New here and not sure if I belong or not

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Hello. I'm 55, female, married 19 years, and have a 13 year old daughter.

My daughter has a Specific Learning Disability in the area of Oral Expression, ADD, Anxiety, a little OCD, and extreme social difficulties. Her psychologist says she is HFA.

So, autism becomes my next special interest. I can become a pseudo-expert in anything, just ask my husband. He really gets tired of what ever my current "thing" is. In my research to learn if my daughter is HFA, I see myself in almost everything I read. I begin to wonder if she caught it from me? Not in a genetic way because she is adopted but from living with me, growing up with me, could she have just picked up my quirks and maybe I'm the one that's autistic?

Although that's an interesting thought, I really don't think so because my husband is as "normal" as they get. A real man's man. Everybody loves him. He has tons of friends. He can talk to anyone for hours and they to him and a good time is had by all.

I'm sure I am an Aspie. I started talking early and never shut up. Every report card I got from K-6 says "talks too much." Straight A's but only satisfactory in Citizenship because I always "talked too much." I loved math, numbers fascinated me, they still do. I love math. It works. I like physics too. Nobody ever told me I was a genius or anything but I am very intelligent.

I would say I am high functioning if everything is set up and all organized but when things aren't I do not do well. I do not do stress well. I am very easily overwhelmed. I relieved my stress with alcohol for many years but haven't drank for over 15 years. Now that I don't drink, I have meltdowns when things are not right. 55 years old and I have meltdowns, like a three year old. My daughter doesn't have meltdowns, she shuts down.

I don't do well with friendships. I say the wrong thing without realizing it a lot and my friendships don't last long. It's ok by me because I like to be alone.

The eye contact thing. I have no idea what "normal" eye contact is. Do people not on the spectrum have to worry about if they are doing eye contact correctly?

There are so many things about life I did not understand until I got them wrong and was told. Now, I look back and they are things that should have been obvious. You know, those unsaid things that people figure out for themselves.

I need my routine and I need my alone time and I need things to be in order. Do not touch my things.

I have wicked ADD but I can also hyper-focus. So, I can do one thing but you better leave me alone while I do it.

So, I think autism couldexplain why my life has not gone as smoothly as I would have anticipated. Why I look at the people I know and wonder how they work, keep their house clean, and cook, and have time to do other things, and I don't work and can't manage to do any one of those things successfully? I am not unintelligent, just inept.

I will probably be sorry I wrote all this because I must have said something wrong but that's ok.

You have said nothing wrong so don't worry about it, welcome to WP!

It is not possible for your adopted daughter to have "caught" an ASD from you because its something that is genetically inherited. However it is of course possible your daughter has autism as well but inherited from her biological parents. Maybe she did pick up habits from you like every kid does for his/her parents.

No worries at all, and welcome. I was diagnosed in my late 50's, and it has been really helpful for me.

Welcome to WP! Your story is very interesting. I have meltdowns too, and have trouble with friendships. I never talked a lot, in fact the exact opposite. Anyway, best wishes to you and your daughter.

Hey neverknew welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Holy carp! Are we twins? Except the talking too much;) lol But seriously, we are one in the same. I will receive my official review tomorrow morning at the age of 39yrs. I'll let you know what they say because, literally, we must be related.

another one, YAY

Hi and welcome

I only heard of autism because of my children, once I started to learn about autism, especially Aspergers, I became quite upset that all these years I felt I never fitted in, now Aspergers explains everything. I now accept I'm different, I now accept being in social situations makes me feel very uncomfortable because of my Aspergers. Even though over the years I've learnt to act normal. Just really wears me out.

I go into very busy art galleries weekly and say hello to people. I just don't stick around for too long, there's always the excuse I must go to the next gallery down the road.

Anyway let's hope now you begging to get some ways of coping with the problems you face, I found mindfulness works for me

Ahhhh it won't let me edit my post.

Let's hope you're beginning to find ways of coping.

I didn't mean begging! Silly iPhone auto correct does make blindingly obvious misjudgements

I will do a post in the near future but ASD and ADHD are my diagnosis.

Do you live near a big college? I did my testing there at no cost to me. It's a part of the psychiatry department.

I still can't believe there is another me out there;) lol

I will have to see if the college here would do that.

I am more sure today than I was when I wrote the original post.

When I filled out the ADI-R for my daughter's diagnosis it made me think about my early childhood. I think I didn't know that my daughter didn't do imaginative play because I didn't do imaginative play in my childhood.

I loved my Barbies. I took good care of them. I loved their outfits. I took them all out and put them all away. Getting the dresses hung up correctly and everything put back right was the object of the game.

I have always said I was born in the wrong century because I don't fit here.

I am going to persue getting a formal diagnosis. I think it will help me to feel comfortable in my own skin. I spent a lot of time drinking and I've been sober a long time. I'm tired of hearing people say they quit drinking and now they can live life on life's terms. I'm pretty sure they don't have the occasional meltdown.

That's not to say I having a diagnosis would make it ok for me to drink. It would just stop me from comparing myself to others and coming up short.

59 y. o. here who figured out i'm an aspie while researching it when my nephew was diagnosed.