Alexithymia? Help!! !
01 May 2016, 8:34 pm
Hi. Sorry if this isn't in the right forum.
While I had a long term job I would always end up in the ER thinking I was ill. I was always told that it was my anxiety. I must have had nearly 100 visits like that. Now that I don't work these things have stopped for the most part. I was recently admitted into the hospital for depression and it happened to me there too. Anxiety being mistaken for illness. The staff had to tell me I was just anxious, but it never FELT like I was most of the time.
I've read Alexithymia can coexist with ASD as a personality characteristic (if my understanding is correct)
I was wondering if there is a way to correct it? Any therapies?
I am seeing my therapist soon but am asking so that I can maybe give her suggestions.
I tried telling my old therapist I have the issue of not being able to distinguish feelings from illness and she said I was "too intelligent to have that problem".
I want to work full time but I hate this issue! It's completely disrupting to my life.
_________________
“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”
― Mary Anne Radmacher
01 May 2016, 8:49 pm
I'm pretty sure I have it. I can't think of things to describe anything unless I've seen something that expresses it, and I remember that.
Or, I have to use examples. I've been hammered by therapists before about not being able to express certain things. It's not easy. And, it's hard to get people to understand because, well, we're not able to really express it, are we?
I'm not diagnosed yet with that. They haven't observed me long enough yet. I'm pretty sure it's on the horizon. I would be surprised if not. But, it could also be another communication issue.
Whatever my thing is, I do understand your frustrations. I don't know anything yet. If I do, I'll try to post something.
_________________
Diagnosed April 14, 2016
ASD Level 1 without intellectual impairments.
RAADS-R -- 213.3
FQ -- 18.7
EQ -- 13
Aspie Quiz -- 186 out of 200
AQ: 42
AQ-10: 8.8
01 May 2016, 9:01 pm
Or, I have to use examples. I've been hammered by therapists before about not being able to express certain things. It's not easy. And, it's hard to get people to understand because, well, we're not able to really express it, are we?
I'm not diagnosed yet with that. They haven't observed me long enough yet. I'm pretty sure it's on the horizon. I would be surprised if not. But, it could also be another communication issue.
Whatever my thing is, I do understand your frustrations. I don't know anything yet. If I do, I'll try to post something.
I guess I am kind of lucky because while I was hospitalized for having bad thoughts and starting to do bad things to myself, one of the doctors told me that those on the spectrum can have this issue. Plus, I was lucky enough to have it happen in front of staff. It was still an awful experience all around and I do not wish to repeat it...
I hope you get some answers.
_________________
“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”
― Mary Anne Radmacher
01 May 2016, 9:03 pm
And I always use external things to figure out my feelings. Mainly music but just started trying to write in a journal.
_________________
“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”
― Mary Anne Radmacher
02 May 2016, 6:42 am
I've had alexithymia since I was sixteen, and have managed to get by okay - but that's ultimately the issue; it's getting by, but in a vague, nebulous, hazy way, completely devoid of hue. My attempts at relationships fail because of my inability to feel or express any semblance of emotion, and when I try, I either drastically misinterpret or am left as blank as ever - 'tabula rasa ad infinitum' seemingly the catchphrase underneath the bordered frame of my life. I only state these things because I hope in delineating so, I express my understanding of what it's like.
Now, you ask if there is any way of correcting it? I cannot say with certainty, however, I believe there are things one can do to work towards ... understanding it, in a sense. I found it very interesting when you mentioned the moment your old therapist commented on your intelligence, because it is precisely intellect I use to manage my way through the shaded quag of alexithymia; logic and reason prove useful tools in interpreting what is otherwise - ostensibly - inherently hollow of essence. This is much easier for us on the Asperger's / high-functioning autism side of things because of our higher IQ levels. However, those of us on the autism spectrum also have another tool that others with alexithymia who are not on the spectrum don't - and the following quote of yours leads on to my point:
We have special interests - and that's not special interests with a capital s, but S.P.E.C.I.A.L interests! And I think combining intellect and interests together we can form a kind of ... ersatz feeling as it were. Venturing into the world of analogy, metaphor, and simile has proved demonstrably beneficial to my alexithymia, because in the very nature of comparison exists a mutual understanding between perception of stimuli and introspective cognition. For instance, when I went through one of my reoccurring states of chess captivation, the analogies and similies came out thick and strong - i.e: 'Battling with depression is like paying chess with one's deeper self - and loosing. It would do one well to slow down and consider every possible move in attempt to win, but when medication is offered or taken, it's comparable to having the game taken away completely, rather than sticking at it. Under such circumstances, the game will still exist, at a distance, and one will be unable to play it - even if one deciphers a game-winning move.'
