You ever sort of "refuse" to believe that THIS is real life?

Post Reply New Topic

Yes but not in the same way as you. I look around and think that surely people couldn't really be this f*****g stupid.
I've often thought that this world isn't real. It couldn't be. It's way too f****d up, especially when a lot of the solutions are incredibly simple. The world is full of willful ignorance that's just hurting themselves and everyone else.
Things very rarely work out for me, no matter how big or small the thing is, if it could bring me happiness and/or progress in my life, it's almost guaranteed to end in failure, whether it's my own fault, someone elses, or something elses. I think that the only reason I get anything that brings me some happiness, is because they allow me to have just enough to keep me going, so I can be depressed but not quite to the point of actually committing suicide and escaping all of this. Though sometimes I wonder if that's what they actually want... and I do not want to give them what they want.

So yeah, it's not always easy for me to accept that this is reality. That this isn't some kind of experiment and I haven't been abducted by aliens or something and put into a simulation or an actual real world (but not the real Earth) full of people who are just as real as me, except they aren't who they say they are. They're all just here to play some kind of role in whatever this really is.
But I'm a logical person and need evidence to believe something and so far, I haven't found sufficient evidence. Still... I can't help thinking like this. So I live on the fence, never really quite sure of what's real, what I should do and if there is anyone I can trust, including myself.

When I was four, I started to wonder if my life was just a dream. I wasn't being bullied or anything. It was just a thought that occured to me one day, and I was like: How could I prove it isn't a dream? How could I prove it is?

It was also during this time that I started to truly grasp what eternity was, and it freaked me out.

I've been having a philosophical crisis for most of my life.

When I was young I thought the world was like a play where I was the main actor. I use to wonder if I was the only person capable of thinking and I everyone else where like robots there for my benefit only.

I used to fervently believe that humans live through a series of mortal lives all inhabited by the same soul (i.e. reincarnation) though this mind you was in my agnostic days. Then I read a book by Peter J. Carroll which killed all religious sentiments.
Anyway, when I did believe in reincarnation, the gist of it was the energy that comprises you learns from each of these past lives, gaining wisdom and experience (possibly linked in with the idea of an indigo child/'old' soul?) I admit, the concept still has a nicely flowing, poetic sentiment about it, a human's durability and existence in multiple forms over time, linked in with the idea that no life you lead is the ultimate end-all. It would be a comfort to know even if you totally and completely screwed up one life or simply live one of misery (hm...) , you get that second chance. Nowadays I can't personally hold on to that refusal in our own finite selves, however.