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Feeling undatable

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i_wanna_blue
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24 Feb 2016, 5:25 pm

AsahiPto17 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
there are worse things than being a hermit.


As long as you've got an internet connection and a decent computer being a hermit is okay :p


True. I've interacted with some good folks via the web. I would have gone mad if I didn't have some complete stranger, from the other side of the world to type to. :P



auntblabby
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24 Feb 2016, 5:27 pm

viva la web :bounce:



AR15000
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24 Feb 2016, 6:11 pm

slw1990 wrote:
AR15000 wrote:
Even if it attracts the wrong sort of guys, getting attention from men for a person like slw1990 that is positive will really boost her self-esteem by making her feel more attractive. It IS a start. Men are primarily visual creatures and what grabs our attention is someone we think looks good.


I got that kind of attention from some of the guys that I had met on dating sites and it mostly just makes me feel uncomfortable. If I attract the wrong kind of guys then it wouldn't really help with attracting the kind of guys that I like either. I made posts about it on this thread, but I guess they got buried.



Well I'm not talking about posting pics like that on dating sites. But dressing like that IRL if you're so inclined because for some women, being looked at as someone who is desirable, even by people you're not interested in dating, is a ego boost but suit yerself.



kraftiekortie
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24 Feb 2016, 7:38 pm

SLW: I'm pretty sure that, some day, you'll attract the "right" kind of guy. Maybe even sooner than "some day!"



slw1990
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25 Feb 2016, 1:20 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
SLW looks like the Mona Lisa!


Lol, thank you. :)



slw1990
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11 Jul 2016, 4:18 pm

I joined a dating site a few months ago and I feel a little weird about joining now. Some of the people on that site want to meet up with me and I feel like if I met them I might make them really uncomfortable. Most days I feel like I give off these vibes that cause people to target and be creeped out by me and I don't know what to do about it.



auntblabby
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11 Jul 2016, 4:29 pm

slw1990 wrote:
I joined a dating site a few months ago and I feel a little weird about joining now. Some of the people on that site want to meet up with me and I feel like if I met them I might make them really uncomfortable. Most days I feel like I give off these vibes that cause people to target and be creeped out by me and I don't know what to do about it.

can you describe what sorts of specific behaviors would contribute to this outcome?



slw1990
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11 Jul 2016, 4:34 pm

auntblabby wrote:
can you describe what sorts of specific behaviors would contribute to this outcome?


I have a soft childish voice. Also, when I walk I usually stand up straight and move my arms back and forth, but it doesn't look natural.



The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Jul 2016, 4:38 pm

slw, check my conversation with Chrono here, it is very relevant to your case too: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=322903&start=255


Sorry in advance, but I don't like to sugarcoat the obvious, even toward myself.



auntblabby
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11 Jul 2016, 4:44 pm

slw1990 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
can you describe what sorts of specific behaviors would contribute to this outcome?


I have a soft childish voice. Also, when I walk I usually stand up straight and move my arms back and forth, but it doesn't look natural.

a distinctive gait and odd prosody are two hallmarks of being on the spectrum. it is not a crime. other people can like it or lump it. the most important thing for you to remember, is that this is all a numbers game. there are not too many other folk like us compared to the world full of NTs. we have to be more patient than others, in order to give somebody else like us a proper chance to eventually bump into us.



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11 Jul 2016, 11:13 pm

slw1990 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
can you describe what sorts of specific behaviors would contribute to this outcome?


I have a soft childish voice. Also, when I walk I usually stand up straight and move my arms back and forth, but it doesn't look natural.

If you're not comfortable with who you are there's no way your date is going to be comfortable with you either. Your voice and your walk are things you can't change so don't even think about them-- they are non-issues for you and they will be for the guy you end up with as well. There's about a 5% chance your date brings up either issue unless you mention it, and for that 5% chance just script a response. If you go into a date thinking about those issues then you're going to have a hard time interacting because your focus will be in covering your "flaws" rather than learning about your date. If you're not even willing to go on a date because of doubts about those issues then you absolutely have to overcome that issue if you want to reach the next level of the game.



auntblabby
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11 Jul 2016, 11:19 pm

keep this thought front and center: "be who you are and say what you feel, because the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter."



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12 Jul 2016, 12:07 pm

slw1990 wrote:
I joined a dating site a few months ago and I feel a little weird about joining now. Some of the people on that site want to meet up with me and I feel like if I met them I might make them really uncomfortable. Most days I feel like I give off these vibes that cause people to target and be creeped out by me and I don't know what to do about it.


Have you tried meeting anyone from online to see how it would go? You might be surprised to see how the other person comes off, and that they might actually be the one giving off weird vibes more than you ever could.


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wowiexist
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13 Jul 2016, 8:58 pm

I would think it would be cute for a girl to have a soft, childish voice.



auntblabby
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13 Jul 2016, 9:00 pm

slw1990 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
can you describe what sorts of specific behaviors would contribute to this outcome?


I have a soft childish voice. Also, when I walk I usually stand up straight and move my arms back and forth, but it doesn't look natural.

that reminds me of Marilyn Monroe and her soft breathy young voice.



slw1990
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13 Jul 2016, 9:03 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
slw, check my conversation with Chrono here, it is very relevant to your case too: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=322903&start=255


Sorry in advance, but I don't like to sugarcoat the obvious, even toward myself.


That sounds like how my experiences irl usually are. If someone does approach me I can't always tell whether they are flirting, making fun of me or just being friendly.