Engagement and girl problems!

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Okay so lets start off here...

So ive recently started dating this woman ive known for a few years now, we have never dated before but always liked each other in a sense. Now i really do love this girl to bits and is definitely a woman i woild like to call mine soon to be or one day in the future.. now my question is, how long should an engagement last if i were to pop said question and if it would be too early in our relationship to say ask about 6 months in even though I've known her for years..now her ex has been really bad to that family and trapped her with two kids which made them very wary about other guys shes dated in the past but finally starting to take a liking to me which is awesome for me and we seem to be happy about me being around to help...but also she also feels the same way in getting married or engaged and keeps hinting for it lol and ive said all in due time so big question and confusion is...is it too soon for the family and i should wait a bit longer or just go on my instincts and go along with plans because i know she doesn't care what others think about it..

Ps also what is a sneaky way to getting a ring size without her guessing D:

Please nice and respectful comments...

Well, I have no personal experience of this, but I can tell you the story of my best friend.

We were friends with this guy for years, he was always just around. She had been out with other guys, so he hadn't thought she was interested in him. He felt overlooked I guess.

Anyway they started talking more one on one, getting to know each other, realising they actually had mutual feelings. Eventually he asked her out. She said yes.

They discussed marriage before he proposed. Like in terms of "if". If we got married where would we live? Would we have kids etc.

They even went to look at rings as they were passing jewelers one day when they were having a day out in the city. That's how he got her ring size. It was very casual, but they are both easy going like that. They just looked at rings as they were passing the shop.

He proposed after only 6 months of going out and they got married 6 months later.

Normally I'd say that was crazy, but they had known each other for years and they just seem to work well together. They've been married for 5 years now.

It's up to the couple. It's what feels right for you.

But obviously don't rush into something that you don't feel ready for just because you feel she's pressuring you.

Oh, I've just realised what you're actually asking?

Is it too soon for her children?

Like its not that i feel pressured because i don't i guess its more of the lines if its too early for her family and kids or not..like i love her to bits and i may have fallen a little too hard but at the same time so has she and the kids seem to grow on me more and more (besides the eldest for some reason) and things just clicked right away so..like honestly i know me and her would have no problem with it so i guess i kinda just have tongo with the flow and just bite the bullet..but ya kmow weddings ans engagement would take a bit anyways to save for so i guess time i behind me on this lol but as far as the kids go long term since their still young its something they would have yo get used to but she has no problem with me being a father to them ....and sorry for late replies at work doing graveyards and internet is horrid here lol

Are you living together?

My husband and I were friends for 15 years or so before we started dating and even though we knew each other incredibly well there were shocks and surprises. Not all bad but there is a considerable difference between being friends and dating, between dating and cohabiting, and between cohabiting and... not even necessarily "married" but with lives fully merged - that takes times to develop.

After those years of friendship, I'm sure you were concerned that dating could possibly result in losing a good friend if things went bad. You need to take extra care of this relationship - because when you've been comfortable with someone in one context, it can be easy to assume you're comfortable [or they are] after the context has changed.

But there are things you can say to a friend that you can't say to a lover the same way, because there is a degree of vulnerability added to the relationship.

And other rules change... but I'm about to fall back asleep...

I guess the real question is, what would your relationship be losing if you didn't get married/engaged now?

Maybe "popping the question" in the traditional way is not the way to do it. Discussing engagement and marriage may be less romantic, but SHE is the one who you really need to talk to about these questions. You can explain your feelings (when you're ready) and discuss with HER your concerns about when to "break it to the family", including her kids. They may need more time to adjust to all the changes, but she is going to know better than you or us here how long that adjustment might be. The two of you can be secretly engaged (a private promise to get married has been made), but not let it out to even the kids until the time you mutually feel is right. Then, your public engagement might be a little longer to allow time for everyone to adjust to that.

The oldest child is going to be more wary, always.

In my case I got engaged after knowing my lady less than 5 months. In fact, I only waited because I knew she was a slow mover and I was ready after 3 months. I would have said anyone who did that was crazy but I knew after about 6 weeks!

Nothing has made me change my mind or believe I made the wrong decision: even though we have very different interests and hobbies we still haven't had our first fight I fit in so well with her family: her parents treat me like their long lost son and my parents love her too. The hardest part was accepting that she was the one so soon but like many married couples told me "when you know, you know!"

Ultimate ninja trick:

The next time you see her wearing a ring on the ring finger of either hand, playfully ask to try it on.
Try the ring on to one or more of your fingers [that are bigger than hers] and make a mental note of how far down on your finger you can get the thing.
Then go into a jewelry store and try on the sample size rings until you find the one that fits that same finger on that same spot.
Voila.

IF she never wears rings on her ring finger, her index finger is likely a similar enough size that you'll be able to get it on to propose. Might end up needing to resize by half a size... but it's pretty darn accurate.

If she NEVER wears rings, go to Claire's in any mall ever, or Wal-Mart, and get you two cheap rings in size 6 and 7. Just plain metal bands. Then the next time you're in her car, pretend to find them on the floor and ask if they're hers. You should be able to prompt her to try them on with, "I'll bet they'll fit you." and if not... you could always say, "But I have to find the girl who this ring fits, she ran out of my ball last night and I'm in love with her!"

Since you've already been friends for awhile, I would date for 6 months then a year engagement. People laugh at me for watching reality shows, HOWEVER, I watched this one show where the couples had been friends for awhile (one 10 yrs) and I'm telling you a relationship is totally different from friendship - many more expectations (in this case from the women's side) and some of the couples didn't make it. I would still give it some time. And doesn't it usually take a year to plan a decent wedding? Why rush things.