Social Skills/Rules Learned The Hard Way, Not Intuitively?

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ben franklin's sage advice has never done me wrong, as long as I remembered to use it- "keep silent and as a fool be thought, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt".

One thing I hate: people trying to "shut me up."

Ben Franklin has the right idea, though, in some ways.

can you tell me what are the ways?

If I'm really in a rotten mood, it's usually better to stay quiet until I can either find someone that won't mind me venting, or get my emotions under better control.

what do you think of the phrase "soft words turneth away wrath"?

I agree, and I also find that it helps both me and the other person when I focus on common ground and on what I like about that person. I won't use fake praise, but if I think about it, there are a lot of genuinely nice things I can say.

I had so much difficulty with this one! I am supposed to comment if someone loses weight but how can I if I don't notice? I just can't tell if someone has gained/lost weight, I can't even remember what their face looks like half the time.

A woman in one of my groups told a story about how she teared up at work. When she tried to leave the scene, several people followed her. I said, without really thinking it through: "That's obnoxious!" Everyone laughed, and they said that the people following were trying to be caring. The woman said she felt more emotional after this caring reaction, so I said something about wanting to be alone in situations like that. There was some agreement and an interesting comment: "People need to care. They don't think about how it feels for her." I found the whole exchange interesting and thought I'd share.

^^^^that sound like a mutually illuminating informational exchange you had with your group.

Yeah, that's what I thought also. Even though people laughed at my comment to start, I don't think there was any lasting harm done, just a shareable moment for WP.

^^^^^

I'm reading all of these responses and laughing AND crying! I have done pretty much every one of these! Isn't navigating the social world of NT's crazy!? They ask questions that they don't want honest responses to and say meaningless sentences such as 'I'm always there for you', well no actually I rang and rang and you didn't like it and told me to stop! Sometimes I wonder why we bother? If I could go back and give advice to my younger self I'd say: be yourself and don't worry what others think and always remember not to take NT's literally. They don't know what they are saying

If you have to work up some anger to be able to do a thing, like call an agency, you shouldn't make the call at all, even if it is the only way you can keep from being to frightened to make the call in the first place. People don't understand; they just hate you. You might as well give up on being able to take care of your own affairs.
And by "you" I mean me.

Yeah, advice is a trap for me. And I've fallen into if many times. Mostly to females.
Now I have an air of indifference. Not because I don't care. But it's easier, if someone asks me, then I do give advice.
I just don't want to bother with all that stuff. This my efficient way of dealing with it.
I can't deal with anothers problems, unless I know I can try to solve it for them (and that is rarely the case, most people just want to vent).
I'll listen if someone is telling me stuff. But only comment if they ask me what I think.
I use niceties, to show I'm listening. But often file it away as "background music".

Your advice is spot on though, for those that wish to attempt this.

Even if it's tempting to spill your soul time and time again, don't.

Personally, I must say, social-skills and rules were learned "the hard way" early-on (to say the least). I quickly learned intuitively, as well as by osmosis (from both advice, and "real-world" examples) later-on, up to the present! Yet, active participation in anything beyond small-talk still remains a challenge.

It must be mentioned, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do!"

Here is a post on small-talk: 'Small Talk: First Conversations vs. Subsequent Conversations.'
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