Blog post comparing Aspergers and Psychopathy

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And in a negative way too. I came across this blogpost which seems to promote another hate-spewing characterisation of Aspergers in relationships as apparently having no difference to that of sociopaths. It repeats the mantras of FAAAS and those hate-mongers on forums like ASPartners as well as repeats the same pseudoscience as they do about so-called Cassandra and OTRS. So, what is their wonderful insight about how aspies are different from sociopaths? Answer: They aren't, and so they claim. Here's a direct quote:

http://psychopathsandlove.com/psychopathy-or-aspergers-syndrome/

Holy s**t, this is not good. Characterisations of AS like this piss me off big time.

I think it reflects negativity on the blogger as much as ASD, because of the extreme wordings and denial to engage opposing views. I can't get angry as much as I pity her unhappiness(partially self imposed due to mindset of victimization).

She has no empathy for Aspies, she says we have no empathy at all, the possibility of if lacking it in certain areas was dismissed, black and white thinking on her part. And she appreantly has a problem with getting into relationships with psychopaths, this shows a lack of understanding of others motives. Hmmmm

TBH I do see her point. For years I thought my ex boyfriend had Asperger's because he had the symptoms and he told me and said a doctor conformed he had it. Now I realize he was a covert narcissist and his "AS symptoms" were his narcissist symptoms. He might have truly thought he had it. Which was the reason why I let the abuse happen because I thought it was all unintentional. So how do you tell the difference?

But because it's politically incorrect to be in a abusive relationship with an aspie, it's better if they are a narcissist or a psychopath. At least you won't be the bad guy and won't be wrong for how you feel.


But maybe just maybe we are uncomfortable with the truth. Instead of just changing our ways and trying to get better, we get defensive instead. Instead of being dismissive of their feelings, accept them and not dismiss them. Also try and remember to ask them about their day or how they are. Also be a good listener. My mom will say " you don't need to understand, you just need to accept it." We don't need to understand, we only need to accept it regarding feelings and empathy. I liked two of the comments written by two people with ASD because they saw from her perspective and were also trying to change their ways and working on it. As a child I worked so hard to be a good caring persona and copying what nice people do. I didn't want to be a bad person.

I think the reason why lot of us take offense to this is because we are being compared to psychopathy and psychopathy is a horrible condition to have despite the similarities. TBH I have felt like a psychopath before.

With what truth? That Aspies are abusive? Are you abusive? Lately it looks like you keep defending people who stigmatise aspies.

She now has a section of that blogpost where she's posting "hateful" comments against us. Only, the one example posted so far, I don't see how it's that hateful. I mean really, saying that we don't have "empathy" has become good clever way to dismiss our feelings,

"You aren't showing empathy for our situation"

"What do you know about empathy, you have Asperger's so you don't have any"

So basically, when we say anything about our feelings or how we don't feel understood, it can be dismissed as us not knowing what we're talking about because we don't know what "empathy" is. Regardless of how she felt she was treated by someone in the past with AS, her blogpost still does not show understanding or empathy for people on the spectrum, so it actually goes both ways.

A quote from her blogpost:

Yes, also stigmatising a mental disorder is GREAT way to get people with said disorder to reveal that information. Responding to her outrage at us suggesting that actually, she's the one with no empathy, it's clearly displayed here that her gift of empathy is so great that she doesn't have a clue as to how a blogpost describing how horrible we are, how bad we are, and how badly we will hurt anyone who get's involved with us and that they should avoid us, will in any way discourage us from telling anyone that we have AS. It's all just because we don't think it's significant. Of course I think it's significant but if there's a stigma around it and if you believe that people will judge you simply for having ASD then surely it's common sense that you'd be reluctant to advertise it to everyone you meet due to the stigma.

I listened to her perspective and she wrote in what way how me may unintentionally harm someone and she write exactly why like unawareness of feelings, not understanding, being dismissive due to not understanding, are you saying we don't do these things?
If she wants someone to "truly" care about her feelings than just accepting and being a good listener (based on one of her responses to one of her ASD comments), then that is incompatibility there between her and someone.

