

Post Reply New Topic

Now, I don't expect to find a romantic partner. I'm pretty sure there's something in my head that makes it close to impossible to even get started by cultivating friendships, because I just never have. It might have to do with the fact that I'm often behaving like a self-centered jerk, because, well, I am one. I have real difficulties with this, no sadness, just matter-of-fact.
But still, the concept of getting to know someone romantically and being in a relationship has always been interesting to me.
I somewhat believe to understand it, but at the same time I totally don't.

Because it seems so strange.
I can't even imagine it. Even "first date" is unimaginable, even "asking someone out on a date" is... And how do you know this person is good for you anyway, why would you want to let them into your life? What if they gather information about to to backstab you?
Why do you want to be with a person at all, long-term? They're gonna talk, and you probably need to care, do nice things and love them back all the time and have conversation with them... you need to make constant compromise, even just being with someone is compromise in a way. I hate compromise.
I don't even think consistent thoughts and can't listen because of that. I have nonsensical thoughts popping up like "sandwich tiger" "booze driver" "there's no meaning in life", mathematical problems and songs on repeat or static noise while wanting to pace around and get distracted. It's like you've signed a sweatshop contract, relationship vs labor that you don't care about and can't do because you're already busy pacing around... heck no!
You know, I live with my parents. I can't for the life of me imagine introducing them to "my girlfriend" (wtf) and even worse, introducing "my girlfriend" to them. It's a surreal thought. Or being introduced to someone else's parents... I have nothing to talk about anyway. "Hello, I want to go now"
Spend money on a date? Please no. It may well be a waste. Go grab a coffe? I haven't even been at a café on my own in my entire life lol... besides, I don't even drink coffee.
What about the other person's entire family? You have to put up with them eventually...
And if it's a serious relationship eventually you have to plan your life together (I think I'm getting a short-circuit in my brain just from thinking about this)... this is the worst one actually. I don't have anything going on and it's unlikely that I care about other people's work life. I also don't want to sit at home while a partner might be working... Planning life? Having someone else take part in the decision-making? GTFO!

I'm pretty sure this sounds horrible to people in actual relationships.
Explain to me... something, I don't even know.
Explain to me how you think differently.

Yes. Relationships have nothing to do with friendships, you don't need to date, and there are girls that don't need you to talk all the time.

Other people's parents have been such a pain in the arse! If I have been sleeping with someone, I have found myself getting into a relationship to 'contractually agree' to not sleep with other people, because I/we would feel hurt, upset, or rejected. Relationships have helped me be more social, often I don't like this, but I can feel sad if I am always on my own.

Okay, I'll try with some.

And how do you know this person is good for you anyway, why would you want to let them into your life?
I don't know, so I date them to find out. If they aren't good for me, I stop seeing them.

What if they gather information about to to backstab you?
That's just too small a risk for me. It's just so very unlikely and has never happened.

Spend money on a date? Please no. It may well be a waste.
Some people, like me, enjoy dating for the sake of it. I usually have a pretty good time so it is worth the money, like spending money going out with a new friend. Also I don't go on expensive dates so it's no big deal.

Go grab a coffe? I haven't even been at a café on my own in my entire life lol... besides, I don't even drink coffee.
Don't go for coffee then (though it seems a strange reason to not go to a cafe simply because you haven't been before). But even if you are "going for a coffee", it doesn't really mean that...you could have a tea or hot chocolate or juice or smoothie.

Thanks yellowtamarin. You've shown me a few viewpoints so I can expand my inflexible thinking.

I know it sounds strange as a reason, but imagine all the unknown variables...
Like, I wouldn't even think about the fact that a café might offer drinks other than coffee... seriously. Before you said it it didn't occur to me. ^^
I'm pretty sure something's inaccurate with most of my thoughts, but again, my thoughts are inflexible, be it due to inexperience or stubbornness.

Yeah, I find literal-mindedness can be unhelpful with this sort of thing, too. I would naturally assume if someone said "want to go for a coffee?" that they meant "want to go for a coffee?". It takes an extra bit of effort to realise they might not mean quite what they say, and to figure out what else they might mean. I'm getting a lot better at it but I imagine there are still lots of commonly used phrases that don't really mean quite what I think they mean!

There's a thread somewhere about NTs doing things with conversation. You might find it useful if you haven't already read it. Let me see if I can find it...here we go:

http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=87241

if relationships are alien concept then there is something wrong with the dating world. usually when a person likes you, or anyone, they usually say lets date each other and that was it. alien concept is like a drawing board. its really that simple.