What Is The Hardest Thing...

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You have faced as an older Aspie?

I thought that might be a good start for an in depth discussion.
For me, I would say that the older I have become, the harder it has become to make moves to overcome my social issues... I have found I have become more and more reclusive, the older I have become, and as a result, more cynical.

I will say more later, but thought I would just start this off.

Meeting people and being social with them. I have always been the guy who is only friends with coworkers. I am now fine with that rationalization, but I get SOOOOOO nervous when I think about socializing with those people outside of work.

For me, I notice that when I have to work mega hours on projects I get tired and have big problems with typing and writing what I actually want. It's like my brain goes haywire now when I'm overly tired. I've only noticed this recently. Other than that, not much. It's been the same old thing.

Things don't get to me as much as far as NTs misunderstanding me. I think I've been out in the world so long through work and school that I see we're just all trying to muddle our way through. I also do not think they have a better life. I see them having their own problems and struggles that never occur to me. Their life isn't automatically rosy because they are NT. I didn't know it was NT back then, but I used to wonder why they have it so easy. Now I realize they really don't, they just put on a facade. We don't do that.

...relationships...I don't understand head games and I don't know how to play them...love was always conditional...either act the way I want you to act or be the way I want you to be...

...friendships...I have very few good friends...with so many people it seems to be a case of "what can you do for me?"...you don't want to be around me because you think I'm just a little "strange"...but you want me around anyways because I can be "useful".

Every time someone is nice to me I start searching for a hidden agenda before I let my guard down anymore. I wish it wasn't that way.

As Zanne said, getting tired more easily, not as resilient as I used to be. Poorer eyesight (bifocals, yech!). I think I am more socially proficient than I've ever been. A good bordeaux improves with age.

Jobs and driving.Those were the reasons I even began researching AS.I cant stand the idea that I am 43,with a college degree and working with people half my age with no real hope of being "higher functioning".I hate the low wages and worry about being able to continue this mindless physical labor(which I actually prefer for lower stress), as my body ages.

I didnt get my license until I was 30 and still can only drive short distances on routes that I know well and have panic attacks when there is construction or bad weather and end up having my boyfriend drive me(very humbling).

I was hoping getting the AS DX would allow me to access a career counsler but they say nothing is available.As long as I can work "any job",I am to high functioning for assistance.

Life could be much worse but these are my biggest frustrations.

I concur, ZM, I have recently extended myself moving my apartment, myself and my cat into a new apartment after a flood in the old one. My shifts at work have changed to four 10 hours a week and I am mentally as well as physically tired. I find myself staring at nothing more (and staring at the 'wrong' things, like my co-workers computer screen, or in the general direction of talking people. . .just staring, you understand, but causing concern among others. I babble more of truly inconsequential things and find my attention span to be minimal when tired. I have recently noticed that the reason I stare fixedly at someone when they are in a lecture or teaching mode is because my attention will wander and I actually nod off. That never goes over well, at school or at work!




When I got what I now call 'the NT eye', it was because I would state the obvious, the elephant in the room, the true fact the 'real reason' if you will. No body has it easy in this world, that is the whole point of Buddism, IIRC, that life is suffering and every now and then it is nicer than it usually is. I try not to bum them out so much by my observations now, out of respect!


Merle

"Veni, Vidi, Dormivi" (I came, I saw, I slept)

I have become increasingly reclusive, and it's only getting worse. I also fear more for my children as they get older. I feel like I really ought to be employed so that I can support them when they are older, or at least finish my master's, in case I ever find myself bereft of my spouse.

Its getting harder. As my age cohort matures towards middle age, the social conventions and rules sets are getting more refined and subtle. I lack the common experiences that they seem to share, and I'm not picking up on the finer social cues. I was fairly functional as a little boy, less so as a teen. As a younger adult I fell through the cracks. Now I am feeling the effects of falling behind so many years.

On the other hand, its getting easier. I understand myself far better. I can articulate my feelings and values in ways I never could before.

All in all, its a wicked adventure so far!

I find that I am not as sociable as I was in my twenties, and that I get overwhelmed quicker, when out shopping, etc. I also find that I have less patience with any physical ailments. It's not that I had patience before, but my lack of insight into my "state of being" for lack of a better phrase, often found me burning the candle at both ends, ignoring fatigue, and running on fumes most of the time. Now, with the inevitable burnout, I am bitter. Age gracefully, anyone? Another thing about socialization, is that now I am well versed in all the possible pitfalls that can occur by letting my guard down, and find that I am even more afraid to take chances. Can't think of any more, right now.

I'd like to say it's getting worse, but I think that maybe it's always been the same, only the circumstances become less accomodating. As a child the same group is stuck with you for years. And I noticed it usually took people a couple weeks of close contact to get comfortable with me, if ever. So I had friends as a child. I even had friends at college. Finally, in the "real world" I got hit with the realization that it's simply impossible to make friends. If your only chance is to impress someone in a few minutes after the introduction, just count me out. I'm more or less comfortable at work, but the relationship with others is strictly professional. I never go out or visit any of my coworkers socially. I'm really grateful for the Internet. There is a chance to let people to know you and get to know them without the stress of body language, non-verbal cues, etc. I met all of my friends in the recent years on the Internet. But it's mostly long distance and people eventually lose interest.

when I was younger, I used think that there are many possibilities in the world, but the older I get, the more I feel unfree, the same with people, the older I get, the more I really dislike people and their ways of living, I just wanna be alone

Reclusive. Tired of seemly everybody telling me it isn't good. I have no wants out side of the house. If I did I suppose the obsession would get me there. I don't get to pick them, they pick me. Perhaps it isn't a good thing, but I do what I must out there. I think some of the differences between those here and me, is the money isn't an issue. I'm not forced to do the work thing anymore. It's only an issue because others make it out to be. I may be gun shy, I'm not so sure I didn't have a nervous breakdown, if there really is such a thing. After finding WP, I think I would term it a super meltdown. I have had the semi minor ones, but got back into the game after regathering myself, but even those took a fair amount of time to do. I certianly do not bounce back like I once did.

This sounds familiar. I am told that as a child, I was always very controlling when with other children, and in a way, I am the same now. I very much like to control my environment and have had to really work hard to learn to compromise with people and accept and understand that they dont have to like the things I like etc... one of my issues is, I tend to actually feel hurt and insulted if someone says they don't like a song I like, or a movie I like... I have no idea why. Intellectually, I can understand we all have our own tastes etc, but my instant reaction is that.

I wish I did hunt for hidden agendas right away, but sadly, I can be quite naive. I still have too much faith in humanity, evidently, since I tend to start considering too late that someone might just be faking their like for me.

Be very careful what you wish for. There is a dark side to that one. I can't let my guard down.

The good news is this kids When the money game ends, you get a little relief.

I find that the older I get, the less I like people who are under the age of 18.