Getting mad at her for this is just going to prove her point how we "lack it" and would her post be any less offensive if she left out the word psychopathy and didn't compare the two for similarities in behavior?

Good thing my ex was a narcissist. Now I am glad he wasn't aspie because that means I won't be one of them. Maybe she should diagnose her ex as a narcissist or a psychopath and there problem solved. Now she won't be a hater and she is a victim now of abuse. I always refused to say my ex was "aspie" when I would talk about him and his abuse because I didn't want to be hateful about people with AS.

People on ASPartners should change the name to Narcpartners or PsycoPartners or AbusePartners.

If your partner is abusive, they were a narcissist then like I suggested to elkclan once about her husband because he seems to fit too many she has written.

And I also don't tell people about my AS either.

I wrote a longer response to this:

https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.co ... 2/09/1373/

I like your response. However, by any chance did you try to comment on that blog because apparently, she saw the post I made on WP and then updated her blogpost to say that I apparently deliberately misquoted her to get people upset (and I'm a "she" apparently):



So, I got offended by her psychopath AS comparison and had a little rant about it on WP. That full quote is actually no better and no less offensive when read it in context. Especially in the context of a whole bloody blogpost describing how features that she apparently sees in people with AS are somehow similar to features that she sees psychopaths. So, this accusation is actually disingenuous. Also speaking of misquoting, she actually did exactly the same thing on her blogpost in quoting other people that she accused me of doing just in order to portray aspies as well as the entire autistic community and the neurodiversity movement the way she wants to. To give some examples, also within some surrounding paragraphs to give the original context in which they were quoted:



So, to answer the original question, actually, the reason why there aren't many similar things written online about accepting psychopaths is because, unlike us, they are actually considered a menace to society, considering that there's a higher propensity for them than the general population to commit violent crimes, manipulate others etc. Also, do you know where thas quote comes from? It comes from the blogpost of an actual confessed sociopath, as though that would be a reliable source of information about AS. I don't understand what the purpose of quoting from there is, other than to try and portray us as highly menacing. A confessed sociopath trying to compare himself to an aspie is hardly an unbiased source, not to mention that what is said in the quote is nowhere near accurate, especially if you look at the academic literature. As for some actual misquotes or quotes dishonestly taken out of context, here's one



I was actually curious to see where this came because while AS can cause some problems in relationships, most, as far as I'm aware, aren't so bad that you have to fear expressing any kind of emotion. So, I googled it. As it turns out, that is actually not the case because in the same blogpost that this quote was taken from, as well as in a comment the original blogger made to the blogpost, this woman actually states that she does share he feelings with her husband and he does listen. They just had to work out when to do it at the right time. In fact, from the same blogpost that the quote was taken from, this is also stated:



It's also worth noting that this is only one aspie and not all AS/NT relationships look like this, that AS person a problem with exploding and yelling at his partner when they show emotions that they can't deal with at that specific time. In fact, most probably aren't. Notice that I'm not in anyway condoning the behaviour (which I agree does look abusive and good on her for not accepting it), I'm just curious as to why in a blogpost claiming that we can't offer any empathy and can't meet the emotional needs of others has to quote from a blog that contradicts this statement. Here's the original blogpost it was quoted from:

http://aspiewifeandmom.blogspot.co.za/2015/10/speaking-of-consequences.html

She then goes on to quote something else from the same blog:



Well, that sounds completely horrible and I'd also advise someone in that position to leave the relationship. However, quoting this here is completely dishonest and I'll explain why in just a minute. You see this blogpost was posted in October 2013, at a time when her husband did not have a diagnosis, did not accept that he had AS, and they had not yet been for couples counselling. Since the time that this blogpost was made, he got an official diagnosis, they apparently went for couples counselling and their relationship no longer looks like this at all, as she is now able to share her feelings with him and get her emotional needs met. So, this problem has actually since been fixed due to couples therapy. Again, I'm not condoning the behaviour but you'd think that you quote something like this you'd also need to provide the full context.

