Am I dealing with an Aspie male?

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Hi just having some major issues posting - the post keeps vanishing after I do the recapcha check section.

Just testing here now.

Last edited by AnxietyStreet on 08 Feb 2016, 7:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sorry, it won't let me post anything longer than a few lines so I will post in separate parts.

Since the day we met over a year ago, I am constantly feeling anxious, on edge, worried, stressed out, irritated - I just can’t relax with this man.

He is currently doing a PHD, he is very good at maths and science, loves playing computer games all day, very funny guy - no doubt about it he is smart but there are so many things that concern me. I will list the traits in a separate post.

Last edited by AnxietyStreet on 08 Feb 2016, 8:49 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Please let me know if these are Aspergery traits:

He was way too honest about private things on date 1

There has been no effort on dates, no planning, he is never on time, an hour late, three hours early with no warning, cancels at the time he is meant to be arriving, very forgetful, very unreliable, seems lazy and oblivious. There is just no effort at all.

He makes bad decisions so he is late, he says he will bring stuff for bbq or what not then doesn't etc. When I handed him the meat to start cooking on bbq he whined "Why do I have to do it?" He forgets that I am picking him up and then was about to drive to pick me up.

I invited him to a family easter lunch and he forgot and then made other plans.

There are a lot of stories about immature or crazy things he has done over the years that he thinks are quite funny but really make me worry.

If I go to his place, the second I arrive he puts on cartoon after cartoon without even asking me what I want to watch. He never has a dinner plan and there are no dinner options for miles and miles from his place.

He likes cartoons, video games, he just bought some pokemon playing cards. He is nearly 40 yrs old. I often feel like I am dealing with teenager level maturity but he is an absolute genius in other ways.

Last edited by AnxietyStreet on 08 Feb 2016, 8:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.

He has bad communication. He never calls, he rarely answers calls, I get one or two word responses via chat. If we are talking about serious issues he has one line confusing vague responses. I often have to ask him the same thing 3 times before he responds with a two word response. I get very frustrated.

He has written inappropriate status update about having 'angry sex'. I asked if he would say this at work too and he said yes.

The sex has no affection or connection.

He is clumsy and accident prone - all the time. Always tripping, breaking things, cutting himself, staining things.
He seems oblivious to so much going on around him and says things that make me think he has no concept of the real world – seems so focused on his study and that is that.

There have been two major situations in the last month where anyone else would check in or take the time to call and comfort me. My closest friends really made an effort to cheer me up. He did not bother to ask how it was going just seemed oblivious to the whole situation.

Last week I noticed he kept liking a certain girls photos on FB as I saw her photos a few times on my newsfeed. I asked him how he knew her. I didn’t really care just curious.

He got defensive and told me he’s never met her. I didn’t ask anything else. We continued chatting about other things – the next day I asked how he knew her if they’ve never met. He didn’t respond, just ignored all day so I asked again. He told me it was none of my business, that I was stalking him and that I have accused him of being deceptive. (?!)

I just changed the topic and started talking about different topics and he was responding ‘normally’.
The next day I noticed he had deleted me off facebook.

I guess it's possible

But it's definitely not definite.

Have you ever broached the subject of Asperger's with him?

I wish I was going for a PhD!

I feel bad that you feel that he doesn't feel an emotional connection to you. Make sure the man respects you.

When I noticed he had deleted me completely out of the blue - I asked him wth was up with that? He told me that I was because of the 'repeated crap' about his friends, I was ‘acting all crazy’ and ‘acting like a jealous highschool girl’ so he deleted me.

This was seriously about me asking how he knew someone - I literally have never asked about anyone else (besides general chit chat about his best friends and family).

He is now stonewalling – won’t respond, won’t talk, won’t pick up the phone, no communication. This is exactly what he did last time. So I think he majorly misinterpreted a situation and refuses to talk about it.

Last edited by AnxietyStreet on 08 Feb 2016, 11:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Sorry for the multiple posts it just won't let me post anything unless it's in smaller chunks.

Perhaps, it's all for the best.

KraftieKortie

For the last year I keep wondering what is up with all of this?! I got fed up with the stonewalling /ignoring this weekend and I mentioned that I am fed up, constantly feeling anxious and let down and I am wondering if this is Asperger behaviour. Of course no reply.

Another thing he does is goes into a lot of longgggg elaborate detail about the mechanics of something or other – with no real concept that the person he is talking to has absolutely no idea what he is talking about. So I sort of sit there waiting for him to finish while having no clue what he is talking about.

This doesn't seem like a particularly good situation for you.

If I were in your situation, I'd probably run for the hills.

Yes I do feel great relief right now but it's such a shame because when we do finally hang out he is absolutely hilarious and I have a good time. It's the difficult bad communication and vague forgetful stuff in between that I can't deal with anymore.

He brings out the worst in me because I get so irritated. When I go on other dates it feels like a relief - everything flows normally, the guy makes an effort, has good ideas etc.

Last edited by AnxietyStreet on 08 Feb 2016, 7:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's possible that he has Asperger's Syndrome, but not everyone with Asperger's Syndrome has similar behavior to him. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. I'm an aspie myself and I wouldn't take that behavior whatsoever. If you have any questions you don't want to ask in the forum, you're welcome to PM me.

Thanks GoofyGoobers, much appreciated, I will message you if I have any more personal questions

None of what you listed stands out as Aspergers traits.

But he's clearly selfish, unpredictable, immature, and careless in regards to your feelings. After only a year you're seeing this many redflags; I'd advise moving on.