Best Way to Make (or fake) Eye Contact?

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For those of us on the spectrum, needless to say, strong eye contact isn't exactly a strong point. When I force myself to have strong eye-contact regardless of how uncomfortable it is, NT's still seem to feel that the interaction is strange. One of my closer friends says when I force myself to have strong eye contact with him he feels like I'm not really conscious or looking straight through him into "another dimension" ahah.

What are some tips/tricks you guys have use to make NT eye contact? Are there ways you've found to somewhat fake eye contact so an NT knows you're listening but you aren't forced to look straight into them? Is there an ideal balance of making eye contact at times while glancing away at others?

The "best" way i found was looking at their forehead, right at the point where the nose-bridge connects to the skull.
this will get your gaze close enough to their eyes that they won't notice it is fakes unless they start analysing, but far away enough to not bother me.

I don't know if this applies to you but for me, I have weak eyesight and can't see two feet in front of me without glasses. So, even if someone is sitting beside me or across a desk, if I look at them over the top of my glasses I can't actually see their eyes, or anything else, just the vague coloured shapes where their eyes/heads/bodies are. I will either look over the top of my glasses and at the darker shapes on their heads so it looks as if I am making eye contact but I don't actually have to endure it because I can't see, or position the top edge of my glasses across their eyes so I can see their faces but not the eyes - that also gives a good illusion of eye contact. Of you see fine, it might sound crazy but simulating this with a pair of neutral-lenses glasses might help, it's really very convenient. And probably one of the reasons I still haven't got my eyes laser-corrected.

Looking at the nose is common as is it has less 'impact' and not as noticeable. Or at the mouth's movement if you're pretty much like syncing movement with your ears.
At the forehead would still do if you don't look way above that. At the ears, that varies it could get noticeable.

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I agree about taking off or looking over glasses. But if your eyesight is 20/20 that won't work. I think I have had some success scanning my gaze back and forth around the person's face, centering on the eyes with intermittent very brief contact.

Yep, looking at the nose has been my solution for years. Sometimes I slip into childhood habits and watch the mouth though.

I have a lot of experience with producing eye contact that NTs find relatively normal. If the person knows I'm autistic, I don't pretend, because it takes effort and makes it harder for me to concentrate on the conversation. But if they're NT and don't know, I will start off a conversation by looking at them between the eyes with my eyes slightly wider open than usual and with my eyebrows slightly raised, with an open expression, sometimes with a slight smile. After maybe 15 - 30 seconds, I'll glance around momentarily and come right back to looking at them. Sometimes I look between their eyes, and other times I'll look first at their right eye and then their left, etc. If they say something of emotional impact, I may put on an empathic expression of surprise, wincing (if they're sad), puzzlement, reflection (can rub fingers across upper lip), or a smile. I track how often they break eye contact, and I break contact about as often as they do it. (If they start breaking eye contact very often, that's a sign they're about done with the conversation.) If it's my turn to speak, I'll generally look at them, but if I have to remember something or think about what I'm saying, I'll look down and possibly rub my chin with thumb and forefinger. If I'm saying something emotionally "heavy", I'll look down and once or twice look at them hard in the eyes in a meaningful way. If they say something "heavy", I'll be careful to keep strong eye contact until they're about done and then I sometimes look down, shake my head, and look right back at them. People want to see that you're tracking both the content of what they're saying and their feelings too - it makes them feel listened to and cared for. And I really do listen carefully and almost always I do care about the other person. And I'll often copy the other person's behavior and body language to a degree, which often puts people at ease. I was a manager, did a lot of interviews of hiring candidates, discussions with employees, talks with my own lead, interactions at social events - so I learned what worked and what produced bad reactions. But again, if the other person knows I'm autistic, then they know I'm listening carefully and caring what they say despite appearances, I drop the whole eye contact protocol and stare at them or look down if it gets overwhelming - that's the authentic me.

When I’m talking my eye contact is almost non existent. When the other person is talking I can make quick glances towards the eyes, but if eye contact is necessary or the illusion of it il look at there mouth,other areas of the face. If it’s with my girlfriend I can make eye contact more than usual. Same goes with very close friends. If people are much further away that helps too. I can force eye contact but it’s uncomfortable. I’ve found when I’m talking though, it’s difficult to force eye contact at all. If I had to speak(something very long winded) even if I wanted too it would be too difficult to maintain eye contact, as I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on what I’m saying while looking into someone’s gaze. If there are breaks in a too and fro conversation from me talking then I can glance in there eyes for a second or two then look away, but eye contact would be more around other areas of face,head etc. Best tip I can give is look at the mouth,nose,brief glimpses into the eyes.

I typically forget that I'm supposed to try to make eye contact. People tell me that they assume that my lack of eye contact is a cultural thing (even though it isn't at all), since I'm part of a pretty conservative religious group. People within my religion know that we don't have any prohibitions on eye contact, but they're way too polite to hold me to any eye contact rules. If I do remember that I'm supposed to be making eye contact, I make contact for a second, then look just off to the person's side, then keep doing that. What is really hard for me is doing eye exams (I'm in the medical field.) They seem so intense. I don't think I'll ever get an ENT job just because of too many eye exams.

Where can I buy colorful lenses?

I turn my face to look at them but then my eyes will look at something else to one side of their face. I usually don't look, but now and then I will turn my head and look at them and then turn my eyes away so I am seen to be polite. This seems to work.
I can make eye contact, but not in a conversation so much. For me I can do it if someone in the distance is on a stage and speaking, but it then becomes a focussed glare and if they see me it puts them off speaking.
I can't speak and make eye contact at the same time in a conversation. This is where it all goes wrong for me.

I used to look at the noses or eyebrows, too. Now I'm used to looking directly at people's eyes. Alas it doesn't make any difference to me. I see all sorts of different eyes and some of them are very pretty. I still can't read them. In fact the eye contact can distract me enough to make understanding difficult. I communicate best when I'm touching another person, like holding hands or stroking their hair. Just looking at them is not good enough for deep understanding.

[.......continued - CloudFront wouldn't let me post the whole thing ]
Desmond Morris (who studied mainstream human behaviour a lot in a variety of cultures) gave an interesting description of typical eye contact for a conversation. He reckoned that the speaker looks at the listener when he begins to speak (perhaps to indicate "I'm talking to you"), then looks slightly away until at the end when they look again at the listener (to get an idea from the facial expression etc. what impression their words might have made). Then the roles are reversed. I guess the assumption is that each person's turn is fairly brief, as they would miss the expressions that happened in the middle part of the longer stuff. I don't suppose there's much wrong with talking at some length, as long as the listener was OK with that, and then different rules would apply, and I suppose the thing would be to glance at them at the end of each expressed idea. I've always preferred the equal exchange of a few words each, but unfortunately it's still a work in progress.

As for me, I tend to find myself forgetting about eye contact when I'm talking with people, so it's hard to know quite what I do these days. I try to at least not look too far away from the other person. Often, though, I might close my eyes so I can focus better on what they're saying, and I just have to hope they'll understand that. I try to tailor my replies to demonstrate in that way that I really was listening to them, much as I try to do when I write to people. As is often the case with social interaction, there's often more than one channel through which the desired signal can be sent.
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