Dating someone that does not share your special interest?
I am undecided on whether it will be best to try and find a partner with my shared interest (which is Music) or whether its bad to just limit yourself for that and be open to date people that have a interest completely different to yours. I have yet to have a partner in my life and feel I've set too high expectations on who I would date or even lose my virginity with.
I've noticed I always talk about myself to people and my interest even if they don't have the same interest. I'm worried I will do that in front of a woman who has a completely different interest. If they shared the same one that might not be such a problem and I really like the idea of dating a musician woman.
I don't want to limit myself at this stage however because I will live away at University very soon and have potential to meet a lot of people but I can see myself having more anxiety about small talk and relating to someone if they don't have my interest. On online dating sites there aren't really women with my interest, and my music interest is very specific.
For Aspies is it generally best and less anxiety provoking dating someone that shares your interest? I definitely don't want to limit myself though because relationships is an area I've neglected for years because of bad beliefs of myself.
Just a little bonus question - how could I feel more comfortable dating someone that could be loud or into parties quite a lot? University typically people I've experienced are very loud I've been with, and being in situations like house parties my noise sensitivity goes haywire and I don't know how many quiet women I could realistically meet. I'm a pretty quiet guy and keep to myself a lot.
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Diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome (mildly)
I am also very quiet and don't think I would enjoy being with someone who parties. But as far as not sharing my special interests I wouldn't mind that. If my partner has different interests it gives me a chance to branch out and try new things that I would never try on my own. So I look at that as an opportunity to develop new interests.
Many thanks for the reply and yes I too could see myself immersing myself in their interests different to mine.
Although I do want to start dating I seem to be really engrossed in my interests at the moment and wonder dating and relationships will make me be involved in it less. I don't want to look like I don't care about them or anything or come across as selfish which is not true, I care about having a partner very much.
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Diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome (mildly)
It's probably easier to meet someone with a strong shared interest as you're more likely to be at the same places and you'll have things to talk about that probably come easier to you. And I think you need at least some shared common ground in a relationship but it's also important that you also have your own things too.
In the long-term though, she isn't going to always want to talk about music and just music, she's going to want to talk about other things too, so while it'll be a good ice breaker and a good way of getting to talk to someone, don't think it's a panacea, its not going to be the be-all end-all, you're going to have to get comfortable and confident talking about other things eventually.
No, I would not try to find somebody that shares my special interest. First, my special interests often are less common in girls, which gives bad odds in finding somebody. Second, special interests do change occasionally, and I don't want to switch partner because of that. However, I would value if she has complementary interests, so we can have interesting discussions from different view-points.
Jacoby
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Finding someone that shares your special interest is the ideal situation of course, but not required.
If i were you (and it's the case for me as well), i'd focus on finding someone who accepts your interest and the fact that you spend a lot of time on it.
I myself am a musician and spend quite some time on that, but the girl i'm currently dating isn't and doesn't even really like the type of music i play.
However, she doesn't mind me playing, nor does she mind that i spend several evenings a week and about a weekend each month on the hobby (she uses that time to meet up her own friends).
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