I think it's a profound amount easier for us on the spectrum to draw comparisons between our interests and the things we struggle to understand ... for instance, there are a great many of us who compare the workings of the mind to that of computers, and the parallels are perfectly syncronised - this can be so according to anyone on the spectrum and their own specific interests ... I believe anyhow.
I write a daily journal too, and the majority of the entries are short, brief, and concise descriptions of the day, which is normally the effect of the vast stressors that tire me out during the day - but I make it a discipline to consider the events and see if I can draw any parallels.
I think this message is getting to long and I cannot be sure I'm expressing myself in an acceptable - or understandable - manner. I'm here if you want to talk about it though.
_________________
People always talk about how they 'lose their train of thought', with me, it's not the singular; my mind is greater comparable to Waterloo Station - with multiple trains coming and going at all times. It's as if I'm standing on a platform, alone, watching this chaos going on, picking out what I can from the residual matter left behind.
02 May 2016, 2:26 pm
If you have a partner or friend, or a family member, who is around you a lot you can have them help you explore how you feel.
My wife does this for me, asking me questions sometimes like "Are you upset, you seem like you might be" and so on.
Good luck - I know it's tough. I've always thought some degree of alexithymia was part and parcel of being autistic.
_________________
Diagnosed Asperger's
02 May 2016, 5:48 pm
Now, you ask if there is any way of correcting it? I cannot say with certainty, however, I believe there are things one can do to work towards ... understanding it, in a sense. I found it very interesting when you mentioned the moment your old therapist commented on your intelligence, because it is precisely intellect I use to manage my way through the shaded quag of alexithymia; logic and reason prove useful tools in interpreting what is otherwise - ostensibly - inherently hollow of essence. This is much easier for us on the Asperger's / high-functioning autism side of things because of our higher IQ levels. However, those of us on the autism spectrum also have another tool that others with alexithymia who are not on the spectrum don't - and the following quote of yours leads on to my point:
We have special interests - and that's not special interests with a capital s, but S.P.E.C.I.A.L interests! And I think combining intellect and interests together we can form a kind of ... ersatz feeling as it were. Venturing into the world of analogy, metaphor, and simile has proved demonstrably beneficial to my alexithymia, because in the very nature of comparison exists a mutual understanding between perception of stimuli and introspective cognition. For instance, when I went through one of my reoccurring states of chess captivation, the analogies and similies came out thick and strong - i.e: 'Battling with depression is like paying chess with one's deeper self - and loosing. It would do one well to slow down and consider every possible move in attempt to win, but when medication is offered or taken, it's comparable to having the game taken away completely, rather than sticking at it. Under such circumstances, the game will still exist, at a distance, and one will be unable to play it - even if one deciphers a game-winning move.'
I think it's a profound amount easier for us on the spectrum to draw comparisons between our interests and the things we struggle to understand ... for instance, there are a great many of us who compare the workings of the mind to that of computers, and the parallels are perfectly syncronised - this can be so according to anyone on the spectrum and their own specific interests ... I believe anyhow.
I write a daily journal too, and the majority of the entries are short, brief, and concise descriptions of the day, which is normally the effect of the vast stressors that tire me out during the day - but I make it a discipline to consider the events and see if I can draw any parallels.
I think this message is getting to long and I cannot be sure I'm expressing myself in an acceptable - or understandable - manner. I'm here if you want to talk about it though.
I cannot say I have a high I.Q. Mine is probably much lower is comparison to my aspie counterparts. I like to think of intelligence as abstract rather than concrete I guess.
I am glad that you found a way to work with your Alexithymia. It's not easy to deal with. I will discuss it all in therapy soon. Thank you for your well thought out and well put response.
_________________
“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”
― Mary Anne Radmacher
02 May 2016, 7:11 pm
My wife does this for me, asking me questions sometimes like "Are you upset, you seem like you might be" and so on.
Good luck - I know it's tough. I've always thought some degree of alexithymia was part and parcel of being autistic.
No. I have no one like that in my home. That's why I was thinking an emotional support dog may help in some sort of way.
I also believe it is part of ASD's!
Thank you and yes it is very tough.
_________________
“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”
― Mary Anne Radmacher
