What's the best way to fake eye contact?

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ResilientBrilliance
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02 Jan 2016, 2:03 pm

I've heard that looking at someone's nose will look like eye contact. Idk I'm kinda skeptical of that. Has anyone had someone ask why they're staring at their nose? Lol
I would think looking at the forehead would be better but what do I know lol.



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02 Jan 2016, 2:11 pm

Look at their hair, ears, lips, nose ... switch back and forth often.

Another way is to "defocus" your eyes and look past them.

If you're far-sighted (like I am), then just remove your glasses and look somewhere toward the top of the big blur in front of you.


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slw1990
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02 Jan 2016, 3:40 pm

You could also try looking between their eyes.



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02 Jan 2016, 5:16 pm

I always look at people's noses or mouths and no one has ever taken offence.

Do a test. Get a close friend or family member to have a conversation with you, but only have them look at your nose and see if you notice. It might be easier for you to look at their eyes during this test because you'll know they are not actually looking back at your eyes during this conversation and that way you will see what other's are seeing when you look at their nose.



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03 Jan 2016, 6:03 am

I have taken to either positioning the top frame of my glasses across their eyes and looking at that, or looking over my glasses in their direction (legally blind without my glasses). Ironically, people often tell me they're shocked I'm autistic because I "make eye contact." I guess it works a little too well.


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littlecatinthewindow
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03 Jan 2016, 6:22 pm

I usually just keep my head up and my eyes down or at the side. No one seems to notice. Or if they do, they don't say anything about it. Even people who don't have Aspergers can be uncomfortable with it. I don't like eye contact. In fact, I don't like to even look at people's faces when they talk. I don't like seeing people's mouths moving too much, or it can look funny after a while, and it's not an appropriate time for laughing.



Kajin
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03 Jan 2016, 7:00 pm

I very rarely even notice that I'm not making eye contact. Most people don't seem to be too upset with me that I don't. Whenever I do look people in the eyes it's usually because I'm wearing my "Business Face", or any of the other predefined sets of actions and responses I assume whenever I'm operating under a specific role like engaging with customers or interviewing prospective renters.

If I try to force eye contact when I don't have that "face" on I tend to get really flustered or am unable to respond properly. Tends to happen when I get caught by surprise and fumble for the proper context with which to conduct my actions. It's all about the mood I put myself in, rather than any sort of technique for maintaining eye contact.

Really, you probably shouldn't be listening to me >.<
Everyone else here has much better things to say.



Magi
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03 Jan 2016, 8:34 pm

I think the right question would be "How do I not make eye contact and not seem strange?"



ResilientBrilliance
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03 Jan 2016, 8:38 pm

Fnord wrote:
Look at their hair, ears, lips, nose ... switch back and forth often.

Another way is to "defocus" your eyes and look past them.

If you're far-sighted (like I am), then just remove your glasses and look somewhere toward the top of the big blur in front of you.

I don't know if looking past them will work. I remember in high school I was talking with my "friends" at lunch, and I looked in the general direction of one of them. They made a big deal of how I had stared into space instead of looking at her. :|



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05 Jan 2016, 6:38 am

ResilientBrilliance wrote:
What's the best way to fake eye contact?

Sunglasses.

Why are you trying to avoid eye contact?


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ResilientBrilliance
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05 Jan 2016, 7:41 pm

Idealist wrote:
ResilientBrilliance wrote:
What's the best way to fake eye contact?

Sunglasses.

Why are you trying to avoid eye contact?


That's a tough question. I'd like to know the answer myself. Eye contact is unnatural and uncomfortable to me, I guess because I lack the social tools for eye contact, facial expressions, etc. When I DO make eye contact with people, they give me the most bizarre look which only makes me want to avoid it more.
I've been practicing looking at my nose and smiling on video. I'm gonna keep practicing both at home and with every single person I talk to.



Kajin
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05 Jan 2016, 8:40 pm

Maybe try and get into the habit of only maintaining eye contact when you're speaking to them? When you're listening, look away and examine your surroundings, but as soon as you start speaking to them again you turn and face them and make eye contact again. That seems like a good way to go about it, I think.



Lilia
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06 Jan 2016, 4:47 am

Hi

I'm a mother to an awesome boy of eight who struggles with making eye contact. It makes me sad to see how that isolates him from his peers, because they think he isn't interested in contact. I would very much like your advise as to how I can motivate him to learn how fake eye contact (and use it).

As a neurotypical person I think fnord gave the best advise. Looking at other parts of the face is probably the best way to fake eye contact I think. But it's also important to make little short brakes, because a continuous stare (even a fake one) will often be felt as aggresive. If you need a little longer brake I think the best timing for that is when it's your time to start talking, because it's quite common that the eye glides to the side for a moment when thinking through what to respond to the other person before starting to talk. It is more important to keep eye contact when the other person talks because it signales interest in what they are saying (which is smart to do even if your not that interested, because it strengthens your bond to that person). Looking to the side or down and sunglasses (unless it's really bright outside) will often be felt as lack of interest.

It's a little depressing to see how much eye contact has to say when it comes to bonding with other people. I have a daugther who was born blind, and even when the reason for the lack of eye contact is so obvious as in her case it still causes other children to turn away from her faster than they do with her twin sister.



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06 Jan 2016, 11:51 am

Take a photo of each of your eyes open. Print said photo. Get a pair of reading glasses and tape each one of your eye photos to the corresponding side. You can now fake looking at someone in the eyes.



OmegaWolf86
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11 Jan 2016, 11:35 am

For me it depends on the person, but I can usually fake it by looking at the nose. Sometimes cheekbones if they're defined enough. It sort of also depend on the intensity of their stare. For example my boss has a [i]very[i] direct, sort of intimidating gaze although he doesn't mean to, and as a result I have a hard to making even facial contact. He at least seems to understand this though.



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11 Jan 2016, 1:43 pm

I did exercises with a therapist to descensitise the reaction to direct eye gaze. I can explain the process. You need someone to help.

Important thing is don't constantly look them in the eyes (faked or not). Use it as a confirmation you have hear what they are said, then look away slowly and slightly to to the side.

The way to fake eye contact is to focus on the bridge of the nose or just above the eyes. Alternatively look towards their eyes but don't focus on the specific point but peripheral vision. However you have to fake your body language too.