If i had an ex-girlfriend, it would be much more easy

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I wish i realized this years ago, but i feel this is a good, valid reason why i've always hated, detested, despised, loathed the gender role that guys are expected to approach and make the first move, asking out, be the initiators.

It's because i haven't had any success when i've have acted upon that gender role, i have never had a girlfriend before, and I imagine this is the case for lots of guys who have never had a girlfriend before, it's very hard, extremely difficult to be confident, have high self-esteem if you have never had a girlfriend before. Because guys who have had girlfriends already, they have the confidence, validation, self-esteem knowing they are attractive already, it's like when they go out and get rejected, they can easily say to themselves in their mind "oh well, at least i had Amber, Tiffany, Rebecca, Jennifer, etc., any girls name, as my girlfriend already", but if you haven't, well it's much harder, obviously, it's very hard to explain and put into words but hopefully you get the point i'm making.

Also, another reason why my frustration has built up lately, is because recently i matched with 2 girls on Tinder, but the first one flaked on me after i asked her out on a date, she cancelled on the day we were supposed to meet, and she never attempted to reschedule, the next girl, i did end up going on a date with but she didn't want to continue to see me any further, she said to me through text once i got home: "You know what (my name) I have to be honest I don't think I can be more than just friends with you. I just don't feel a connection and I don't want to lead you on".

Hopefully people here can understand the point i'm making, trying to get across.

IDK the impression I get is a lot of guys are rather distraught after a break up, not particularly more confident. And for some it takes quite a while before they want to even date again.

Also dating a girl just so you can have an ex in the hope it will make you more confident in approaching girls you actually might want something long term with probably isn't the best idea...so I hope that is not your plan.

It would seem you were able to arrange dates with two females off tinder, one flaked up...one showed up but turned out not to be interested in a relationship but to me that still looks like progress. You could also try OKcupid since you don't have to solely depend on the matching feature you can just type in your area code or city and it will show people within meeting up distance, then you can just browse profiles and message girls who seem compatible and maybe have some simular interests.

To want an ex gf seems like a really awful idea. Why would a relationship failure lead to increased confidence? Makes no sense to me. I'd think a new relationship would lead to increased confidence, just as some positive interaction in general with girls would (like flirting and getting interest reactions in return).

So, no, I think you are on to a completely wrong thought pattern here.

When things are working it is logical to look for reasons as part of the improvement process. But I agree with rdos that you are on the wrong track here. You can see people get stuck in 'if I only had (whatever)' rut. When you think of things like that they are just trappings.

Its good to be in a self improvement state of mind, but that should be your norm. In other words be moving, not gathering moss.

But when involved with a person the focus should be on them and making the most of the time with what you have to work with.

My advice for you is to just keep trying. I know it is frustrating but once you do get that experience, you will be happy you tried so much (and also be happy you kept trying despite the failures you had).

the frustration is continuing to rise because girls keep flaking on me for the first date, even Henry Ford's quote "whether you think you can or can't, you are right", while it is a very great quote, it's obviously very hard to be confident and have high self-esteem if you haven't had past success, after all, success breeds confidence.

I get this.

It's very similar to virginity. Before I lost mine it was the BIGGEST DEAL IN THE WORLD that I hadn't had that experience yet whereas peers had. Those peers were like "meh, it's no big deal, it's just sex," and I'd be like "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!"

Now, I've had more sex in my life to date than most people have in.. many lifetimes. So, it really is like "meh, it's no big deal."

As for not having an ex to change your mindset to one of confidence.. maybe you need to "fake it 'til you make it"? Like maybe you need to fabricate an ex so that in conversation with friends, potential partners etc you can refer to your "ex" as if they existed. "Oh yeah, my ex didn't really care for _____ but I quite like it so yeah it'd be a great place to go/thing to do" or whatever. A little white lie that gives you the illusion of having had a past relationship that didn't work out for whatever reason. Sort of like telling a little white lie to a prospective employer about having previous experience with ____ basic task even if you've never done it before just to give them confidence in your ability to get the simple job done. It's one of those chicken/egg things that nearly everyone does in the employment marketplace, so why not with dating?

*shrug* just a thought... could be helpful.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

online dating has really been getting on my nerves lately, i hate it when women respond to me yet they have no intention of going on a date with me

Your position is that having an ex gives people the confidence to get future girlfriends, however that is wrong. These people already had the confidence and that is what they used to get their ex as well as all future girlfriends.