Missed out on so many milestones

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I am still in a rut.

I feel like I missed out on many milestones in my developmental years and it's too late to achieve them now as an adult. I'm not even a late bloomer; I haven't bloomed at all. I hoped that my 20's would be better than my teens but they have been just as bad if not worse.

Things I missed out on:
- Young love. I never dated in my school years and I never went to prom. Most people my age are either dating or married and I'm staying at home all alone.
- Finding my passion. I could never figure out what passion in life was supposed to be. Even though I loved music, I sucked at playing the guitar. I couldn't draw well despite my interest in it. I can't write a story since I'll either get writer's block or I will feel bored with what I am coming up with. Most people my age have become super talented and have something interesting to show to others all the time while I never do.
- Deciding on a career path. I never could decide what I wanted to be when I grew up and if I had an idea, it would've gotten shot down by others. I'm stuck working a dead end part time job at a public library making near poverty level income and I'm still living with my mother who has been a big part of destroying my self-esteem.
- Finding my niche. I never fit in with the social groups at my school. I wasn't redneck, ghetto, geeky, skater, gothic, punk, religious, and preppy and my parents were constantly hounding me with "Don't do this, don't do that!".

I feel like all I have left in this life is just to stay depressed until I finally exit. It feels like if you've missed out on certain things, you'll never get second chances since they are required for adulthood.

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yeah. well, i am 34 years old. thus far, i have not found young love. although i ain't particularly "young" anymore. some branches of the army do not let recruits age 34 enlist.

in the military, someone my height/sex that is 18 has to weigh a certain amount. that standard is looser for 34 year olds. likewise, the percent body fat standards are looser.

moreover, i have yet to find a passion. quite frankly, i strongly suspect. that maybe i ain't got no passion. maybe the solar system don't contain nothing that i love to do, & don't contain nothing that i am good at doing. while the solar system contains a lot of things, & it is impossible to "prove" statement. (fine). but, it is also not physically possible to try out every last activity. likewise, there is no law that says that everyone has to have a passion.

someone with a lot of passion and job skills and a high IQ score ain't higher than someone without any of that.

career path. 4th year undergrad. flunked out structural engineering. got BS in cognitive science. 2.19 gpa too low for grad school. and not many jobs require a cognitive science degree. wasted a lot of time applying for jobs. got ignored, rejected. of the few that hired me, none required a degree. and the ones that hired me, fired me quickly too.

niche. i never have, and do not fit in. quite frankly, suspect that i never will fit in either.

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^^^I also suck at playin' the gitfiddle, but I will say I suck more distinctively and with more flair, than any other sucky guitarist.

I guess the lagging started around 16 or 17 years old. I sort of noticed my peers in high school start to have clear pathways. It seemed like they KNEW what they wanted as they were moving to graduate from high school. Not me. It's like I hit a brick wall. Also in college....I had ABSOLUTELY NO idea what I wanted to study or do for my profession. That sense again of my peers moving on to clear aspirations for life. The train left without me.

^^^it is like you took the words right outta my mouth. utterly the same experience here.

I feel for you. I missed a lot of milestones too. Because I was expelled from high school in 10th grade, I didn't get to go to either my junior prom or senior prom. I did graduate from high school, but I wasn't allowed at the graduation ceremony. I also never finished college. And on top of that, I never belonged to any school clubs or teams.

The OP has not been around for 2-1/2 years. Maybe it's time this thread was locked.

Yeah, I feel the same way. Never asked out in high school. People didn't like me. Boys teased me about my looks, therefore shattering my self-esteem.

When I was finally asked out, I didn't know how to behave, or what to do. We went back to his apartment and made out even though I barely knew anything about him. He dumped me after three dates because he probably thought I was leading him on, even though I didn't know what I was doing.

I remember my mom being furious that someone asked me out. Now that I'm older, I think deep down inside she never really wanted me to grow up, or work for a living. It's not like she and dad had a bunch of money. If they had left me a heatlhy trust fund, my life would have been better, but I feel like she stunted my growth in some ways. I remember confronting her about it once, asking her if she was going to never die and always take care of me.

And that's sort of how it's turned out. She eventually died. I ended up with teenager-type jobs and never really moved up to an adult job. I finally moved to China to have a shot at a better-paying job, but ended up being fired from several positions.

But yeah, I never had young love, never went to the prom, etc. I've only had one relationship in my entire life, and the boyfriend was probably a C. Not terrible, but not great.

And I feel the only type of guy I would be comfortable with is someone who is at my same level. Someone looking for that innocent romance. As it is, I'm nearly 57 and guys my age aren't too keen on taking it slow. And dating seems terrible nowadays. Combine that with my tendency to attract potentially dangerous men, and fantasies seem a much safer route to take.

I'm feeling very angry about several things this Christmas Eve. Hoping that everyone reading this has some sort of peace and happiness this holiday season. Thanks for posting this. You're not the only one who feels they have "missed out."

Appears to me that there’s an automatic assessment on the neurotypical side of interactions that the autistic isn’t worthy of attention. Completely under the level of awareness of course, but all the more impenetrable as a result.

I’ve given up.