Aspies with good social skills

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This is interesting!

I would like to throw out two tidbits.

I had a friend that she didn't know she was autistic UNTIL she changed her environment a lot. Turns out people in her environment were extremely accomodating to her and would do things (that she didn't realize b/c autism) to make things easier for her/explained stuff away so that she got along very well and was even pretty popular if not "quirky" and people got along well. But she was kept in a VERY secluded environment that never changed essentially. While this was great for her, when she left it dissipated essentially. She found that although she was very bright and articulate, she couldn't get along else where. HOWEVER, this wasn't an issue for her until she was like 24/25. That's because her family and everyone around her created one hell of an artificial environment (but unfortunately weren't able to generalize these things for her). And there were tiny signs and symptoms before, but she didn't realize it until much later. Also, she is much more mild.
So, there's that.

And for me, I had HUGE problems from the autism, but also this was complicated from other things like I have prosopagnosia and tourettes (very different but had a big impact on me). ALL OF THESE THINGS went unnoticed. I was told I did them on purpose (Hint: I wasn't). I was told all of my tactile issues/ sensory defensiveness etc. was my fault.
So, I would dissociate and I kind of developed a much more NT-like outside personality to deal with the real world. I suppressed almost all my stims and tics (it was very difficult and painful- did I mention painful?? lol)
Also, my mom was very good and insistent at teaching me some social skills and I read a lot to compensate. So, I can (if I want to) mimic very very well (in specific situations).
So compensatory social prowess in adulthood or as a teenager even in the right environment I believe isn't in and of itself indicative enough to refute a diagnosis.

Also, I was talking to my aspie friend about this but- NTs don't have an explicit understanding of their social norms- it's intuitive(!) and easy for them to pick up. Aspies learn the same things explicitly and by consciously taking perspective and memorizing and building on memorization but its time-consuming and (generally) difficult to pick up.
However, I think that if Aspie can basically come to understand (and are motivated and "intelligent" enough) to memorize and throughly the social lexicon and interactive dance and vocabulary - the societal grammar if you will- then you can potentially be much better even than the average NT at being social.
For example, there are a lot of NTs that aren't that great at social norms and stuff that's not utterly basic. Another point is that all of these social norms and socializing are culturally-dependent. So, you won't understand the social norms of another country- and why we have all the cross-cultural issues that we have in the world

So, all this to basically say that just because you are good now at socializing doesn't take the cake so to speak against having an ASD diagnosis.
However, I would say autism, once you know what it really entails, is very easy to spot and get a feel for. If you FEEL autistic then you probably are. If you don't feel autistic- you probably aren't. It's hard to fake autism and visa-versa as so many on WP can attest to (myself included).

I feel like the presentation of ones autism is so intertwined with so many other variables (especially the co-morbids) that it muddies the "clinical" picture of what autism looks like or what people presume it to present as. So that's something to take into consideration as well.

Example, I have Tourettes (which family still manages to magically ignore even when I twitch & spasm quite dramatically and unstoppably in public for minutes lol- the power of denial ) and that makes me seem strange and out of place like autism does, but it's not part of my autism- BUT people might call it stimming even though it is not at all, my tics and stims are totally different & for different reasons .

Although, I disagree a bit that autism HAS to cause serious problems or discomfort or things like that, but I understand that clinically yes for a "proper diagnosis" it usually does.

You don't "sound" too autistic to me- in particular if you feel you don't fit the criteria. But also I think you would need to elaborate a little.

I have good social skills but bear in mind my diagnosis was later in life and in the mean time I swam with the sharks.
I was always seen as slightly odd by people but had plenty of time to accept their social norms and learn to live by them. People with early diagnosis and protective guardians tend not to have this experience and this can hinder their development in the outside world.

If you mean aspies who can sync and conform with NTs, no I don't but I can as an act. I don't hide all my oddities.

If you mean aspies who gets gets along with an average NT, in my case, yes. To be honest, this is rather relative.

If you mean aspies who knows what to say and act instead of how, then yes. It's easy, but it makes me less true.

If you mean aspies who knows how to say things instead of what, yes, half the time.

If you mean aspies who can utilize connections, then yes. Even better than most NTs.

If you mean aspies who can take a hint, nope. I don't take hints, even if I detect one. I insist that they have to be direct to pass the message.

If you mean aspies who can charm people, yes I could. But I wouldn't. Doing so wouldn't be 'me'.


What part of social skills did I missed?

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If you're capable of remembering people, by what they do, rather than what they say, you are a gifted lie detector or judge of moral character.

An excellent recollection of trivia might give you a panic attack, when remembering social stresses. It might keep you awake, for days.

Most people, though, are playing by an internal set of rules, so are reasonably predictable, several steps in advance.

If Aspies march to the beat of a different drum, while in sensory overload, NT's are pedants and creatures of habit, with inertia, but little spontaneity.



(Pardon me. Mainly edited for grammar.)

Aspergers and autism isn't a social disorder it's a neurological disorder that is most apparent in a social and communication area.

Generally difficulty socializing and communicating is a big symptom that is most often present.

Social skills such as manners and social etiquette CAN be learned as can learning simple facial expressions and body language, but it's not inborn.


I would say: it's likely a person diagnosed with aspergers and autism with PERFECT social skills is misdiagnosed.

I'd say I have decent social skills in some settings. I'm 30 years old and I've learned a lot over the years. I still have problems with some environments and sometimes I feel 'off' even in familiar ones. That's the catch, in my opinion. If you feel completely comfortable socializing, then you're probably misdiagnosed.