Coping with/handling someone who wants to kill themself?
I can only speak for myself. But when I feel suicidal, which I do a lot, I need to be heard. I need gentleness and calm, not accusation. I don't want to hear how other people will feel about what I am going through. I want someone to hear me without judgement and allow me to feel what I feel and for it to be ok for me to feel the way I feel. I want validation for what I feel. Not to be told not to feel it. If I know that I can feel to completion and to be supported in what I am going through, without having to deal with what other people think about it or how it will affect everybody else, I will get through it.
_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph
AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,663
Location: Houston, Texas
I agree that the situations are individualized, but we can certainly have something along the line of first aid skills or perhaps maybe just talking points.
For example:
'Hope and meaning can be in the local, right?'
'Zoloft helps some people. It all depends on someone's biochem. And if someone's not helped by one medication, they're sometimes helped by another.'
'Lack of hope for the future, can be a combination of the philosophical, the social, the situation, the biochem, all of them and more'
and something my doctor told me: 'one study found that depressed persons are actually more realistic about the future than non-depressed persons' This guy was not a psychiatrist, but rather an internist, that is, basically a general practitioner. Somehow this cheered me up a little! Maybe paradoxically. Maybe that he wasn't going to automatically dismiss everything I had to say. PS maybe for action toward the future, we human beings need a bias toward optimism.
You can easily stop a suicidal person if there are people they care about.
Just tell them that suicide is a selfish thing and that their death will inflict a great amount of pain on those people. (Yes, asking someone to live just so you won't be distresses is also selfish, but that's beside the point.) Should instantly tie up their hands on the spot.
It worked on me. The only reason I'm not doing it now is not to cause distress to my family and other people I care about.
If I lost my family and others were completely estranged the above condition would no longer be true and I'd do myself in.
_________________
Enjoy the silence.
I've got to be honest, if I'm TELLING people I want to kill myself, I want someone to reason me out of it. I want to feel like people care enough to try and convince me not to. If I'm telling people, it's not imminent, but being considered. If it's imminent, I wouldn't be telling anyone because I wouldn't want to be stopped.
Anyone saying it, I believe, wants to not do it but can't find enough reasons to stop themselves.
And yes, this is highly individual. If you do not have a personal relationship with the individual, or professional expertise, you probably shouldn't be counseling them at a time like that. Instead encourage them to seek the comfort of loved ones or a mental health professional.
AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,663
Location: Houston, Texas
This same doctor (internist) also told me that suicidal thoughts combined with a present plan constitute a medical emergency. And in this case, I think there's a lot to say in favor of the U.S. Army plan of 'be an ACE.'
A Ask directly, are you thinking about killing yourself.
C Care for the person in need.
E Escort the person to professional help.
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