Don't feel like I am *like* other autistic people

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Me neither. When I first joined WP, I expected to find more special interests/obsessions people. Special interests/obsessions have always been my main AS/Autistic trait and I assumed other autistic people would be as well. I've only come across a few special interests/obsessions posts here, and most of them were created by me. I never came with the intention of making friends, I learned a LONG time ago that friendship just isn't for me. But every other post here it seems is about how someone can't make friends.

I knew an autistic girl in primary school (long before I was diagnosed) who honestly annoyed the hell out of me some days. The teacher insisted on pairing us up for everything and I never understood why, we were nothing alike.

Now I know that we did in fact have autism in common, but she wasn't very high functioning. She was held back a few years academically and she didn't engage much socially. At break times she would follow me around and mimic what I said, but never said much for herself. Ultimately it's a spectrum and there are going to be differences between us.

I should feel bad for how much she annoyed me (I try to feel bad) but I find feeling empathy hard, even though I can see its logical basis. I was never mean to her, I internalised it, but I would still like to say: sorry Eve. I get it now.

Are you in Namibia, Meerkat?

Reasons I feel I am not like other autistic people:

- they often have interests in certain video games or movies or other franchises. My interests are more about thinking about things in my head, so it's hard to talk about them.
- they are often confident and outgoing and relaxed in social situations. I am not.
- I don't have too many sensory issues.
- My meltdowns are based on certain things people say that upset me, not on sensory overload. No one else seems to get upset over those things.
- I like pop music and don't hate reality shows and celebrity culture. I'm just not very cynical in general.
- I don't like to think of people as superficial or shallow or anything else. I also don't like to judge people on their spelling and grammar or their tastes in media or things like that.

I've never felt connected in that way with the other autistic kids I've been in school with. Why would I? We're all different.

have not met anybody remotely like myself. wish that it was not so.

To be honest, if I met myself (and did not know it), I'm not so sure I would like me.

Why? Well, we'd both be opinionated, blunt, both of us would have incoming and outgoing communications issues.

Sooooo, not so sure I want to meet another me at all......

I think if I met me i'd like me.

I don't think a lot of Autistics are often confident, outgoing and relaxed in social situations. At least not the ones I know of anyway.

And I don't think pop music is an indicator. Everyone likes whatever music he or she likes.

I have tons of meltdowns because of things people say. My headbang meltdowns are usually always conversationally based. I have meltdowns all the time because of things people say that upset me.

Yes, I feel very similar to this. For me, I received my official diagnosis a few weeks ago. What has made feel this way is that I do not have the outward physical characteristics that some Aspies display. But when I compare myself with the testimonies of other Aspies about the cognitive aspects and how they create deficits in my life I have found that this is where our common bond is located. For me, I am in the process of my own acceptance phase. I even asked my Psychologist who did my assessment if she was absolutely sure....and she replied "about as sure as I can be".

My Psychologist gave me this as a way to help with my acceptance phase....
think of all the people with Autism as going to the same high school. ( This is your tribe so to speak) Now, you are in the cafeteria and you are trying to figure out what group you are going to sit down and have lunch with.
For me it made a lot of sense and I am still figuring out who within my tribe I will relate to and who will relate to me.
Kins Regards Shark

That's because you are an adorable teddy bear Blabby.

thank you Skibum

That is a very cool way to think of it. Love your avatar by the way.

I sometimes feel different than most people with autism/aspergers as well. I'm more sporty, more extroverted, more impulsive. I also have ADHD pretty bad so my ability to pay attention and self-regulate is pretty delayed. And iv'e come to realize that it's not that I don't have autism, it just affects me differently than some people. Because i'm often impulsive, because I do and say stupid things because I think it's funny, because I had problems controlling my emotions particularly anger and sadness, and because I was a bit of a rebel and didn't like to necessarily follow rules, I had a lot of behavior problems in school and I often never realized how my behavior was making others feel about me. I was blind to others peoples feelings of me and I still am to a certain extent.

In school and at work, I was seen as the funny crazy guy and I was okay with this initially because this was my way of being liked and feeling that I belonged. But the problem was that nobody took me seriously, my bosses never took me seriously, women never took me seriously. I remember having an intellectual conversation with somebody and them remarking "geez you're smarter that you make yourself out to be." It eventually got to the point where I just got tired of bosses always treating me as less than equal, and teachers disliking me, and women ignoring me that I wanted to do something about it!

I used to be in denial about having autism, I liked to pretend I didn't have it because deep down, I hated the fact that I was autistic. It's why I never told anyone, it was like my biggest secret. To me, autism was synonymous with undateable, unlikeable, an outcast, and that's what I didn't want to be. I wanted to have friends, I wanted to have a girlfriend, I wanted to be liked.

I remember reading an article about a girl in the UK who committed suicide at the age of 16 because she hated being autistic and that story strongly resonated with me because when I was 14 to 16, I HATED being autistic as well and all I wanted was to fit in. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... utism.html

It just seems like some--not all--of the autistic people I know are that way.

Agreed, it just seems like a lot of Aspies don't like it.

Well, yes. It's just that no one seems to get upset over the specific things that upset me.

I would like to meet another maths/logics-challenged aspie much like meself