I'm also curious though, if you google for blogs about being NT Partners of aspies, the majority of them are either more positive than this, though sometimes describing a few issues or they are written by people who are intending to leave the relationship or have left. Therefore, in order to of found that one, she must of specifically googled for blogs that encourage people to stay in apparently abusive relationships. In reality though, it's extremely rare that you'll find anything online that specifically encourages people to stay in abusive relationships. Even those sites that give "tips" on how to be in a relationship with an aspie, which she is so angry about don't ever say this. (In fact they almost always say the opposite if someone asks the question, that AS is not an excuse for abuse.) The goal here is easy to see, that she wants to portray aspies as the same as or similar to psychopaths (or to make her happy, that our effects on other people are the same) as well as to discredit positive sites that encourage mutual understanding (which she blames on the 'neurodiversity lobby') by portraying them as trying to encourage people to stay in abusive relationships by any means necessary, even if it is by quoting unreliable sources and quoting-mining people. Trouble is, since she couldn't find a single site that actively encourages people to put up with abuse, she decided to quote from a personal blog by someone who describes something that is not necessarily typical of AS/NT relationships.



First of all, I'm not a "she". Secondly, gee wiz, now look who's talking. What I've seen from her side is actually taking a quote from the blog of a confessed sociopath in order to make it look like we're similar to sociopaths (and it even says as much in the quote). Plus since she wants to portray the autistic community as condoning relationship abuse and yet couldn't find a single example of it, she quotes from a personal blog that isn't necessarily reflective of all relationships with high functioning autistics all in the name of portraying us as some kind of monsters and to "warn" people to stay away from us. There is actually some more dishonesty on her blogpost but I can't provide a full response like League-Girl did because I don't have a blog.

From what I know, A psychopath is capable of being very charming and manipulating people to an expert degree, because although they lack empathy they are capable of faking it superbly.

I am often not trusted by others, seem to lack charm, and couldn't manipulate anyone(though I have been myself), and although I am not good at empathizing based on outward signs, when I know how much someone else is suffering I can't bear it. I cried hysterically when I upset someone recently, though it took 4 days for me to realize what I had done.


We are not like psychopaths, we are almost their opposite. This is typical of the mischaracterization we have to put up with.

Having said that, we as people are capable of being A***holes as much as anyone else. So This writer may have found one of the bad ones. No one said we were saints.

Psychopaths KNOW what they are doing to someone emotionally. They get off on it. Their lack of empathy is total, they just don't care at all.

All my life I have been kicked about by others it was the only way I could deal with life.

Now I realize it is simply the nature of normal people to be manipulative, domineering and predatory.

Psychopaths are hyper-normal.

She is basing her arguments on quotes from one researcher, a sample size of one, and her own (surely, unbiased? ) personal understanding of her experience with dating one guy with Aspergers.

I do not find her arguments persuasive or convincing.

Ok, after attempting to read through that entire diatribe, it's quickly become clear that this person didn't bother to do any real research and deliberately cherry picked sources to support their view. What is being talked about in this blog post is something that only affects a small handful of people with AS. Most aspies can in fact feel empathy just fine, however they are not necessarily good at conveying it. Where a lot of the problem comes in is with two way communication, especially when one of the people is NT. Keep in mind that NTs are just as bewildering to NDs as vice versa.

A psychopath or sociopath however is incapable of feeling empathy and functional sociopaths usually have to stick to a rigid set of routines and rules to keep them from running afoul of society's norms as well as be watched routinely by a caretaker to make sure they don't slip. This of course does not mean that being a sociopath automatically makes someone a horrible person. It like ASD is a major problem and one society has little knowledge nor desire thereof to combat these days.

All in all this blog post is a bunch of click bait tripe as the author clearly doesn't know what they are talking about.